Bloomberg’s Bucks, Buttigieg’s Beef, and Biden’s Bite | The Daily Show


There are now just 336 days until the 2020
presidential election, and although the Democrats
still don’t know who their contender will be, they do know
who their contender won’t be. Joe Sestak and Steve Bullock have announced that they’re both
dropping out of the race. And I know, this is huge. -(laughter)
-Yeah. ‘Cause now it means
all the other Democrats can pick up their supporter. -(laughter) -But… even
with those two dropping out, there are still 16 candidates
left in this race. Because, you see,
every time a Democrat quits, more Democrats jump in. Yeah. Getting rid
of Democratic candidates is like shaving
an old man’s back hair. -It grows back twice as thick.
-(laughter, groans) I owed someone money.
It was a thing. And the newest hair on the back
of the Democratic primary is none other
than Michael Bloomberg, for… former mayor of New York and world’s richest
Lord of the Rings extra. -(laughter) -After entering
the race only last week, he’s already making
a big impression. There’s another big shake-up
this morning in the Democratic
presidential race. After months of speculation,
former New York mayor and billionaire Michael
Bloomberg made it official over the weekend he has thrown
his hat into the 2020 race. NEWSWOMAN:
After months of speculation, the former New York mayor
announcing his candidacy in a video Sunday, a part of a $35 million
media blitz. NEWSMAN:
He launched his campaign with the single largest
political advertising buy in U.S. history,
spending more than $30 million on ads that touted his record
as mayor of New York. Wow. Michael Bloomberg
has already bought more TV ads in one week
than anyone in history. I guess those are the perks
of being a billionaire. But he’s got to be careful–
because TV ads are a great way for getting noticed,
but too many TV ads can turn people against you. Yeah. Like the first time
I saw that Kars4Kids ad, I thought it was cute. And now my life’s mission is to destroy that organization. Every day:
♪ K-A-S-S, Kars4Kids ♪ ♪ K-A… ♪ (screams) I mean, don’t get me wrong,
it’s a good idea– kids should be given cars–
but it’s on TV all the time! And that’s what could happen
with Bloomberg, ’cause $30 million– like, if you were in one of
the states that he’s flooding with the ads, that’s all
you’re gonna see on TV. “Hi. I’m Michael Bloomberg.”
Change the channel. “It’s still me, Michael
Bloomberg.” Change the channel. “There’s something new
this month at Subway. -It’s me, Michael Bloomberg.”
-(laughter) So, while Bloomberg
is making news for how much
he’s spending on ads, Pete Buttigieg,
mayor of South Bend, Indiana, and kid who always asks
for more homework, is getting attention
for what he’s saying in his ads. Pete Buttigieg has a new kind of
position or an ad this weekend that was airing in Iowa about,
um, about education. Listen. I believe we should move to make college affordable
for everybody. There are some voices saying,
“Well, that doesn’t count “unless you go even further,
unless it’s free even for the kids
of millionaires.” But I only want to make promises
that we can keep. NEWSWOMAN:
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a Bernie Sanders supporter, slamming the new
Iowa frontrunner, tweeting: Ooh… Pete, you in trouble. This is an interesting one.
Pete Buttigieg says that he supports
free public college, but it shouldn’t apply
to rich people’s kids. And in response,
rich people said, “What the (bleep)
is a public college? Is that like a public toilet?
I think I’ve heard of those.” No, but jokes aside, like, this ad is getting
a lot of backlash, right? Because Buttigieg
has basically drawn criticism from the progressive wing
of his party, because, they argue, if the
government provides a service, the service should be available
to all of its citizens. Right? It’s the same way
a public library doesn’t ask how rich you are before they let you in
to masturbate. It’s a public library.
Everyone can masturbate. That’s what it’s there for. Now, despite the backlash,
Buttigieg’s campaign is still steadily on the rise. Meanwhile,
Kamala Harris’s campaign is headed
in the opposite direction. NEWSWOMAN:
While campaigning here, too, Senator Kamala Harris
presenting herself as a choice
to beat President Trump. The New York Times reports
her campaign is in turmoil, obtaining a resignation letter
from a top Harris aide who wrote: That aide,
according to the Times, jumping onto
Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s team. Bloomberg! I guess those ads worked
on one person. But yes, Kamala Harris’s
campaign is struggling, and some say, uh, it’s because she doesn’t have
a clear message. Others say it’s because
she put her sister in charge of the campaign.
And that makes sense. You should never mix business
and family unless you’re a plumber, in which case
you have to involve family. Yeah, here’s a little tip
for you guys. If a plumbing company name
doesn’t end in “and sons” or “and brothers,”
you can’t trust them. Something bad happened
in that family. You stay away. (laughter) Now, there is one Democrat who seems immune
to campaign gaffes, and that’s Joe Biden. He’s still the favorite
nationally, and he’s even bought himself
a sweet new ride. NEWSWOMAN: Today in Iowa,
the Joe Biden campaign bus on an eight-day, 18-county tour
of the first caucus state trying to rev up
his lagging poll numbers. His new ride branded
in Biden speak as the “No Malarkey” tour, he says,
to contrast President Trump. He is calling it
the “No Malarkey” bus tour. NEWSWOMAN 2: The bus tour comes
as Joe Biden went viral this weekend
when he was caught nibbling on his wife Jill’s finger
onstage during a campaign stop. Joe, no! No, Joe! Bad Joe! No biting. Don’t make me get
the spray bottle, Joe. Stop that! Look, I actually…
I actually think this was a cute moment
between a couple, all right? But… but it would be cuter
if it was at home instead of in the middle
of a rally. That makes it
a little bit weird. Like, nibbling
your wife’s fingers. It’s all about context. And also,
i-is Joe Biden’s slogan really gonna be “no malarkey”? That’s your slogan? “Yes, we can.” “Make America great again.” “No malarkey”? (laughter) What does that word even mean? Like, it sounds like the dish your vegan cousin serves
at Thanksgiving, you know? “It’s not turkey. It’s malarkey. “The main ingredient is mold. Namaste.”

100 thoughts on “Bloomberg’s Bucks, Buttigieg’s Beef, and Biden’s Bite | The Daily Show

  1. The Democratic campaign(s) and Party is (still and/or again) in a bit of a turmoil, and Republicans across thee board are snickering, except Donald of course, who is experiencing multiple tweetgasms over it all. But then you've got the state of the entire government – Trump and his insanely embarrassing behavior, all of the scandals surrounding him, his "loyal" supporters kissing his over-sized a$$ and willing to risk their careers, not to mention their criminal records, over it all. And who is having the last laugh about all of that?
    Vlad, who else?

  2. •Iraq war paid for with our taxes: Silence
    •Afghan war paid for with our taxes: Silence
    •Bailing out Wall Street and our corrupt banking system with our tax money: Silence
    •Giving tax breaks to the 1%: Silence
    •Bombing Syria, Pakistan, Yemen, and Somalia all without the approval of congress: Silence
    •Billion dollar subsidies given to Big Oil, Big Tech, and health insurance companies paid for with our taxes: Silence
    •$740 Billion dollar per year military budget: Silence
    •Most incarcerations per capita on a global scale: Silence
    •$6-10 Trillion spent on war since 2001: Silence

    •Investing in Healthcare and education: That’s when the media and our politicians say that we can’t afford it and ask where will the money come from…

    The United States Education system is ranked 27th among developed countries, Infrastructure ranked 28th among developed countries, healthcare ranked 7th in quality but 1st for for financial costs!

    “I predict future happiness for Americans, if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them". ~ Thomas Jefferson

  3. Thumbs up: 8.2k. Thumbs down: 214. What sort of mindset do you have to have that you are willing to down vote knowing that the vast majority of people think you are wrong?

  4. NEED SILENCE. It’s too hot 🥵🥶🥵🥶🥵🥶🥵🥵😥

    P.S.: Current favourite: 1. Sanders/Cortez

    2. warren/(Buttigieg)??

    Defintely NO BLOOMBERG OR BIDEN. WTF

  5. The irony is that you just had Greta on the show, talking about climate change and what we can do to reduce our impact. Well, besides the fact that she doesn’t fly, she’s also an “annoying vegan”. Trevor is way too open minded about everything else but veganism. Yes, it is funny to make jokes about vegans, but we should maybe listen to the principles of this movement, since it’s consistent with most stuff we stand for nowadays (including environmental protection)

  6. I will be more than happy to lend a hand against cars for kids if I can get some help making sure JG Wentworth recieves the same fate

  7. What about Joe’s speech about the kids rubbing his leg hair???
    Dude is getting weirder as the day goes by. The Democratic Ticket is in the toilet.

  8. When you are older and will lose that money anyway of you die… you can always do something interesting at the end, like being President

  9. I understand his slogan no malarkey after four years of nothing but bullshit we need No Malarkey, it’s OK bite his wife’s finger it was a good joke and I thought it was cute!

  10. Why would u give anything free to people that can buy everything. It shouldn't be free if your rich. How idiotic. Rich just keep winning. Wtf

  11. Free college. Was a thing before 1980. Just like the luxury tax and a huge tax rate the rich paid. And guess what they still remain rich

  12. Let me remind you people old folks were the generation that got shit done you people lose your Electronics you will be friggin lost do you know who is Survivor no problem the malarkey generation and there’s a hell of a lot more of us than they are of you we were the ones that stopped a unjust war we were the ones who fought for civil rights women’s rights. What you guys have done is whine complain and pout!

  13. 0:13 I swear, I've never even heard their names, much less that they were running for the nomination, and even much less that they were still up to this point.

  14. Yeah, we all know Bloomberg PAID that Kamala Harris staffer to not only leave her team, but to bash her entire campaign organization upon exit 😅 media will be all over it of course, but the damage already done. Kamala should endorse Bernie

  15. Buttigieg is the new Biden for CNN and MSNBC… Biden is dropping so they have to push some other corporate supporting candidate.

  16. How can people be behind Biden when he makes so many errors in his public speaking? I have a bad feeling he's got popularity with old folks and people who watch too much mainstream news were Sanders and Warren are being criticized for their stances against big money. The polls are wrong. They shouldn't be such a big talking point. They're bias towards those that frequent those stations/websites. We need new leadership. People who will fight for us not corporations and war.

  17. Trevor Noah disliked Biden from the day he announced its been attack after attack we get it though because Trump needs to win so there is enough material for skits coming from the White House 🤷🏼‍♂️

  18. Just think of what good he could've done in the world with that 30+ million dollars he's wasting on ad campaigns. He could've donated that money to charities to improve the lives of a few people. Knowing all too well that you won't become the Democratic nominee.

  19. Het mayor we don't need another democrat running and we Don't Want ANOTHER BILLIONAIRE !!!
    Go Back To The Keys Bloomberg .

  20. It grows back twice as thick! Hahah yhea, But only this year. Seems like someone really wanted to stop bernie on his 2nd attemp. Or has it been the same every time election comes along??

  21. Way to put down yoga and vegans at the end there… weak jokes. Putting down politicians is easy. Very low hanging fruit. Why degrade two respectable ideals? Shoddy.

  22. Joe Biden have not aged well, and Obama is the only reason why Biden is "popular" among some voters! Trump, backed by Putin…, will easily beat Biden, but have no chance against almost any other Democrat candidate!

    If the terrorist had a gun then the men trying to stop him would be "ended permanently", just as far more other victims, and if the men trying to stop him had guns then they would now be suffering from having "ended" a human beings life!

    There does not exist any sane argument for allowing civilians to own guns!

    Horses among the passengers on an airplane, that is complete madness and an extreme risk because nobody knows how the horse will react far up in the air!

    Anyone who likes the clinically insane, extreme narcissism, and compulsive liar, far more than 10 000 lies so far in less than four years, and is so stupid that he believes in fairytales, conspiracy theories, as the criminal/illegal "President/fool of the USA", needs mental help! The Republican/Fascist party have been completely destroyed by Putin and by Putin's tool Fox News!

    University education, at public not private universities, must be "free" for everyone! Parents who are billionaires pay even more taxes than poor parents. Education, just as healthcare, must be "free", paid by the taxpayers, for everyone regardless of the students/patients income! Human rights are for everyone, regardless of income! Today in USA education and healthcare, human rights, is restricted to only those who can afford them!

  23. I don't know about you, but personally, I don't think millionaires and rich people's kids should get free colleges. If providing benefits to people who don't really need it only increases the burden of those who actually do need it, why do it? If including everyone (including those that don't need it) in a particular benefit lessens the chance that said benefits can even be implemented at all, why do it? Why does it make sense for the overall collective (including those that are already burdened) to pay more taxes providing for a program that will eventually benefit those that need no help.

    In social systems it isn't an uncommon notion that those more capable should bear more of the burden. I won't shed a tear for a millionaire or a billionaire's kid if their education don't get subsidized by the government, but I would feel really bad if such a program couldn't be implemented to help those who actually need it just because we're trying to include everyone .

  24. Hey trevor i love your show.. Im from Ecuador and thanks to youtube i see you everyday..thanks for your truth wth a lil bit of comedy

  25. If I was the X mayor of New York I would run as a Republican they are the stupid party that votes for only billionaires So they think

  26. Good job Trevor. More publicity for the centrist candidates. #BernieBlackout – Pete is not for rich people having free college? Any family making less than 100k doesn't qualify. Are two people making 50k each in NY or SF rich?

  27. trevor noah you got five on everything and you inspire me with your story especially the stand up and the daily show! your so talented! you are a god of today's comedy.

  28. Trevor THANK YOU for presenting the progressive message on your show! But could you do it a lot more?

    Also could you PLEASE mention "stop and frisk" in the same breath EVERY time you mention Bloomberg's name?

    Thanks!

  29. looks like your war against American values is failing, eh? whose the next narcissistic half-brained puppet you globalists are going to pull out of your assholes to compete in 2020? HILLARY??? good riddance you anti-American cretins…

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