MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. TRAVIS: We play Dungeons & Dragons! MATT: (laughs) Good. That’s good, that was good. Before we get into tonight’s session, we have some announcements to get through real fast, so bear with us. First and foremost, we have our two fantastic sponsors for tonight. Returning first, our fantastic friends who’ve been here since we gave the campaign, D&D Beyond. TRAVIS: (operatic) D&D Beyond! MATT: Sam. SAM: D&D Beyond will have their own special streaming pod at D&D Live, that’s this weekend. Tune into Twitch.tv/dndbeyond on Saturday. LAURA: Why is this a thing now? MATT: I hate it. SAM: Twitch.tv/dndbeyond on Saturday and Sunday starting at 9:00am Pacific. That’s an unusual time to watch Dungeons & Dragons, but I’m into it. To check out all of the awesome announcements, games, and special segments. Now tonight, I realized this week that we all got our start doing anime dubbing. LAURA: Yeah! SAM: It’s a weird skill that we all sort of have. If you guys don’t know, there’s Japanese shows and we dub them into English sometimes and you hear like a, “beep beep beep,” and then you have to match the lip flap and stuff. We have this skill and we never get to use it anymore, especially on this show. So I thought we would do a demonstration for our audience of our anime dubbing skills. It’ll be a little different because you guys are going to be lip-syncing to me, but it’ll also serve to be our D&D Beyond ad for the day. So I’ll just demonstrate real quick. This is just a demonstration. Hit that first file. (beeping) SAM (VO): Hi there! I’m Sam Riegel. D&D Beyond is the official tool set of Critical Role. You can check rules, save your characters, and manage campaigns all from their handy digital interface. It’s D&D-rific! (laughter) SAM: That’s it, so I thought– LAURA: This kind of opposite of what we normally do. SAM: It’s the opposite of dubbing. TALIESIN: Yeah, this is the original Japanese before. SAM: Now what I’d like to do is kick it over to my friends over here: Travis, Marisha, and Liam. LIAM: We are not your friends. SAM: I thought they could each dub a line to show us how it’s done, sort of. Then we could pick a winner. The winner gets a two dollar bill. (laughter) LAURA: Where is the two dollar bill? MATT: From Taliesin’s wallet. TALIESIN: Did you pull it from my wallet? SAM: I have a two dollar bill. MARISHA: Taliesin has deep beliefs in two dollar bills. TALIESIN: I do. They’re wonderful. SAM: Okay, so first up is Travis Willingham. Travis– hit that second file. (beeping) SAM (VO): The year is 2424 and no one in Neo Japan is safe. For I, Turovis Willinghamu, leader of the paper and pen Yakuza will unleash a deadly wave of adorable battle monsters on Critical Role cram school number seven and I will rule the planet! SAM (VO): (laughs) (inhale) (groaning)
(laughter) SAM: Excellent work, Travis. Really good. (laughter) SAM: This two dollar bill could be yours. LAURA: (laughs) MARISHA: That was so unsettling in such a weird way. SAM: Okay, raise it– kick up the volume for us a little, if you could. LAURA: You got a big paragraph there. SAM: I know. Marisha has a lot. Sorry, Marisha. It’s up to you. Can you steal this two dollar bill? Here we go. Hit that third key. LAURA: You can do it, Marisha! (beeping sound) SAM (VO): (high-pitched) Nani! No way! We’ll never let paper and pen win! There’s a better, more organized way to play D&D! I’m just a transfer student who doesn’t understand the power I have inside me, but today is our cram school’s cultural festival and our hot springs-themed maid cafe needs to be perfect. Therefore, my burning grip commands me to defeat you. Take my passion, my rage, and all my pain! Shining Thumb Sword Exorcist Attack! Believe it! I am Gundam! D&D Beyond level 9,000! MATT: Oh god.
TRAVIS: Wow. (applause)
TRAVIS: Wow, strong finish! SAM: That was good! TRAVIS: Strong finish! SAM: That was great!
ASHLEY: Oh man! SAM: Liam O’Brien, take us home with that third clip. This is all you. LIAM: Waiting for the twist of the knife. SAM (VO): Marisha-kun, no! you can’t defeat him on your own. You need the strength and the Super Ultra Robo Blue Gundam Soul Eater Bot Musashi Bebop Titan Defender A-class Warrior Mech! Also known as Mecha D&D Beyond! Mecha D&D Beyond, I summon thee by the power of http colon forward slash forward slash dndbeyond dot com! (yelling) (laughter) SAM: Oh, that is some classic anime. (applause) MATT: Literally reverse dubbing. You completely undercut your whole point. SAM: The judges have spoken. Magical girl Marisha has won it. (applause) MARISHA: Not even from Texas! (laughter) SAM: That’s how you dub! Anyway, thanks D&D Beyond, and have a pleasant weekend at the D&D live event. MATT: Thank you, Sam, and thank you, D&D Beyond. On a much more calm note, our second sponsor tonight returning, our friends at Eldritch Foundry. Those who don’t know, they just recently kicked off this amazing Kickstarter. They are massive critters and have been for a long time. They are setting up their own customizable 3D-printed miniature program for you to go ahead and check out. Their campaign right now has already unlocked distinct races like tieflings, dragonborns, goliaths, and gnomes. They have more goals to hit, which unlock animal creatures like kenku, tortles, and werewolves. Their next stretch goal, I think, is steampunk items, as well as the war forge they’re hoping for, which is pretty awesome. You can go check out their fantastic Kickstarter at critrole.com/eldritchfoundry for more information to see if it’s your bag. Right now, there’s a special promotion for tonight. They’re giving away two of their Dark Temple Kickstarter tiers. They have $500 value– on their official social outlets: one on Twitter and one on Facebook. Head over there now for a chance to win your own character commission and an item designed by Critter artist Ilya Salnikov, who is amazing. Their work is incredible. Thank you so much, and super excited for you guys. (cheering) (applause) MATT: All right. Speaking of the the D&D stream, a few of us are going to be doing that this weekend. Taliesin, you’re up tomorrow, right? TALIESIN: Yeah, I got to finish some stuff. Yeah. SAM: Are you running a game? TALIESIN: No, I just haven’t finished getting everything together that I’m doing. I know, never, so… MATT: You’re playing with some cool people and some friends. It’s going to be awesome. TALIESIN: I’m excited and nervous. MATT: Then on Saturday, Marisha’s running a game, which is going to be amazing. Yeah, she’s dungeon mastering. It’s going to be badass. MARISHA: I also have to finish some things. (laughter) MATT: You got this. MARISHA: It’s Friday, tomorrow. MATT: Yeah. Then I’m playing tomorrow as well, later in the afternoon. I get to step into the shoes of a lore character I’m excited about. I think there’ll be more information about it tomorrow, but I’m pretty excited. So check it out on D&D’s Twitch channel throughout the weekend. In case you guys missed it, we announced that we are finally, after– we’re a small company with a certain number of people and there’s only so much we can do at any given point in time– but we’ve been working really hard, and we finally got the cosplay galleries up and running. We’ve been working on that for awhile. LIAM: We’ve been talking about it for ages. MARISHA: It took a lot of infrastructure. You’d be surprised. MATT: Everything takes a lot. Everything takes a lot. Thanks to the hard work of the amazing people here on our team, they’ll be coming to our website soon. We’ve all seen some of the incredible cosplay that this community has produced and we want to be able to to show that off and also include possible prizes for Talks Machina for folks here and there. Mainly just celebrate this amazing group of cosplayers out there that are part of this community. We’re launching the Cosplay of the Week Contest on Talks next week. You can go to critrole.com for all the details and visit critrole.com/submit to see how to submit your cosplay. The other news we put up, which I’m still processing, in celebration of Red Nose Day, which is an amazing charity. It’s an annual fundraising event to help end childhood poverty. They do incredible work every year. If you haven’t checked it out, I highly recommended it. We’ve teamed up with Stephen Colbert. LAURA: (yelling) TRAVIS: Colbert! MATT: To create a very special mini one-shot I’m going to be running one-on-one for him next week. Going to New York to run on one-on-one mini campaign for Stephen Colbert. I don’t think it’s hit me yet. It will air our YouTube channel on May 23rd. LAURA: How can fans participate? MATT: As part of this campaign, you get to shape aspects of the storyline. If you go to critrole.com/rednoseday, you can vote now with your donations towards many of the different facets of the story that you want to see make it there. We have choices for which companion goes along with Stephen on his adventures, we get to choose which kind of magical artifact that Stephen is looking for, we get to choose what class he plays, and then we also get to choose who the ultimate villain is of the campaign. TALIESIN: Queen Bee. MATT: Taliesin has some preferences. At first there were some front runners that I was like, “Oh, well, this is already decided,” but there has been some neck-and-neck fights the past couple days with donations.
LAURA: Everything’s down to two really hardcore– MATT: Yeah, so check it out if you want to participate and help donate to support this amazing cause. Go ahead and check it out. That’s critrole.com/rednoseday. Look forward to showing you guys this ridiculous bucket list item that’s happening that I’m… Yeah, I don’t know what’s happening anymore. I never know what’s happening anymore. On that note, let’s go ahead and bring us in to tonight’s episode of Critical Role. (cheering) (water bubbling) (thunder) (explosion) ♪ Role, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical Critical ♪ ♪ Roll the dice, roll the dice ♪ ♪ The adventure begins ♪ ♪ They were always beside you ♪ ♪ Your nerdy best friends ♪ ♪ And the DM to guide you ♪ ♪ And they rise from the flames ♪ ♪ For the battles ahead ♪ ♪ Villains beware ♪ ♪ ‘Cause you’re ’bout to be dead ♪ (dramatic music) ♪ They’ve got magic and flair ♪ ♪ They’ve got falchions and cunning ♪ ♪ They don’t see over there ♪ ♪ There’s a monster incoming ♪ ♪ Inspiration is waiting ♪ ♪ Rise up, don’t think twice ♪ ♪ Put your fate in your hands ♪ ♪ Take a chance, roll the dice ♪ ♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Can you answer the call? ♪ ♪ Dig in deep in your soul ♪ ♪ As the legend unfolds ♪ ♪ Now it’s your turn ♪ ♪ Your turn, your turn ♪ ♪ To roll ♪ (flames) (dragon roaring) MATT: Hello and welcome back. So last we left off, the Mighty Nein, you had, after achieving a couple of fairly decent goals for the city of Rosohna and for the Kryn dynasty. Both returning one of their Luxon Beacons to the Bright Queen, and then after that, completing a mission out towards a giant-infested mine and steelworks. Managed to get the giants back to their home, free it of the incursion from some sort of seemingly placed abyssal assault and returned to gain your prize. For this goodwill, you’ve been gifted with a house within the Firmaments. Upon returning that evening, you then decorated, bought furniture, made a tree in the tower, met some of the neighbors, went ahead and did some shopping, wandered the city a bit, gathered some information, and all leading to this supposed meeting point at the Overcrow Apothecary where this individual you had scryed, who seemed to be involved with these these abyssal anchors that you found now in two locations in Xhorhas, was going to meet. You were preparing for this, went ahead and scryed again and seemed to pick up more information. This figure, this individual was peripheral to other individuals out of sight who are discussing some sort of war plans. With this information, you had decided to go ahead and make your way towards the Lucid Bastion in the center of the city and inform the Bright Queen, perhaps, of what you heard. And that was where we left off. So Mighty Nein, on the evening before the day of the supposed meeting you’ve gathered your things, you’ve left your new home, and you begin walking through the Firmaments towards the Lucid Bastion. As you approach– well, first off, I’m going to give whoever had the suude, I have your sheet here for you. LAURA: Oh shit. MATT: I do have that from last week. TALIESIN: Well, that’s back in play. MATT: Yeah. That’s what happens when you steal from smugglers. (clears throat) First off, is there anything you want to prepare or discuss before you get to the Bastion? SAM: I would just like to say, the last time we saw the Bright Queenie, when things went wrong, we pulled out a thing smartly, smartly. Is there anything else that we have on our person that we should not have before we walk into this room? Do we have that little vial of you know what? LIAM: We do. SAM: Should we not have that? LAURA: I think that’s okay. It’s not like they worship the little vial thingie. SAM: What about the tripod? Are we not supposed to have that? TALIESIN: I don’t think that even necessarily, no– LIAM: I think the relevance was just to their holy item. TRAVIS: Good thought, though. SAM: Okay.
MARISHA: Do we have that rift disk portal thing? LAURA: No.
SAM: We broke it. LAURA: Nott destroyed it. SAM: But did we hang onto it? I don’t know– TALIESIN: We did. We had all the pieces
LAURA: It mostly shattered. MATT: The center part of it had been broken, but the general structure of the outer ring was still intact. TALIESIN: The frisbee. SAM: That’s good to have though, right? LAURA: Yeah, we should definitely show her that. TALIESIN: Oh yeah. SAM: Is there any other evidence that we should know about before we go in? What do we say? MARISHA: I just don’t want to die because she thinks that– SAM: Oh, we have one other piece of evidence! We have the little blue piece of cloth, right? LAURA: Yes, yes, yes. SAM: She could use that to verify our scrying, maybe.
LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: Sure, I guess. We don’t need it anymore, right? SAM: No. LAURA: I know what he looks like. I can scry on him pretty easily now I think. TRAVIS: So all the places that we’ve seen rifts, right: we’ve seen them in the giant hoard, we’ve seen it in the well, right? LAURA: Yes, in another city, not here. SAM: That was in the beast city. TRAVIS: Yeah, but still under this territory. SAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. TRAVIS: Then, was there a third place? SAM: There was two places in that in the City of Beasts. TRAVIS: Oh that’s right, yeah, two. So this is the third time we’ve seen it. SAM: Yeah.
LAURA: Yeah. TRAVIS: All right.
SAM: Okay. LAURA: He made it seem like– well, if he’s placing them, how many more he could have placed? That’s crazy. SAM: And we’re all agreeing that me and Jester are doing the talking? You guys are just going to take a back seat? We’ve got this. LAURA: She really likes us.
TRAVIS: I think I’m going to option out of that one as well. I think maybe this should be a group effort, right, yep. I think we should also include our knowledge of– what was the place we just visited? They have the real nice massage in the front? You got the chestal rubbed it going down? MARISHA: Oh, oh, the Overcrow. TRAVIS: Overcrow, thank you. ASHLEY: I could always do all the talking as well. SAM: That would be great actually. I would like that. LAURA: You’re pretty charismatic. ASHLEY: I’m a big talker, I know. SAM: You have a Xhorhasian accent. So it would help. ASHLEY: No, we’ll see if would come in handy. TRAVIS: No day like the present day, I’m all about it. Caduceus, how you feeling? TALIESIN: Uh… SAM: Enough said. TALIESIN: Yeah. This is complicated.
LIAM: He’s got some heavy Disney Baloo vibes. TALIESIN: Let’s just tell them nothing but the bare necessities. ASHLEY: Yeah, the simple bare necessities. TALIESIN: I was trying to figure out a City of Beasts well alone Tumbleweeds song joke, but never mind. LIAM: Let’s talk out what we are going to be discussing with her. LAURA: Well, we’ll tell her that we went and there was the rift, right? That we got that order from Professor Waccoh. SAM: One of her people. LAURA: Yeah, yeah. We went and took care of it and found another one of the disks. We scryed on the the fabric, those left behind on the desk, and that’s how we found it out. That’s it. SAM: Just the truth. Caduceus always says. MARISHA: We overheard about the attack in the incursion– TALIESIN: Why didn’t we tell them sooner? LAURA: We did.
SAM: To verify. We needed to verify. MARISHA: We just got back today. SAM: A week ago. MARISHA: A week ago. We just got back a week ago. SAM: We had to settle the house. LAURA: We’re going to her as soon as I scryed. It’s not like– TRAVIS: We tried to prepare as much information as possible.
TALIESIN: Well, I mean, to be fair, I guess there wasn’t really an intense thing until just now. MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: The first time it was just a dude writing in a book. Now we know he’s with the other guys and they’re planning an attack. TALIESIN: I personally would like to see how she reacts to this information before we start offering our notions on what the best course of action is. I would like to maybe get a sense of her immediate concerns and character. MARISHA: Yeah, what if she rallies all the troops and drags out the war machines and– TALIESIN: Well, then we can say on the other hand– LAURA: We need to, you know, capture the guy first. We need to make sure we have somebody really powerful with us because I have a feeling this guy’s pretty strong. If he’s coming over here alone multiple times and setting these traps, he’s probably got some tricks up his sleeve. MARISHA: The attack on the garrison could be any day now, any hour now, realistically. TALIESIN: We should do what we can to save as many lives as possible. LAURA: I think if we get him first though, then he will know more details. MARISHA: That’s true. TALIESIN: Sure. MARISHA: He’s supposed to be at the Overcrow. LAURA: Oh my gosh. I just thought of something. What if I try to locate that book that he was writing in? We could Locate Object that if he’s in the city and he had that book, he would have all of the plans. He was writing it all down in there. TRAVIS: If he was in the city? I thought we thought he might not be, like he was back in the Empire, I thought. LAURA: Well, but if he’s meeting at the Overcrow tomorrow, then he might be around. TRAVIS: Yeah. TALIESIN: Is it tomorrow or tonight? LAURA: Tomorrow.
MATT: Tomorrow is when the Overcrow meeting is supposed to happen. TALIESIN: Well, it would be best to have some sort of official permission to be skulking around, if we’re going to go back to skulking. I’d just prefer for them to know that we have a plan. LIAM: Also, if we attempt to talk her out of backing out of the garrison, as you suggested, it could tip off our friends back home that something is wrong and spook our blond friend,ja? LAURA: Right. MARISHA: Well, I’m sure they know that there are spies. It doesn’t have to be us, though. They don’t know that much. LAURA: Does that mean that the goblin that’s running the Overcrow is actually working for the Empire? TALIESIN: I think it does. SAM: You can never trust a goblin. LAURA: That’s something I’ve always said. SAM: That’s something that we’ve all always said. LAURA: No, we haven’t said that, Nott. MARISHA: There’s clearly moles on both sides. Any type of war effort has to know that. TALIESIN: Well, maybe they’ll see the the sense in just taking one’s time, being careful, maybe not showing your hand. LIAM: We counsel caution. TRAVIS: Remove those moles one at a time.
LAURA: That’s right. You should always check them out because they could lead to worse things. Yeah, it could be real bad. TRAVIS: Let’s go.
SAM: Let’s do this. MATT: As you approach the exterior of Lucid Bastion at this point in the evening, a cluster of six Aurora Watch guards approach, the leader of them hand up. “Halt, what is your business at the Bastion?” LAURA: We have really important– should I be the one talking? We have some really important information that the Bright Queen will want to hear about. TRAVIS: Show ’em your– TALIESIN: It really can’t wait. LAURA: This is the emblem, seriously. MATT: “For the Bright Queen right now.” LAURA: It is so important. TRAVIS: Multipass. MATT: All these badges. He’s like, “Fine, put it down. “Luxon be praised. “All right, I will see if she is available. “Please come within the antechamber.” All the guards flank around, not aggressively, but they escort you in, an armed escort, back through the echoing halls of the Lucid Bastion. LAURA: I ring the bell as soon as we walk in. (laughter) MATT: This guy comes rushing out– (sighs) Goes back to business. Eventually making your way to the same familiar antechamber you guys had rested when you first arrived here, though thankfully without having to deal with three moorbounders at your back. The same small fountain there, the the cups remain, the small seating arrangement. As you enter the chamber, the doors closed behind, the guards leave it to you. One guard leaves through the other side of the chamber and you get a quick glimpse inside the central cathedral of the Bright Queen. That same glow diffused light throughout the chamber, the same source orb hanging from the center above, the white chains riding off of it, across, you can see that she’s there on the Bright Queen’s throne. The room, you get just a quick glance, they’re in the mid-discussion. There is definitely– it is a busy evening. But you wait and you wait. LAURA: Is the bright Queen in the same clothes or was she in different clothes? MATT: Hard to tell at this distance. You saw the the headpiece. TALIESIN: Are there snacks? We didn’t have breakfast. We had breakfast, we didn’t have lunch. TRAVIS: Can we tell how many are up on the platform with her? MATT: Well, it’s closed already. You just got a quick glance. Roll a perception check. LAURA: Whoa.
SAM: Jesus. What the hell was that thing? TRAVIS: It’s a gift. 15. MATT: 15. You saw the Bright Queen’s right hand that you previously saw at her side was there to the left and you think you saw the Skysybil Abrianna Mirimm there as well, but that’s all you got to see in that quick glance through the air before it closed. You’re there for about 30 or so minutes before eventually the doors open once more. The guard says, “You are accepted into an audience with the bright Queen. “This way.” The chamber opens. As you guys walk into the interior, you can see already there is a– it is less– a small number of people in attendance here. Previously, you had all the raised platforms with the chairs of the different den heads that were there and the five chairs that were on the main central raised portion of the platform where the Bright Queen was. Now, you can see maybe six individuals present. Two on one side, two on the other and there is the Bright Queen and the right hand there. In a quick glance, you recognize some of them. These people were present when you first came through. It’s just a diminished amount. It seems like this isn’t a formal gathering of all hands on-deck, more just general matters. You see Essek is present on the left side, Mirimm is in the right up in her chair, the the ancient goblin lore master of the Luxon. The Bright Queen sits on her throne. You can see now where she stands, the beacon statue that sits on the pedestal in front of her throne has a small light placed in it, probably signifying the return of the beacon itself, having that a warm glow that lights her from underneath where she sits, her arms out on the sides. LAURA: Is she in the same clothes or does she have different armor on? MATT: The outfit is slightly different. She still has the same mantle and light armor that’s placed across the front, but now she wears this long gown that has a diamond-esque rhinestones. As you get closer, there’s a slight blue shimmy to them. LAURA: Blue shimmy? MATT: There you go. LAURA: I really like that. MATT: The guard walks you up to that same center place where you have both sides of the chair rows looking down onto you. The Bright Queen still sits, doesn’t stand at your presence, as you all approach quietly and come to stop. “I have been told that you have important business “and had to see me. “Well, you’ve proven helpful before “so you have my attention. “What is this business that was so important?” TALIESIN: Your highness, is this as private an audience as we can get? MATT: “There is no more private place in this city.” TALIESIN: Good. SAM: Yasha, take it away. (laughter) ASHLEY: We went to go see Professor Waccoh and she sent us to a place and found a rift, we found a disk and we found a piece of fabric. LAURA: Yes. The rift, you know, was– Okay. Basically, we have word that there’s going to be a big attack and we know where it’s going to be. We found out because we found this rift that was broken and then we broke it, we ended the rift. Then we scryed on this little piece of fabric that was stuck to it, right? Then we found out there was this dude and he’s been doing it in a bunch of other places and then I scryed– SAM: Maybe we should back up a little bit back. So we met at like a circus. MATT: Little gruff goblin– (laughter) SAM: It was a crazy night. After a while yada yada– MARISHA: I think we should mention the portal. MATT: The Bright Queen puts her hand up. You could hear Mirimm chuckle. “Time is precious in this conflict. “I would ask: succinctly, what you have found “and why it is important to us?” LAURA: You should just say what we wrote down. TRAVIS: There is… MARISHA: We have very strong reason to believe that there is going to be incursion on Ashguard Garrison. LAURA: That one. ASHLEY: I was getting there, I just– MATT: “From whom?” MARISHA: Well, with the aforementioned piece of fabric that we found attached to this rift breaking device, Jester with her–
LAURA: I scryed. MARISHA: Jester scryed and he appeared to be some sort of agent working for King Dwendal. LAURA: He had a Zemnian accent, right? MARISHA: Clearly from the Empire. We happened to peek in on a very fervored and intense meeting on attacks. LAURA: He was like meeting with, like, the king or something. Everyone was saying your highness. SAM: My liege. LAURA: My liege, my liege. MARISHA: From what we heard, they are very upset at losing Ashguard Garrison as you can imagine. I imagine they’d be pulling out all the stops. They are also releasing troops and guards into the Ashguard Keep mountains, the Ash-Ashkeep Mountains. MATT: Ashkeeper. MARISHA: The Ashkeeper Mountains. I said correctly in game. MATT: There you go. (laughter) LAURA: Also, also, also, should we tell her about that– SAM: Overcrow. LAURA: So he’s coming, I heard him say he was going to be here tomorrow night. He’s going to be at the Overcrow. SAM: The Overcrow Apothecary, which we pre-scouted just to make sure it wasn’t a den of whatever. And it is. It’s a home of smuggling and an invisible bugbear and all sorts of nastiness. TRAVIS: We didn’t want to waste your time. We thought it was important to vet– TALIESIN: This was all just conjecture until a few hours ago. MATT: “Do you recall any discussion “of the scope of this attack on the Ashguard?” MARISHA: Yes. The scope was, hang on let me just pull out– I like to take notes. LAURA: We told her all about it and she wrote it down. SAM: Yes, no. They said that they were going to be using Scourgers. MARISHA: They are going to be mobilizing three legions, I don’t know how many that employs. MATT: You see a few faces look around a little bit surprised. MARISHA: As well as bringing in the Righteous Brand as scouts into the Ashkeeper Peaks and they’re looking at bringing in the Scourgers. TRAVIS: Those fucking dope note skills, player! MARISHA: On top of that, we have reason– ASHLEY: They said they were using them as a distraction. MARISHA: Yes.
SAM: The Scourgers were being–? ASHLEY: Yeah. MARISHA: If I had to guess, your highness, the man that we were able to spy on is a Scourger. If he is able to come this far across the border, I have reason to believe it’s by magical means. TALIESIN: Possibly responsible for these devices. LIAM: Yes, it’s been a series of them that have been planted throughout your kingdom. LAURA: We’ve destroyed three of them. MATT: “This device you speak of is similar to the one “that you found in Asarius?” TRAVIS: Exactly right. MARISHA: Oh, with that also, we’ve heard that with such a massive movement of the soldiers that the Empire has reached out to the Gold Chain Mercenaries from Nicodranas to help guard the mainlands. LAURA: Really expensive and really powerful. Fjord knows, he told me. TRAVIS: Yep. MATT: The Bright Queen looks to– SAM: Thanks Fjord. MATT: –her right hand, where she sits next to the Bright Queen and goes, “Perhaps we should put some guard into the south “on the Lucidian Ocean. “And you can–” LAURA: This is what he looks like. I pull out my sketch drawing of him. If, you know, if you’ve seen him and you go, like, “Oh my gosh, he was, like, talking to me “and I didn’t know.” MATT: She looks over towards Essek. “They’ve been assigned as your wards “and do you trust in this, yes? “You believe them?” Essek’s sitting there in the chair, you can see the hands just barely crossed poking through the cloak. Goes, “I trust them.” TRAVIS: ‘Cause he’s been checking on that shit. LAURA: Probably. MATT: She gives a nod. “Well, we shall plan accordingly. “They will rue the day “they tried to assail us on their terms.” MARISHA: May I be so humble to ask what that plan might include? MATT: “That is not of your concern, “but we appreciate your diligence “in offering us this information.” MARISHA: If I may offer one more word, my lady? Being of the Empire, what we can for sure tell you is that they do not take kindly to being bested or embarrassed and they will retaliate with the full force of everything they’ve been working towards. MATT: “If I am correct in my beliefs, “this is retaliation for our retaliation.” MARISHA: Yes, it’s a lot of retaliation. MATT: “This will continue until one side cannot retaliate “and we hope with a swift enough and well-planned “plot laid out with this information, “perhaps we can keep them “from being able to retaliate for some time.” MARISHA: I am no war strategist or battle advisor, but if you want to live for this vendetta and retaliate another day I would highly consider evacuating your troops from Ashguard Garrison and defending amongst the border. MATT: “Trust that we do have military advisors. “We have individuals who have dedicated “their entire existence and multiple lives “to being tacticians on the battlefield.” MARISHA: Of course. MATT: “We have this handled, but thank you. “You mentioned Scourgers. “What can you tell me about these Scourgers?” SAM: Caleb. LAURA: I don’t, I don’t– SAM: Caleb might now. Caleb will know. MATT: “What do you know of these Scourgers?” LIAM: I know a fair amount. Years ago, I was training to be one. I-I made it quite far in the process before I was cast out. B-but I know things, and I know I’m retreading past ground, but I hope that as you protect your people and your kingdom you will consider instead of utter destruction, there are people on the other side of those mountains who are not happy with the ones running the show. Use us. Use us for your ends. Use us to find this other missing relic. Use us and our contacts to help supplant to the Cerberus. MARISHA: We can help you break the cycle. MATT: “The cycle cannot be broken “until there is nothing living. “All we can do is our best to keep it slow.” LAURA: Why can’t the cycle be broken? MATT: “Because life is pain for many. “Jealousy, strife. “Some need to conquer. “There will always be those “that will do whatever it takes to get one over “the man or woman or otherwise to their left and right.” TALIESIN: Talking about yourself or the Empire right now? MATT: “I’m talking about anything that draws breath. “And it is our duty to acknowledge that “and try to keep those base designs at bay. “But one cannot bow down “when others do not show that same will of understanding “or else they will lie slaughtered.” LIAM: My lady, what have you to lose by using us as a tool to carve out the rotten– MATT: “I have not spoken “on whether or not I choose to utilize what you bring yet. LIAM: (whispered) Apologies. MATT: “These Scourgers once more, what are they? “Warriors?” LIAM: Mages. MATT: “Artillery, assassins, what are they?” LIAM: They are both, hidden spies and destroyers. Executioners. MATT: “I think I begin to see the pattern of their design. “Should this information be true, “you have done quite a service in letting me know. “Many lives will be saved “and for that we are very grateful. “You’ve proved worthy allies to the dynasty “and this loyalty will be rewarded. “Now, you say this individual that you’ve seen “is coming to the city?” SAM: There’s a rendezvous– LAURA: Tomorrow night. SAM: At this apothecary. LAURA: The Overcrow. MATT: “See to this, “find and bring me this individual.” LAURA: Yeah, we can totally do that. That’s no problem. MATT: “Do you not believe you’re capable?” LAURA: Your highness, of course I believe we are capable. We’re super strong. MATT: “We have very capable– “if there is any doubt, “we can have others–” LIAM: There is no doubt. MARISHA: No, we got this. MATT: Essek puts his hand– LAURA: Did you want to come, Essek? on attacks. “I have my own business to attend to, “but I will vouch for their capabilities “and my tutelage.” The Bright Queen gives him a look and goes, “If this is true, “you know this man of which you have seen. “Bring him to me, preferably alive. “Because if he is as connected as you say, “we have ways of pulling that information from him. “And that information could bring this war to an end “far sooner than any of us had hoped. “Can you do this?” SAM: Yeah. LAURA: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. MATT: “Then go. “The Luxon’s light upon you.” SAM: Light upon you as well. LAURA: I really like your dress today. Okay, bye. SAM: I guess we just leave. LAURA: Are we allowed– should we back away? SAM: We’re going to just back away, really awkward. MATT: She puts her hand and gives a– not a shooing motion, but a very well you may leave. SAM: Keep backing away. Feel where the wall is. MATT: Just slowly exit. MARISHA: Don’t make eye contact. TRAVIS: There’s no wall behind us. LAURA: Yeah, I know. We fall down the stairs. MATT: As you guys exit out, the guard escort leads you back towards the front of the Lucid Bastion and eventually left out towards the edge of the Firmaments once more. SAM: I think if we get close enough to her she will let you tattoo her. LAURA: You think, you think?
SAM: I think so. LAURA: Man, how cool would that be? SAM: Well, bodies don’t really matter to them, right? Don’t they recycle them every so often? LAURA: I think so. SAM: Yeah, so why not just to get it tatted up? LAURA: Maybe she’s like, “Oh man two lives ago, “I had this really cool tattoo. “Could you recreate it or something?” That would be awesome. LIAM: We need to do this perfectly. MARISHA: Which part? All of it? LIAM: Yeah, but tomorrow– MARISHA: What did we just do? TRAVIS: Yeah, I’m not sure. LAURA: We just totally committed ourselves to Xhorhas is all. TRAVIS: That didn’t go the way I hoped it would have. SAM: How did you think it was, yeah? TRAVIS: I would hope there would be more of an audience for reason. I mean it in a fight, if you can take away the weapons of both sides, you are forced to use alternate means to resolve your differences. The Cerberus Assembly is a weapon. I would prefer to attack that than to wipe a nation of its people. LIAM: Correct, I agree. LAURA: Was she saying she’s going to kill everybody in the Empire? TRAVIS: She’s saying until no one else draws breath. LIAM: She seems very bloodthirsty. MARISHA: And mentioned them not respecting the life. What did she meant by that? TRAVIS: Very wide net she’s casting.
LAURA: If everybody in the Empire like bends the knee? That’s what they say, right? SAM: I think I’ve heard that recently. LAURA: Yeah. What if they all do that and then they’re part of Xhorhas and then she doesn’t have to kill them? Then it’s all one happy country. MARISHA: It felt like that’s what she was alluding to, but not necessarily bending the knee to her, bending the knee to their beliefs, their Luxon, is what it felt like. TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: You know, if they believe in this cycle, they believe in their intrinsic attachment to the dodecahedrons, I could only imagine they would only benefit from having more people attached to that, right? TRAVIS: Well, we’re just guessing at this point. I mean, the information’s out there. We can’t take it back. LIAM: We’re also not going to stop these people from trying to kill each other. We need to swim upstream together, we need to get through this, we need to earn their trust. I know that we’ll feel awful to do what we are doing, one moment please. MARISHA: I’m sorry. I thought you had finished your point. LIAM: I hadn’t. I want to do things at home, Beauregard, and that’s not going to happen unless we completely earn her trust. TRAVIS: You mean back in the Empire? LIAM: Yeah. And for that we need to do a good job. TRAVIS: Do you think she would give us a wide enough berth to head back to the Empire? I’m starting to think, since we seem to be on the same page, we might just have to do it ourselves. LAURA: Yeah, we could go whenever we want to, now that Caleb has that awesome thingie. TALIESIN: I think that, perhaps, there’s a course of action that is in front of us right now and it seems to be the right one. If we’re only taking into account what what we can see and what’s in front of us and I think we have to keep abiding by that for a while. LIAM: I think rather than piss around and have her just sweep us aside, we show our real capability and then work with her, work with them, to send us in, working conjunction with them, and maybe some of our intentions are parallel and some are not, but we know what we are doing. She will use us, we will use them. LAURA: We’re still standing on the street. TALIESIN: I assume we’re walking towards– MARISHA: They’re walking and whispering. TALIESIN: As long as we serve our interests. MARISHA: I have no doubt we can capture this guy and complete that and do a fucking stellar job because we’re awesome. LAURA: We are really powerful. MARISHA: We’re really great. TALIESIN: Doing it will save lives. LAURA: He’s probably really powerful, too. SAM: Yeah, he did open up rifts to a different dimension. LAURA: Well, he did that with a thing. SAM: He still made the thing, though. LAURA: How do you know? Maybe somebody gave it to him. Maybe he’s just like this dude that walks around and puts down on the ground. TALIESIN: One way to find out. SAM: Like a delivery boy? LAURA: Yeah.
SAM: Yeah, you’re right. LIAM: The Empire is also not lily-white. I was trained to kill people at a word that I did not ultimately know. Their guilt. LAURA: Bad people in charge, normal people on the streets. SAM: Maybe we should just be in charge. LAURA: Yeah! That’s awesome! Let’s help her tear down the Empire and as a reward– SAM: Stab her in the neck, take over the kingdom. LAURA: That’s not was I was going to say. SAM: Oh, I was– LAURA: Leave her in Xhorhas and then she can give us the Empire and we’ll be like, “We will totally serve you!” and then we’ll be the kings and queens over there that like are her friends. SAM: Okay, okay. LAURA: Cycle broken. TALIESIN: Well– TRAVIS: Uh… TALIESIN: In all seriousness– SAM: In all seriousness, that could happen! LAURA: Yeah! LIAM: I have a question. MARISHA: Yeah? LIAM: Do you want to get in touch with your mentor before tomorrow night or after? MARISHA: Uh… SAM: I would suggest before, just in case she is possibly going to meet– MARISHA: I am terrified I’m going to run into this bitch in an elevator and it’s going to be so fucking awkward. TRAVIS: That’s going to be the most dope John Wick Four scene ever. I hope that shit happens. (laughter) I am down for that. Do we have elevators in this game? MATT: I’ll make one just for that. TRAVIS: Ding! (punches) LAURA: What if she’s working with the blonde guy? MARISHA: I’ve thought about it! LAURA: What if she’s going to be at the Overcrow tomorrow? MARISHA: What if she kills me? What if she finds out? LAURA: She’s not going to kill you. You’re so powerful and strong. TRAVIS: Also, if I may, we know the skeletons that are in the closet of the Empire, right? We assume that we’re on the side of goodness and we’re trying to stop the evil from being perpetuated by everything we’ve heard.
LIAM: No. TRAVIS: We don’t know this side. LAURA: No, they could totally. TRAVIS: Okay, just making sure we’re all on the same page. TALIESIN: I’m not here just to serve a monarchy or anything like that. I’m just here to– TRAVIS: That was very impassioned dialogue. That’s going to be hard to walk back. MARISHA: You guys know, so, when I was working at the winery with my dad or even on the boat and when you’re building a barrel you have to put the barrel straps on one side at a time– LAURA: Mm-hmm. MARISHA: — because if you do one side in order, the whole thing will get lopsided and it’ll all fall apart. TALIESIN: Like pants? MARISHA: Like pants. TALIESIN: Just do one leg at a time, one barrel strap at a time. MARISHA: Talking about a two-sided approach. TALIESIN: Oh yeah, never mind. LAURA: Oh, you have to put them together, you mean? SAM: You mean that we should also ally ourselves– ASHLEY: Two separate– I see.
SAM: I don’t understand. MARISHA: Or, okay, different analogy, but similar thing– SAM: Are you saying that we should also ally ourselves with the Empire at the same time? LAURA: And just play everybody. MARISHA: No, I’m saying– LAURA: Let’s form our own country. SAM: Hold on.
MARISHA: I’m saying… (laughter) (laughter) TRAVIS: Holy shit! MATT: The rest of the campaign is just watching everyone kill each other from a distance as you guys just mark off a beach somewhere north. This is Jesterlands. TALIESIN: We’re just going to have an oil drilling station and we’re just going to trade Bitcoin. (laughter) TRAVIS: It’s not a good beach. (laughter) Holy fuck. MATT: As you were saying. MARISHA: Okay, okay, different analogy. SAM: No, no, stick with the barrels. TALIESIN: I think the barrel worked. MARISHA: When you put lug nuts on a wheel on a wagon and you have to put all of them on a little bit before you tighten one down, before you tighten them all down, or else the whole thing gets fucking out of whack. TRAVIS: It’s more of an 80s car thing, but yeah. LAURA: When you’re building an Ikea bookshelf and you put the things in the holes at the different– SAM: Metaphors aside, are you saying that we should also be aligning ourselves with the Empire in a loosey goosey way? MARISHA: I’m saying if we’re going to dismantle this properly– LAURA: We’re talking quietly, PS. MATT: I assume you guys are already back at your house by now.
LAURA: Yeah, yeah. MARISHA: If we’re going to dismantle this properly, it might not be from all one side. It might not work if it’s all from one side. It’s kind of what Caleb was saying. LIAM: We just need to coordinate with your people. MARISHA: Fuck.
TRAVIS: Oh fuck, I don’t know. I don’t know. MARISHA: He might not be wrong. He might not be wrong. LIAM: What if in the next 24 hours you don’t– Jester, can you put Beauregard in touch with Dairon? LAURA: If they don’t do the attack, then we’ve proven ourselves as bad informants and untrustworthy. They need to do the attack. TRAVIS: Shit. That’s a fucking solid point. TALIESIN: That would mean they can’t know about it. MARISHA: Bad informants on which side? SAM: The Dynasty. Yeah, if you tell your friend and she tells home base and they don’t do the attack, then we’ve fucked ourselves. You shouldn’t talk to your friend now. MARISHA: I don’t have to tell her everything. LIAM: There you go. TALIESIN: The only way that they know that they can continue to get good information from us is if the attack’s successful anyway. TALIESIN: If we prevent it, then we’re no longer of value to anybody. LIAM: Before too long, we are going to want to coordinate with your order, but your reservations are plausible. So maybe we see this through. MARISHA: I could get in contact with her and I could just mention the rifts. LIAM: Yeah. I worry about you stumbling across her before letting them know. You follow? MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: Okay. Back to your point about the attack having to happen, I agree with that wholeheartedly, Jester, but people, operatives die in the field all the time. Just all of them need to die at this location. There can’t be anybody to report back. They all need to die except for our prisoner or we take them all prisoners. MARISHA: You want to kill Maruo? SAM: Or capture.
LIAM: Capture. They just can’t be allowed to communicate. SAM: This is happening tomorrow? LAURA: Yes. MATT: You’re not certain what time, just tomorrow. SAM: Well, should we stop thinking about the broader strategy and start thinking more tactically about how we’re going to surround this place and set an ambush? MARISHA: Capturing him, though, if we capture him and we still let Maruo go and if she is a mole and an informant– LAURA: We’ve got to kill her. SAM: There’s also the invisible bugbear. MARISHA: But she would report back that he had been captured. ASHLEY: Maybe we capture all of them. LAURA: That’s what I mean. We have to– LIAM: Get all of them. LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: But he could potentially be the leak of the attack? TRAVIS: Which one?
SAM: Who? ASHLEY: The invisible– MARISHA: The blonde guy. TALIESIN: Blondie bear.
LAURA: Oh, I understand. MARISHA: If I’m Maruo– TRAVIS: What’s our code word for that son of a bitch, by the way? LAURA: Blondie. TALIESIN: Greg Blondie. TRAVIS: That’s the best we got? SAM: Greg. TRAVIS: Greg, okay, Greg. MATT: He looked like a Greg, sure. MARISHA: Because if I was Maruo, I would immediately, if I’m a mole, say, “Greg’s been captured.” If an attack doesn’t happen or if something goes amiss and I’m the Empire, I would assume that it was Greg leaking information through torture–
SAM: It doesn’t matter because we’re going to capture Maruo, we’re going to capture the bugbear, we’re going to do it all. It won’t matter, no leaks. MARISHA: But what I’m saying is– LAURA: You want it to be a leak? I don’t understand.
SAM: You want it to get back to the Empire that Greg was captured? MARISHA: If they know that the Dynasty knows, maybe more people live? LAURA: If they know that Greg was captured, then we didn’t do our job right and we still aren’t serving the Bright Queens the way that she expects. SAM: The Bright Queen said go do it, can you do it? We said yes. If we let somebody go, we’ll have failed. TALIESIN: Then they’ll also know who it was. TRAVIS: Yeah. Look, we’re real good at handling a situation. We’re entering a bit of analysis paralysis, okay? Why don’t we focus on the task tomorrow, check it out tonight, make sure there’s no–
(knocking) (gasps) MATT: There’s a knock at the door at the front of the estate, the Xhorhouse.
SAM: Fuck. TRAVIS: I got it, I got it, I got it. MARISHA: I hide around the corner. TRAVIS: I’ll just crack the door, but keep my foot on the other side of it. Hello? MATT: Looking through at this late hour, you see two Aurora Watch soldiers, armored, both holding in their hands heavy, it looks like, handles on each side an iron box. TRAVIS: How can I help you this evening? MATT: “Delivery from Bright Queen.” TRAVIS: Oh, please bring it in. TALIESIN: Ting, ting, ting! LAURA: (jangling) TALIESIN: I’m going to do it every time. MATT: Yeah, the chimes. They walk in. They don’t pay much attention to the interior, but they both walk into the center of the main foyer area there and drop it on the ground. It’s a heavy, plain iron chest. TRAVIS: Single chest? MATT: Single chest, yeah. They both drop it. LAURA: Is it a dress for me like hers? MATT: “It is a delivered reward from the Bright Queen,” and they both turn around and leave. SAM: Should we tip? TRAVIS: No.
SAM: Okay. TALIESIN: Tip the hat. SAM: Let’s open it!
LAURA: (excited squeal) SAM: I’ll go check it for traps. TRAVIS: Wait, yeah, I don’t know. I want to think it’s something good, but what if it ain’t? MATT: Go ahead and roll. TALIESIN: It’s a little late. We’re living in her house. SAM: 24. LAURA: Your arm hair is tickling me. SAM: My armor? LAURA: Your arm hair. SAM: Oh. MATT: As you go over this iron chest, checking out the various nooks and crannies of it, you notice that it is not trapped. LAURA: Open it, open it. MATT: It’s not locked. It is a vast amount of gold coins. SAM: Ooh! SAM and LAURA: How much? MATT: You want to take some time to count? LAURA: Caleb. MARISHA: Yeah, you’re going to be up all night. MATT: The chest probably weights a little over 300 pounds. TRAVIS: Holy shit. MATT: It’s 15,500 gold pieces. LIAM: 14,532. LAURA: Somebody write that down.
TRAVIS: I got it. LIAM: 15 and change? SAM: 15,500. LAURA: Whoa. (gasps) Yasha, you can get your stuff! ASHLEY: Yes.
MARISHA: Oh yeah! TALIESIN: I can finally finish up that project for you that I’ve been meaning to finish up. SAM: Are we going to divvy it up? We’re divvying it up. TRAVIS: Sure. SAM: 2,214 to everyone. LAURA: What, that’s it? MARISHA: Two thousand what? SAM: 2,214. TRAVIS: That’s fucking awesome. MATT: You get the sense this is most likely a reward for presenting this information. MARISHA: That’s cool. TALIESIN: Wow. MARISHA: That helps. TALIESIN: That certainly is an improvement. TRAVIS: Anything about the box that we notice? Any sort of etching on the inside of it? MATT: Make a perception check. TRAVIS: Yeah, I will. Kerplunk. 13. MATT: No, it’s just like a box. You now have an iron chest as one of your various pieces of furniture in the household. LAURA: Ooh!
TALIESIN: Does it have a magical aura? MARISHA: Can we fashion a lock on that? TALIESIN: Sure. MATT: There’s a space for a lock to be put on it, but it’s not locked, nor does it come with one. LAURA: This is going to be our coffee table. LIAM: Yeah, we’ll just put a throw over it. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: There you go. SAM: I think we’ve decided correctly. TRAVIS: Okay, so the house, right? Who is it that saw the bugbear turn invisible? SAM: Caleb’s cat.
TRAVIS: Right. We need to establish if there is any way up into the house from underneath, right? Because we know where the entrances and exits of that house are, but we have to lay in wait. LAURA: All day long. He could be there at 1:00am, I don’t know if that’s a real time here. TRAVIS: It could be at the stroke of midnight. It could be at 12:01am. TALIESIN: It could be a teleport in and out without actually entering the building. LAURA: We need to be in there. TALIESIN: Or we wait till they’re– I don’t know, that’s the question, do we wait till they’re done having their conversation? SAM: Should we go tonight and just sort of scope out the neighbors, the rooftops across the street? TRAVIS: Are there sewers? Yeah. Jester’s right, we are going to need at least one person in there to yell, you know, “Cheeto” if shit goes off. TALIESIN: We should let them talk too. LAURA: I have a question. MATT: Mm-hmm. LAURA: Do I know, from my use of the paints, does it make a sound when I do it or is it quiet? MATT: It’s as quiet as paints can be. TALIESIN: That’s pretty quiet. LAURA: Pretty quiet. TALIESIN: Yeah. LAURA: I could make, you know–
MARISHA: Make a door. LAURA: Yeah, I could make a door in the back. TRAVIS: Shall we head that way and at least ask if there are– or look for any signs of a visible sewage system in this city? Do we know? Am I forgetting anything? SAM: We haven’t seen sewers here. MATT: There are sewers. Make an intelligence check. TRAVIS: If there are wells in the area– MATT: You can as well, if you want to. SAM: That’s a one. MATT: Ah. MATT: You haven’t gone to the bathroom since you got here. SAM: I’m not a good travel pooper. (laughter) TRAVIS: 19. MATT: 19. There are sewers, but they’re largely focused around the more core districts of the cities, of the Gallimaufry where you guys have been staying and the Firmaments definitely. The Coronas, where the Overcrow exists, unfortunately though, sits in a little more of a rough expansion of the city where there there is no formal sewer system beneath it. A lot of it seems to be outhouses and cesspools and, you know, tossed as fertilizer. LIAM: Also this evening, we could go– I could have Frumpkin be something much smaller, an insect, an invisible insect and to check out the entire building, hopefully. We didn’t see all of it, I don’t think. TALIESIN: We didn’t see the upstairs. MATT: You didn’t see the upstairs, no. LAURA: I could make any of us be an insect as well. LIAM: Yeah.
TRAVIS: About what time is it right now? Caleb will know what time it is. MATT: I’d say, by this time, it’s close to midnight. MARISHA: Right, we’re just late. MARISHA: Oh, so it’s the 13th day, like ding, ding? MATT: Right about now, yeah. TRAVIS: So in, like, one minute we’re in the day? MATT: You’re in the day. TRAVIS: Fuck, we got to go. TALIESIN: We got to sleep. SAM: We got to sleep or do we got to go? We just go.
TRAVIS: We just go. LAURA: Did we get a good night sleep last night? TRAVIS: I mean, it could be at first light. MARISHA: I think so, right, we slept? Did we sleep? MATT: Well, you guys slept the night before. TALIESIN: I’ve already burned my 5th-levels. MATT: You can go a night without sleep, you’re just all going to get a point of exhaustion. LAURA: That’s true, we did, didn’t we? We used our fifths? MARISHA: Well, what if we camp nearby and we have lookouts? Camp in the bubble?
SAM: Tonight? Sure. Let’s go over there and see if there’s any– we could sleep on the roof across the street. LIAM: We could take one hour to go look around right now. SAM: Yeah.
MARISHA: Let’s do it. TRAVIS: Okay, let’s do it. MATT: All right. You guys are heading over towards the Coronas, toward the Overcrow? Okay. You gather your things, prepare yourselves for, I guess, a camping night under the stars in the beautiful streets of the Coronas. TALIESIN: I tried to scry. TRAVIS: It’s still the same 24 hours. LAURA: It is, it’s the same 24 hours? TALIESIN: Same 24 hours. LAURA: Did I scry too? TALIESIN: Yeah. So your 5th is also burnt. LAURA: Oh, why did I put down that I slept? SAM: Because you slept in real life and you’re a dirty cheater. (laughter) LAURA: Oh no, no, no, my 5th-level. Okay, okay, okay. My 5th-level’s gone, never mind. MATT: You make your way to the Gallimaufry. At this hour, there’s still some bodies going through the streets, some individuals: drow, goblinoid, different figures doing business, but it all seems to be very much like a late night graveyard shift type general sense and what little bit of business seems to pass you as you make your way to the outskirts of Rosohna. Eventually, you come to the street, familiar to you now definitely as you– LAURA: Should we be stealthy as we’re going over there? TALIESIN: Not yet. LAURA: Okay. MATT: You turn into the outskirts of the city in Coronas and eventually come to the street where you can see, just as you come around the edge of the curving outer ring of this side of the district, just beyond the western side, west-northwest side of the city where the Overcrow resides. MARISHA: I put my hood up and the cloak and hiding face. MATT: Yeah. So– Actually, let me show you the layout, since you are scoping it out. TRAVIS: Bring out the maps. SAM: Oh shit. Oh, I got a job to do. As we enter this sneaky part of the show. This sneaky part of the show is powered by Dwarven Forge. This is my Dwarven Forge hat. They currently have a free PDF. How many pages? 406 pages. It’s a module tied to their Dungeons of Doom products available now on their website. I feel like I need something for the hat to dress it up like some bling of some sort. LAURA: We should put a beard– oh, you have a beard. SAM: A beard on the hat? LAURA: Yeah, like hanging down? SAM: Oh, you mean to cover my beard? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: You guys are looking around this side of the street. This is the Overcrow right here. There is the one, it’s thin on one side and tall and this is where the storage room was where you guys had entered through the window in the back. MARISHA: Okay.
TRAVIS: Oh shit. MATT: All right? There’s the one chamber. This is the alleyway that was behind and that’s the front door right there. TRAVIS: That roof is burning by the time this day is done. TALIESIN: I see there– MARISHA: Feel bad for the thatched roof. TRAVIS: Lighting ’em up, Caleb. LIAM: You got it, Travis. MARISHA: What is–
ASHLEY: What’s this here? This is just another–? MATT: This is just another buildings nearby, other chambers. SAM: Do we know if they’re residential, business? MATT: They look both, and a lot of the Coronas is a mixture of whatever is available. Residential can be jammed in the middle of anywhere. TALIESIN: Any of them look abandoned? MATT: Make an investigation check. MARISHA: Can we do a little scoutsies of these buildings? MATT: Sure. SAM: Who’s going to go scoutsies? MARISHA: I’ll scout.
TALIESIN: Preferably not me. SAM: I’ll go with you as well. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: As we’ve been walking, have we seen any drunkards, people that are tossed a little, posted up? MATT: Perception check. TRAVIS: Yeah, just casual drunk folk, nothing crazy. MARISHA: 20.
TRAVIS: 16. SAM: Are we rolling for stealth or investigation? MATT: No, we have a few things going on here. Let me work through it. You guys are just doing a general– LAURA: Investigation for empty places. Did you end up going? TALIESIN: I was letting you guys do that. SAM: Me and Beau are going to do that. All right. You rolled a 20? SAM: I don’t know what I’m rolling for, investigation or stealth?
MATT: Investigation. SAM: Okay, 16. MATT: 16. In taking some time to look around and look for signs of– this building looks like it is a small hostel of some kind. This appears to be residential. That appears to be residential. That appears to be, it was once residential, but looks like it’s been locked up or it has been not touched in a while. You’re not sure what that the usage of that one is or not. You do get– at this late hour, you don’t see any movement. The hostel has people occasionally going through. You can see some light in some of the windows. There’s life on this side. You don’t see any signs here, maybe sleeping or nobody’s home, but those of both appear to be in common use and residential-based and that’s the one that’s in the iffy space at the moment. TALIESIN: That might be our base of operations. LIAM: I think we should combine our ideas. Why don’t you turn into a bumblebee or a moth and I will turn invisible and then you can look inside all of the buildings, especially– MATT: An hour into the scoping, you do see a pair of goblins that are both zigzagging heading just from this way making their way through the district. LIAM: I’m sorry, go ahead. LAURA: No, I can do that for sure? LIAM: Can you remind me, DM, was this past day that we’re awake the day that Essek would have taught Caleb those spells or was it an earlier day? MATT: That would’ve been an earlier day. LIAM: Okay. LAURA: Like a– SAM: House rat. TRAVIS: Who’s breaking into that fucking boarded up house? LAURA: Well– SAM: I can break into that house, but recall that at least one of the people that were trying to sneaky around is invisible a lot. We should just make sure that– we should just assume that there’s an invisible person right outside the front door that’s watching, TRAVIS: Or up in the upper window or whatever. SAM: Sure. SAM: You want me to go to the building and–? TRAVIS: I mean, I would go to this side. SAM: Yeah, yeah. Want me to go? MARISHA: Sure. I’ll be lookout. I’ll stand look out for Nott. SAM: All right, let’s go. MATT: Okay, perception check from you, stealth check for you. MARISHA: (whispers) Come on, don’t be shitty. Okay, okay, okay. SAM: Stealth, 28. MARISHA: 17 for perception. MATT: Yes. You keep an eye out for a moment, a beat, where there doesn’t appear to be any sort of immediate eyes on this little central thoroughfare. You hand signal to Nott and Nott, you dart across with ridiculous speed diving into darkness and you have no idea where Nott is. Nott just vanishes into the shadows. You make your way up alongside the building, skirt along the outs, the left wall from where this is standing. Let me give a little perspective here just for for positions and such. From where you are now, it would be about there. This is north, south, east, west. SAM: I’m over here? MATT: No, I’m just, I’m saying this direction. SAM: I see, I see, I see. MATT: You are on this side of the building. You’re on the northeastern side of the wall. SAM: Got it. All right, yeah, I’m going to sneak around to any window that’s sort of the most out of sight. MATT: There is a closed window shuttered in the back. SAM: I will try to jimmy it if it has a lock or just open it. MATT: It doesn’t have an intricate lock, but it does appear there’s a board on the opposite side. You’re trying to– SAM: A board? Okay, so first I’ll check it for traps. MATT: Go ahead and roll. SAM: 17. MATT: 17, does not appear to be trapped. SAM: Okay, now I will try to open it. MATT: So add your dex and perception, or dex and proficiency. SAM: 16. MATT: 16? This is not a very difficult– it’s not an intricate series of chains in this. There is literally a wooden board that is jammed in to keep the shutters closed. You slip it up and it, you hear the wood hit on the inside because as you slip it up and falls out of its space, it does fall about three feet, opens slightly, dark inside. Make a perception check. SAM: Ten. MATT: Ten. You don’t hear any movement. TRAVIS: Get in that bitch. SAM: I’m going inside. (quickly) You-can-respond-to-this-message. TALIESIN: I’m quietly heading over there as well. MATT: Okay, so you’re going to meet up at the same area? All right. You jump inside. The first thing that catches you is a very musty smell and a rotting smell. Not pleasant. LAURA: Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. MATT: It’s dark in here. You do have darkvision, however. SAM: I do. MATT: It’s a very, very humble home. There’s a singular table. There’s one bed. There’s something on the bed. A previous tenant that seemed to maybe have passed in the night and nobody cared to check in on. SAM: Oh no. I’ll go look at the body. Anything– no foul play, just expired? MATT: Make a medicine check. As you walk walk up you can see partially under the now somewhat stained blanket. SAM: Five. MATT: Five. Who knows if it was foul play or a terrible murder, but there is a fairly decomposed corpse here of a goblin. SAM: Oh, a goblin? MATT: A goblin, yeah. MARISHA: Bloody? MATT: You’re not there. MARISHA: Oh, I thought you mentioned that, I’m sorry. MATT: But, I mean if you want to go and join in. With that medicine check you have no idea. It’s just a mess and it’s just gross and like, yeah, you have no idea. You’re not a forensic specialist, it’s just dead and decomposing.
SAM: I’m going to just go around and see if there’s any other people in there anyone hiding, anything trappy? MATT: Do a little once over. You don’t see any other people in here. It’s a small chamber, there’s not a lot of places to hide. SAM: Is there a view of the Overcrow from in here? MATT: There is a side window on the opposite end of there that you can open up and look through and there is an angle that you can see the Overcrow from that far window on that side, or the front door. Those are two viewpoints you have. SAM: I will message Caleb. Caleb, this is a good place for us to hang out. There’s a dead body in here, but otherwise we’re aces. MATT: Caduceus, you approach. TALIESIN: I’m going to try and hop in through the window. MARISHA: Caduceus, psst, hi. MATT: Are you doing this quiet? TALIESIN: Oh quiet, yeah.
MATT: Make a stealth check. TALIESIN: I’ll make a stealth check. MARISHA: Nott’s in there. She can just open the window for you. TALIESIN: I thought the window was open. MATT: It was open. MARISHA: Oh sorry, the window’s open. TALIESIN: Yeah. MARISHA: Just crawl in. What are you talking about?
TALIESIN: That’s a five. MATT: The vibrant pink of Caduceus’– TALIESIN: Yeah, yeah, yeah that’s five. LAURA: Why’d you go over there? MATT: You make your way and stroll right through, get halfway and then, “Oh,” hunch, make the rest of the path there, but it’s a stroll. MARISHA: We can all still see you, Caduceus. TALIESIN: Oh, what? LAURA: You’re literally just a big pink– TALIESIN: I have a cloak up. MATT: You make your way around the chamber. The window’s open and you– it’s a small window and you get stuck for a minute. You Winnie the Pooh your way through for a second. SAM: What are you doing?! MATT: You fall onto the floor. TALIESIN: Hi. Yeah. SAM: There’s a dead goblin over there. Can you, like, do your thing? TALIESIN: Like what thing? Oh, that thing. SAM: Make it decompose or whatever. It’s gross. MATT: There’s already a fair amount of fungus that’s installed itself on the body. TALIESIN: Let me get a low light going here that’s not going to blast out too much. I’m just going to– a little passive light in here, hide under it. It’s goblin? MATT: Make another medicine check, if you’d like. TALIESIN: Yeah. Oh this is terrible, 13. MATT: 13. Probably anywhere between the six or more months. SAM: Oh. TRAVIS: Wow. MATT: Just looks like– in bed? MATT: In bed, whatever is there is mostly just skin, a lot I just sloughed off into the bed beneath it and it’s mostly just fungus growing out of it. The hide, the eye sockets are empty and it just looks kind of like the gremlins at the end of the movie when they start just melting. LAURA: That’s the actual goblin that worked there. TALIESIN: I’m going to just– it’s on a mattress on the floor? I’m going to start the process a little further since it’s already doing so well itself and I’m just going to flip the mattress over very quietly. MATT: Okay. Yeah, actually at the rate it’s been, your Decompose cantrip accelerates it quite a bit and it becomes this briefly like beautiful menagerie of colors. The the scent gets a little more tolerable as the fungus has taken the majority– the brunt of it now, but you go ahead and hide it off to the side and it is no longer visible. The room is still not a pleasant smell and musky, but at least there isn’t that source immediately in your face. TALIESIN: Looking around, don’t see anything else in here? It’s just kind of– MATT: What are you looking for? TALIESIN: Anything from items in the house, to maybe a basement or anything like that, something in the roof? MATT: Make a perception check. TALIESIN: 12. MATT: All right, looking up, there’s not really a roof section. There are rafters and it’s an open space before the actual thatched roof begins, but there are rafters. Between the bed, the table, looks to be a couple of small boxes that are partially open that have had fruit in there, but the fruit is now extremely molded. This was a simple home with a solitary goblin that just lived through the rest of its days and no one seemed to miss it when it passed. LIAM: I’m going to pull out the wire and say to Nott: Is there room for all of us in there, and is there a decent view of the Overcrow? SAM: Yes, there is, yes there is. Come, but do it stealthily. TALIESIN: It occurs to me we could have– no, never mind. Could unlock the front door. MARISHA: I lean in the window. SAM: Oh, you’re here, too? MARISHA: Yeah, I’m still looking out. I’m scouting. I’m still being lookout, but– maybe we should have two groups, half of us stay here and then half stay on the opposite side so we can see if he comes from the back. SAM: Yes. We should have Caleb go on the other side, unfortunately, or me. MARISHA: You stay here, we go. Caleb goes on the other side with the bubble because he’s got to stay in the bubble, right? LIAM: You and I are going to do a thing though before bedtime. LAURA: Yeah, definitely. We could do it now. LIAM: Well, yeah. Let’s try to join the others where they’re hiding so that we can not be seen when we change you. LAURA: Okay, let’s be sneaky. I’m going to cast Pass Without a Trace on us as we go over to the house. LIAM: Okay. MATT: All right. We have Caleb and Jester and Fjord, are you going with them as well? TRAVIS: I’m a little confused on where everybody is. MATT: We have– half of the group is in there. MARISHA: Me, I’m looking out. Nott and Caduceus are inside. Then I don’t know where you all are. TRAVIS: Yasha– SAM: I’m with you. We’re all kind of over there MATT: Down the street, you’re just watching on the side until you decide where to go. MARISHA: I’m going to– I’m lingering back here. LIAM: We’re going to group there, talk out what we’re doing before bed and split. TRAVIS: Okay.
ASHLEY: Yeah, that’s good. LIAM: Okay, so our group needs to stealth check. MATT: Yes, you do. But you do get plus ten because Pass Without a Trace. LIAM: Hot diggity. TRAVIS:13. MATT: With the plus ten? MARISHA: Oof. MATT: All righty. LIAM: 30. MATT: Better. LAURA: 24. MATT: All right. ASHLEY: 23. MATT: Okay. As a group check, they manage to catch you as you about to trip on a heavy rock and sticking out of the center of the ground and you almost go face-first in the thoroughfare. And they just swoop you up before you impact and carry on like it was nothing. The four of you make your way over to the the abandoned complex– very small complex, abandoned building where the rest of your party is and you saunter up to the side of the window, you guys watch the rest of the party approach. LIAM: Let’s get inside. MATT: Okay. You’re all now hiding within the building. TRAVIS: Who is responsible for that smell? TALIESIN: The previous tenant is still underneath the mattress. TRAVIS: I’m sorry. SAM: Okay. We all need to sleep, but two of us need to stay on lookout. One at this side of the house and one in the alley side at all times. We need at least three and three. LIAM: Also, before we do that, I really want to get a lay of the inside of that building. Jester had an idea that I wish to layer upon. She can turn into something small, something like a moth or something quiet and I will make you invisible and I will do one other thing that will help you. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: Okay? LAURA: Okay. LIAM: Then you fly and crawl and we’ll wait. LAURA: I’ll come back and tell you what I see. LIAM: Yeah. LAURA: No problem. LIAM: Can we do that? SAM: Sure.
TRAVIS: Go for it. LIAM: All right, I’m going to do it all. I pull out the cocoon and turn Jester into a small goth moth.
LAURA: Wait, you’re doing it all? A small goth moth.
MATT: Small goth moth. TALIESIN and ASHLEY: Small goth moth. LIAM: Blue and black. LAURA: That’s cute. In my head, I think I’m really cute. MATT: An adorable tiny goth moth. TALIESIN: (intones a bass line) LAURA: I land on Yasha’s finger. TRAVIS: (slapping)
ASHLEY: I bite. LAURA: In my head I’m like, I never realized how beautiful light was before. MATT: This is with Polymorph right? LIAM: Yes. MATT: Okay. LIAM: Polymorph. And then while she’s flitting about, I will cast Invisibility on her. Now she’s invisible, I can’t see her exactly, but I pull out the valuable pole that I use for fine familiar and start weaving geometric patterns around it muttering and a small mote of light floats out of it and touches an invisible moth and you have just been touched by this spell Fortune’s Favor, which is dunamancy. SAM: Ooh, what does that do? LIAM: You now have one chance to redo, like with the dodecahedron. LAURA: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. TRAVIS: Fortune’s fancy. SAM: Fortune’s Favor. LIAM: Fortune’s Favor. But it is fancy. ASHLEY: It’s very fancy. LAURA: What is he looking up? He’s looking up something. SAM: Whether you can stack moth things? MATT: No, I’m not against stacking. LIAM: Oh, Polymorph and Invisibility are both concentration. LAURA: That’s okay. I can polymorph myself. So I polymorph myself. That’s what I was planning to do, anyway. LIAM: I’m dumb, but Caleb’s not. So he would know that. LAURA: I do Polymorph. Yeah, and then you can Invisibility me. MATT: All right. So you become a moth. You’re a moth. A-flutter. LAURA: Oh, like I’m stupid? MATT: You have an intelligence of one. TRAVIS: (laughs) Yes, that’s what I was waiting for! TALIESIN: It’s even better. It’s now an invisible moth. LIAM: Okay go, now you go. LAURA: I go. LIAM: She must have gone, I don’t see her. MATT: She goes outside. LAURA: Fly. TRAVIS: Fuck, fuck, fuck. MATT: You still know what you were doing.
LAURA: I do? You don’t forget your whole previous life. LAURA: I don’t forget that I’m Jester? MATT: You don’t forget you’re Jester. You’re just in this moment, you’re more limited.
LIAM: Help me remember when Keyleth changed into things? That’s different, right, that’s beast shape? MARISHA: Beast shape let’s you keep your– MATT: So wild shape you keep your intellectual scores. Polymorph does not. TALIESIN: We learn things every day. SAM: But you keep your memories? You just are dumb? MATT: Yeah.
TALIESIN: Yeah. SAM: Okay. SAM: So she’s super dumb right now. LAURA: I’m super dumb, but I’m like, I’m supposed to go look at things. TRAVIS: I think an intelligence of one matches the record of our entire show. I think I either hit one or zero once. LAURA: When I fly, I’m like– (laughter) MATT: I will say, for the purposes of this, just roll an intelligence check for me. MATT: It’s minus five. LAURA: Minus five? MATT: Yes. LIAM: Nine. MATT: Okay. It takes you about 20 or so minutes to eventually find your way across the thoroughfare. You’re easily distracted and there are lights and flickers, like, ooh, light. TRAVIS: Like a moth to the flame. LAURA: It’s so pretty. MATT: But you remind yourself, in your very limited capability, to get back on track and you’re distracted again and you’re all just sitting there waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. Until about half an hour in you eventually land and you’re like, “This is a nice roof.” LAURA: Do I remember to make my way over to a window? MATT: There was the shuttered window with the curtains. Make another intelligence check for me. LAURA: Okay. MARISHA: She’s going to fly into a torch. LAURA: Ah, zero. MATT: All right. You go over to where the there are these heavy curtains that are currently closed up there and you latch onto them and just start chewing for a while. It’s not bad material. It’s a little musty, but it’s tasty. TRAVIS: Om om om. MATT: Another 20 minutes. That’s 40 minutes now that you’ve been a moth. TRAVIS: I don’t feel like this is going the way we meant. MATT: Make another intelligence check. TRAVIS: It’s been going for a bit, though. I’m worried. LAURA: Eight. No, yeah, eight. MATT: Minus, this is minus five? LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
MATT: Okay. I’ll say it takes you about ten minutes or so to gather your focus. Go ahead and roll a dexterity check for me as well, which is a plus one. MARISHA: Oh. LIAM: This is taking a long time. TRAVIS: Something went wrong. LAURA: Eight. MATT: Okay. You cannot find a way in the window. It’s closed too tightly, even as a moth, unfortunately. LAURA: Do I hear anything? MATT: Make a perception check. Minus two.
SAM: Moth has sick stats. LAURA: Five. MATT: You don’t hear anything. LAURA: Oh man, this– can I chew this curtain some more? It’s so nice. MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: How long does Polymorph last? LAURA: An hour. MATT: I know, hour for Invisibility and an hour for Polymorph. Polymorph was cast first. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Suddenly, you revert to Jester form and you’re like, “What was I doing?” And you’re falling. And you hit the roof. LAURA: Can I grab going to onto the– MATT: Make an acrobatics check. MARISHA: We all see this from the window? MATT: Actually, dexterity saving throw for this. LAURA: Come on. Seven. MATT: Seven, you rolled a? LAURA: I rolled a three plus four. MATT: Oh I didn’t see, there we go. All right, you fall, you take six points of bludgeoning damage as you smash onto one of the boxes in the alley below. You have fallen prone there in the corner, thankfully invisible still. But you have like a round before your Invisibility wears off. You’re like– LAURA: Can I run and hide in the shadows around the corner? LIAM: You’ve also got that mote. LAURA: Yeah, yeah. SAM: Oh that’s true.
LAURA: There’s no way I would have remembered I had the mote when I was fucking–a moth. MATT: Right, so it’s half of your movement to get up. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Five, ten, 15, that’s as far as you can go. LAURA: Can I use my– the minute I become visible, I’m going to use my thingy to turn invisible again for ten more seconds. MATT: Okay, you can do that. All right. That’s your movement. With your action, you can go ahead and– which way are you going to now? LAURA: I’m going to try to duck into under that porch or whatever that is. MATT: Okay, it’s a very tight space. You turn over this way. The next turn, as soon as you finish that round, or if you dash over, you get over to the space and you get out of the corner, that’s as far as you can move is that corner there. Turns over, you become visible and you’re all of a sudden, you’re a little bruised, a little beaten. Make a perception check. LAURA: Oh god. LAURA: 17. MATT: 17. Currently nobody sees you, but you can see from the noise a shadow coming from inside the hostel. Somebody is coming towards the front door towards where the noise drew them. LAURA: Invisible. I turn invisible. MATT: You turn invisible and you’re now on the inside of this corner there. There’s a less than a foot gap between the two buildings that leads into the alleyway there. You’re not sure if you can try and squeeze by. TRAVIS: If we saw her fall, did she damage any of the things outside? MATT: Oh yeah.
MARISHA: Did we hear ka-klunk? MATT: You heard the impact and the breaking of wood. TRAVIS: All right. I want to Misty Step outside and I want to use Mask of Many Faces to change myself into a drunken peasant and I’ll use Minor Illusion to have a tankard in my hand. I want to be right where all the debris was. MATT: Great, all right. You run past this way, then Misty Step over there. Transform into– and describe how you look. TRAVIS: Yeah, so a drow, but more like a farmer. Like real tatty stuff, big, muscular forearms from working so much. Just real slovenly stains of food and drink all over me and just laying up against the debris humming a little tune. MATT: You got it, you got it. Okay then. We have, over here, an invisible Jester who’s off in the corner. As you are in that process of getting yourself in position, taking the form, you watch as this rough looking half-drunk, large underbite growling gnoll comes outside at the front of the hostel and is like– (unhappy panting) TRAVIS: (drunken giggling) MATT: “What you doing?!” TRAVIS: I fell– (drunken giggling) MATT: (snorting) TRAVIS: I fell down! MATT: Make a deception check with advantage. SAM: Ooh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. TRAVIS: 20. MATT: He goes, “Okay, fuck off.” TRAVIS: (drunken giggling) MATT: He comes up and grabs the back of your shirt and lifts you. It doesn’t quite match. SAM: Uh-oh.
TRAVIS: He’s kind of drunk. MATT: But he rolled a natural two. So he doesn’t notice. He grabs it lifts you up a bit and walks a few steps and just throws you about ten feet. You roll across and laid out there. TRAVIS: You’re strong. (drunken giggling) (drunken caterwauling) MATT: “They think they’re so superior; look at this piss.” TRAVIS: (drunken caterwauling continues) MATT: Turns around and lumbers back to the hostel and heads back inside. TRAVIS: (more drunken caterwauling) MATT: Your Invisibility is wearing off now. LAURA: Yeah.
MATT: You’re still in that corner. What are you going to do? LAURA: Cast Disguise Self to look like a goblin. MATT: Okay. As soon as that gnoll turns the corner and the Invisibility drops, you turn into a goblin. He enters and you can see him disappearing into the very faint source of light. Inside, you see a shadow cross paths on the wall on the opposite end of the entryway. Now you’re a goblin. TRAVIS: I will start serpentine walking away from the house just (drunken caterwauling) TRAVIS: As Fjord walks back in, I’m just– (applause) TRAVIS: Actually, I’ll do a wide loop back to you guys. Yeah, not walking back to the house directly. MATT: You make your way eventually slowly over that way and Jester, you’re heading over there as well? LAURA: Yeah, but roundabout. MATT: Okay. I’ll say you have a luxury of a few moments here to scatter it a bit and not draw any attention, but eventually you all reconvene back at the house. MARISHA: That was fucking funny. SAM: What did you find out about the inside? LAURA: Oh my god, you guys. LIAM: What did you see, anything? LAURA: I saw so many like– TRAVIS: What took so long? You were gone for like an hour. ASHLEY: Were you in there for so long? LAURA: You guys, did you know when you turn into something, you turn really stupid? TRAVIS: Into anything? LAURA: I don’t know. I was really stupid. TRAVIS: What did you do for that whole time? Did you go inside? LAURA: I don’t know. I flew around, and I– and there was like a puddle and I landed next to it and I think I might have drank from it. MATT: There’s a bit of it a stale aftertaste in your mouth. TALIESIN: I smell Velveteen on your breath. LAURA: Oh man. Then I tried to get in, but like there was a heavy curtain and some shutters and I didn’t know what to do. So I just ate some curtain and then– TALIESIN: Yeah. LIAM: A valuable lesson for Caleb. SAM: All right. TALIESIN: I think we all learned something tonight. LAURA: But Fjord, thank you so much. I was freaking out just a little bit. TRAVIS: Yeah, no, it’s fine. Look out for each other. All right, so who’s staying on this side? SAM: Wait, are we going to try to infiltrate? LIAM: We just burned an hour and we know nothing about the inside of that building. SAM: Shall we sleep and scout? Sleep and look out? TRAVIS: The three on the other side should sleep on the other side as well. SAM: For sure.
ASHLEY: I can go to the other side. TRAVIS: I’ll go there as well. ASHLEY: I don’t want to sleep in here with the smell. TALIESIN: I don’t mind the smell. LIAM: I don’t mind. LAURA: I’ll sleep on the other side. You should have a cleric with you. TALIESIN: Yeah, that makes sense. MARISHA: Yeah, so that we can communicate. You have to go in there anyway if you’re going to make the dome, right? LIAM: Yeah. LAURA: Well, that’s everybody’s there except for Beau and Nott. TRAVIS: Never mind, I’ll stay over here, I don’t care. MATT: Okay, so who’s staying where? SAM: We don’t know where we’re sleeping on the other side. LAURA: No. MARISHA: No, we’ve got to figure that out. SAM: But we can’t make a dome in the middle of the street. LAURA: You can’t make a dome.
MARISHA: Camouflage it. LAURA: No, it’s a dome. LIAM: You can affect its color, that’s it. TALIESIN: Or we can sleep up on a roof? MARISHA: Or just sleep on the roof. LAURA: Yeah, but the roofs are very peaked, you guys. How are we going to sleep on them?
TRAVIS: All right, let’s sleep in this house. LIAM: Yeah, if we do it here the dome could be hidden in this house, too. MATT: Okay, so everyone is sleeping in this house? TALIESIN: Yeah, in the dome. MATT: All righty. LAURA: Maybe you can make Frumpkin invisible and go in. LIAM: Frumpkin could not get past a door. MATT: But you guys have shared– MARISHA: Could Frumpkin be are alley for us? Can he be team alley? LIAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: But Frumpkin can only notify him if– SAM: Oh, how about this? How about this? If we’re going to go to sleep, why don’t you do your silly string around her back window? If anyone goes in the back window, we’ll know about it. LIAM: Was the window on the first floor or above? SAM: First floor.
LIAM: Okay. TRAVIS: That also means going right up to the building. LIAM: Yeah. SAM: Don’t worry, you can be invisible.
TALIESIN: Who’s going to enter through the back window? LIAM: That’s true. SAM: Well, that’s the only any thing we have to worry about. Otherwise we can see whoever goes in and out. TALIESIN: I don’t think they’re going to. SAM: All right. You want to just chance it, we’ll just go to sleep. TRAVIS: It’s just a window back there? There’s no door? SAM: Just a window, right? MATT: Yep. SAM: We can just chance it. That’s fine with me. LAURA: I bet he’s just going to teleport in, you guys. SAM: Let’s sleep. MARISHA: He might teleport in. SAM: No problem.
LIAM: No, I like your idea. Let’s just be safe. I’ll go invisible and I will put a wire over there. SAM: You can do it while you’re invisible? It doesn’t break the Invisibility or anything? MATT: Casting a spell does break Invisibility. LIAM: Oh any spell, not attack spell? MATT: Casting any spell breaks it. LIAM: Okay. LAURA: I can go with you and cast Pass Without a Trace on us and then, you know– SAM: It’s not worth it. LAURA: — and then give you, and I can bless you with the tricks– I can give you the Blessing of the Trickster and you could be even better. LIAM: I will send Frumpkin over and just have him come alert us if anything changes. MATT: All right, Frumpkin– SAM: That’s our lookout. LIAM: Yeah, he’ll sit on a crook of a roof or something. MATT: There’s Frumpkin. TALIESIN: Who’s taking first shift? MARISHA: I’ll take first shift. LIAM: I will, too, since Frumpkin’s out. TALIESIN: All right. LAURA: I’m going to sleep. SAM: I need to sleep. MARISHA: Take one window, I’ll take the other. MATT: So Caleb and Beau are the two keeping watch? Everyone else is sleeping? LAURA: Yep.
TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: All right. Taking in shifts of two, three hours, what are you doing? TRAVIS: Two and a half. MARISHA: Yeah, we need eight. We need, like, an eight hour rest right? MATT: Eight hour rest and that’ll be ten hours total in order for everybody to get a full rest. LAURA: Oh man.
SAM: Yeah, that’s fine. MARISHA: Could be a long day. TRAVIS: No, no, no two and a half hours, three shifts. We don’t get a full rest. SAM: We need a full rest, that’s the whole point. TRAVIS: You got to hit the full ten hours, everybody needs ten? MATT: No, eight hours, but you need to do ten hours for everybody to do a shift and get eight hours of sleep. TALIESIN: We’ll keep sleeping till something happens, anyway.
MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: Also, I would have taken time to put the wire in front of the door and I’ve told Frumpkin to wake me up should anyone come into the back. LAURA: Normally, we just do three shifts, right? We do three watches for eight hour shifts. SAM: I don’t need to rest. I can just be exhausted. MATT: For everyone to get eight hours of sleep is three shifts that I consider to be distributed over a ten hour period. LAURA: Okay. ASHLEY: Yeah, we can sleep until something happens, you know? SAM: I could just be exhausted and then everyone else can take out– MARISHA: Well, we’ll see if we need it. TALIESIN: Because then it’d just be two hours of nothing happening and then you’ve got exhaustion– MARISHA: We need that last two hours, then– SAM: Yeah. MARISHA: All right. TRAVIS: We got to get somebody in that building, just saying That’s all right. MARISHA: Yeah, what if he teleports, like what if there’s a teleportation circle upstairs and we don’t see shit? MATT: By the time this rest has begun, it’s about three in the morning, just so you’re aware. Both of you, I would like to make perception checks, please for your watch. LAURA: So stupid, we’re going to miss him completely. LIAM: I’m going to cast dunamancy on myself before just in case. I’m going to use it now. MATT: Okay. LIAM: Barely different. Perception, you said?
MATT: Yes. LIAM and MATT: 13. MARISHA and MATT: Eight. MATT: Okay, you guys keep watch. A few figures wander through the street, but through the watch that you guys take, no one seems to pay any mind or go bother the Overcrow Apothecary. You complete your watch. Who’s taking up next? LIAM: Just with briefest thing, an hour and a half into silence, looking out windows, breaking the silence: Beauregard? MARISHA: What? LIAM: I’m glad you’re here. MARISHA: Yeah, I’m glad you’re here, too. MATT: Okay. Next watch is Yasha and– TRAVIS: I’ll do it. MATT: Fjord. All right, both of you guys, perception checks for me, please. LIAM: Goddamn.
TALIESIN: Jesus. TRAVIS: Eight. MARISHA: Shit, fuck. LIAM: You’re going to break your Wyrmwood! ASHLEY: 18. MATT: 18, okay. SAM: Nice, Yasher. MATT: Between the hours at five and seven in the morning, the sunrise would have happened if there was a sunrise in Rosohna. TALIESIN: That’s right. MATT: Through your watch, you you see elements of the street begin to come more lively. Some of the early risers begin to awaken. You can hear some of the chickens and other nearby kept livestock beginning to awaken and make their various noises beginning the day, as well as hearing wagons go down the street. It’s starting to become, you know, a lively neighborhood, but you don’t see anyone mess with it until the very end. You see a familiar goblin, one who runs the establishment, approach the outside front door, pull out a ring of keys, unlock it, enter and close the door behind her. LAURA: When are we going to sneak in? Fucking shit! TRAVIS: That’s fine. LAURA: The bugbear could’ve been in there. LIAM: ♪ But her ring of keys. ♪ (laughter) MATT: You guys finish your watch? You finish your watch? TRAVIS: We’re finished. MATT: All right, who’s up next?
ASHLEY: Hey Fjord, I’m glad you’re here. (laughter) And I go to bed. (laughter) TRAVIS: I’ve never seen anyone fall asleep that fast. MATT: She goes to REM state like that. Barbarians, man. TRAVIS: We relay that that very familiar goblin walked in with that ring of keys. SAM: I’m taking the last watch. MATT: There’s two more watches. SAM: I’ll take the next watch. MATT: Okay, perception check. SAM: Solo, I guess. Is anyone– TALIESIN: I’m saving–
LAURA: No, I guess I’ll– SAM: No, it’s fine, whatever. MARISHA: Let the spellcasters have uninterrupted sleep. LAURA: Huh? LIAM: Perception. LAURA: I know, I just need sleep to get my spells back and then I can take over. LIAM: If you stay up, I’ll go to bed. SAM: Okay, it’s just me then, let’s hope this roll’s good. Terrible, seven.
MATT: Seven, okay. It’s a seven you rolled or seven total? SAM: Both. I have zero. MATT: Oh, all right. SAM: During my watch, can I also Disguise Self and just take a stroll back and forth on the block? MATT: Sure, yeah.
SAM: Okay. MATT: You see some families getting up and gathering supplies to go to small shopping trips further into the city, you see soldiers coming through and patrolling the vicinity. You get a little nervous and keep by, but none of them seems to be interested in anything in the area. They’re just looking out for any sort of funny business. Nothing else seems to really catch your attention. MARISHA: Oh fuck! What was that? SAM: That’s it. LAURA: Have I slept for eight hours yet? MATT: I’d say you’ve now slept for eight hours, people that went first. LAURA: Can I wake up then? MATT: You can wake up, but the people that took first watch, which is Beau and Caleb, you still need to take one more watch for them to get their full rest. TALIESIN: All right, we’re up. MARISHA: That’s good, spellcasters are good. LAURA: As soon as I wake up, I’m going to cast Locate Object. MATT: Okay. LAURA: On that on that little book that I saw him writing in. MATT: Okay. You cast Locate Object and focus on the tome that you saw on the first, or the journal in the second? LAURA: The journal in the second.
MATT: Okay, got you. You cast it, you focus, you concentrate, you extend your will and consciousness towards this divine cloud asking the Traveler to guide your intent and it finds purchase on nothing. TALIESIN: It’s not within 1000 feet. LAURA: Well. TALIESIN: That’s a good sign. LAURA: Maybe. MATT: You both could get to make perception checks. TALIESIN: I will make a perception check. SAM: Make it strong. TALIESIN: My perception is, I rolled terribly. LAURA: I rolled a 15. TALIESIN: 11. MATT: 11, okay, 15. At the end of your watch, towards the final 20 minutes or so, you see two figures walking down the street that approach the exterior of the Apothecary. One of them is a tall male hobgoblin in a breastplate. It’s obscured by a leather cowl with a large sword sheathed on his back. The other appears to be elven in stature, long tattered black cloak that’s pulled around a set of gray leather armor. Their head is obscured by a hood in a face wrap of blue cloth and both of them approach the front and push in the door. The door opens. LAURA: Do I see any blonde? Do I seen any? MATT: Make a perception check. Oh, no, you already made your roll. You don’t see any particular details of blonde hair necessarily, but you see a bit of the skin: appears to be drow. TALIESIN: Detect Magic. MATT: Okay. 30-foot range. You detect no magic. TALIESIN: Oh shit, I am too far away, aren’t I? Would I have known that? MATT: You would’ve known that. TALIESIN: Okay. LAURA: I hit everybody. (shushes) Somebody just went in, somebody just went in. TRAVIS: Somebody?
LAURA: Two people. TRAVIS: What’d they look like? LAURA: One was a hobgoblin, one was a drow. They were in cloaks. They had their cloaks pulled up, but they could be anything, they could be anything. SAM: Did we get our rest or no? MATT: No, they have another like 20 minutes or so before they finish their rest. You have yours. SAM: Okay. TRAVIS: What’s an animal that’s not stupid? A mouse. MATT: Everyone but Beau and Caleb can be awake now with a full rest. SAM: Let’s go in there. I can just be a customer. I’ll Disguise Self and I’ll just go in and be a customer looking for dick oil or something. LAURA: Okay, go look for dick oil. TRAVIS: You don’t want to have a rat follow you in after you get told to leave? LAURA: I don’t know if a rat is smart. Where do you find the rat stats? MATT: I have the rat stats here. TALIESIN and LIAM: Rat stats! MATT: Ratus status. LIAM: It’s in D&D Beyond under “Creatures.” LAURA: I’m looking under– MATT: Brra! Brra! Brra! Hercules Mulligan! SAM: Crows are not very intelligent. MATT: A rat has an intellect of two. So it’s twice as good. TRAVIS: What about a sparrow or a bird? SAM: That’s fine because you’re just going to be, why don’t you just be on my shoulder the whole time? I’m a weirdo who has a pet bird. MATT: It’s the intelligence level between a moth to a rat. It’s a pretty big jump, comparatively. LAURA: Okay, I’ll be a rat.
MATT: I say this as a person that has been fighting moths in our house for months and I fucking hate them. MARISHA: Pieces of shit.
MATT: I know. TRAVIS: You have to lower yourself to their level, Matthew. SAM: Are you going to scurry in or be in my pocket or what? LAURA: I’ll be on be on your shoulder. SAM: As a rat?
LAURA: Goblins eat rats, don’t they? SAM: No, I don’t have to be a goblin. I could be anything. I’ll be a little, I’ll be a halfling. LAURA: No, don’t be having a halfling, that’s obvious. SAM: Oh, I’ll be a short drow. LAURA: No, be a goblin. SAM: Okay, I’ll just be a different goblin. TALIESIN: This is going to– MATT: And what are you doing, Jester? LAURA: I’m going to Polymorph myself into a rat, I guess and I’m just going to sit inside her hood, right there. MATT: There you go. And you were looking like a different goblin? SAM: A different goblin. I’ll look like the goblin that was guarding that weird wizard tower way back in Nicodranas. MATT: Okay, so balding, slicked back, really well-dressed. Same attire? SAM: Sure.
MATT: All right, you are a debonair goblin.
LAURA: That seems obvious. MATT: What were you saying? TRAVIS: I was going to say: who’s awake and not still sleeping? LAURA: Everybody but them. TRAVIS: Who wants to go around back? ASHLEY: I can go around back. LIAM: Frumpkin is there. TALIESIN: I’ll keep an eye out over here. TRAVIS: I will disguise myself as a very wealthy looking drow this time, slightly nicer robes walking with what could possibly be security or– LAURA: I don’t know enough about this spell. Polymorph, I don’t know if I want to Polymorph, y’all. TALIESIN: It’s a lot, isn’t it? ASHLEY: Walking with him, but I’ll try to look like I’m your security. TRAVIS: Dope. MATT: Jester, are you okay? You look perturbed. LAURA: I just don’t know if I should be a rat. You guys, I don’t think I should Polymorph myself. TRAVIS: Why? LAURA: Just because I don’t know enough about it to know, can you–
SAM: Can you disguise yourself? LAURA: Yeah.
SAM: Why don’t you do that and I’ll go in invisible? LAURA: Yeah, I’m going to disguise myself instead. MATT: Okay.
TALIESIN: Invisible in a room full of magic users.
TRAVIS: Mm-hmm. SAM: All right, then I will drop Disguise Self and I’ll just be invisible. TALIESIN: I mean they’re also, to be fair, there’s a bunch of magic people in there. They’re going to see through anything we do anyway. TRAVIS: Possibly.
TALIESIN: Probably. TRAVIS: Just make a fucking racket if you get found out. MATT: What are you– are you both going invisible or you’re disguising yourself?
LAURA: I’m disguising myself MATT: What are you disguising yourself as? LAURA: Somebody my height. I’m going to be a drow. MATT: All righty. LAURA: Damn these horns, just (humming) because I can’t put my hood up, it’s obvious. I’m going to go in and I’m going to be, like, nice, but not too nice. I’m going to be in dark colors, but no fine details or anything like that, no bright colors, yeah. MATT: Okay, and you’re going invisible?
SAM: Yep. LAURA: Dark hair. MATT: So you two are traveling towards the front. What are you guys doing? TRAVIS: Yasha and I are going to walk down the back, viewing properties. MATT: Just make general stealth checks, both of you, just to try and be–
TRAVIS: Be cool? MATT: Yeah, to not draw any unwanted attention and keep it casual. It’s not a terribly high DC. TRAVIS: Oh, plus zero, 15. ASHLEY: Seven.
MATT: Seven, okay. All right. All right, you guys meander around at a fairly safe distance, walk between two buildings, make your way to the back alley that rests behind most of the buildings here that are set up on the front of the street level. TRAVIS: We’ll be pointing at the structures on the opposite side of this alley, pointing and gesturing and talking about the worth of what such a building might cost, maybe checking the ground, the soil, just sort of looking like we might be interested in purchasing. ASHLEY: Purchasing real estate. MATT: Gotcha, okay. So Jester, Nott, you guys are invisible, disguised, making your way towards the front of the complex. SAM: Mm-hmm.
LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Okay, you approach the front of the Overcrow. The front door is closed, but you reach up and take the front handle and it is not locked. (creaking) It opens on the inside. Familiar smell and sight greets you as you glance inside. You can see across the way, Maruo is at the front sitting in the chair and looking over and puts a hand up. “Hey.” Looking in the inside of the chamber, you can see only one figure. You see the hobgoblin that had approached with the other figure. It’s just sitting, arms crossed, leaning against the outside of the spiral staircase that leads up. SAM: To the upstairs? MATT: Yes. SAM: The other fellow who was an elf is not there? Cool, cool, cool. LAURA: Okay, I walk in. (British accent) Are you the goblin that runs this establishment? MATT: “That’s me.” LAURA: I have a bone to pick with you. MATT: “What’s the problem? “Is there a problem?” LAURA: You sold some sort of solution to my handmaiden. MATT: “Did I?” LAURA: She said it was for her hair. It’s falling out now. MATT: “Can you come back tomorrow? “I’m kind of closed.” LAURA: The door was open. MATT: “That’s my fault.” SAM: I’m going to be in the room as well if possible. MATT: Okay, make a stealth check with advantage. SAM: Okay, 23. MATT: Okay. LAURA: I do believe we should sort this out now. MATT: “What do you need?” LAURA: I would like her finances returned. MATT: “Well, you see it’s–” LAURA: And a solution to this problem. MATT: Make a deception check. You do have advantage on this because you’re in a different form. LAURA, SAM, and TALIESIN: Ooh! TALIESIN: Where is it? LAURA: Ooh, 22. MATT: “(laughs) Was that the one with the blue skin? “All right, how much how much did she pay? “Oh, I’ll go check my ledger here.” Counts up with some coins. “Here, a refund on it, my apologies.” LAURA: I look over at the hobgoblin. MATT: Just looking out of the corner of their eye at you. LAURA: I hope you aren’t planning on buying anything here. MATT: “Just perusing.” LAURA: Be warned. Oh no.
TRAVIS: Get the fuck out. LAURA: Hmm! And I walk back out. MATT: “Close the door behind you, if you don’t mind.” LAURA: (grunts) I’m closing it. MATT: Okay. (shutting) LAURA: Hey, I got my five gold back, sweet. MATT: You’re still inside. SAM: I’m still inside. MATT: Yes, you are. TRAVIS: Did your hair stink while you’re in there the whole time? LAURA: Maybe. MATT: While you’re in there for awhile, silent. They’re not even talking and then at one point, Maruo’s like, “So… “nice day, right?” No response. SAM: If he’s, okay. MATT: “Hope you didn’t journey too far.” SAM: I’m going to knock something off of a counter. MATT: Okay, what are you knocking over? TRAVIS: Why? SAM: Just a book or something. I don’t know what she has around. MATT: They both look. Immediately, the mood in the room changes and the hobgoblin grabs the sword and just gets to the ready and walks over. SAM: Okay. While he’s walking over there, I’m going to try to very stealthily go up the stairs. MATT: Okay. Make another stealth check with advantage. LIAM: Come on! Vax be with you. SAM: 25. MATT: Okay. Carefully making your way up the spiral staircase, you get to the very top and there is the door that leads into the next chamber. SAM: Okay, I’m just going to hang there for a second, listen for voices downstairs and listen for voices inside. MATT: You hear Maruo say, “I don’t know “maybe he just stumbled onto things.” “Things just don’t stumble. “Be quiet.” You just hear (heavy footsteps). SAM: Up the stairs? MATT: Like roaming the room and looking under tables and you hear shuffling and things being moved and scraped across the wood floor. LAURA: Are there any windows on the upstairs that we can see from outside? MATT: There was a single window at the front that is closed. It is what you were chewing on the night before. LAURA: Is there any way to get up to the second floor on the outside? If I look around, can I climb a wall? MATT: Make a perception check. LAURA: Well– MATT: Super cocked! LAURA: Oh, come on! MATT: There’s nowhere you see safely to get up there without being just an overt person climbing in broad night light. TALIESIN: Just stay in the room with me. LIAM: There is a cat looking down at you. SAM: Are they still asleep or? MATT: You guys are awake now at this point, you come to consciousness. You’re catching this partway into motion. MARISHA: What? TRAVIS: Well, plus nobody’s in the fucking, well some are in the house with you– TALIESIN: People took initiative, I don’t know. MARISHA: What?! SAM: He’s looking around downstairs. MATT: Yeah, and then turns the corner and then after looking around for a second, Maruo’s like, “Look, the place is a little rickety. “It’s not the best furniture.” ASHLEY: Goblin Miss Piggy. MATT: Then the hobgoblin just goes to the staircase and begins walking up the stairs. SAM: Oh fuck.
MATT: It’s just coming closer and closer. SAM: Is there any, on the landing where I am, how much space is there? MATT: It is a tight hallway that’s just wide enough for the doorway before it opens into the next room. SAM: Wow, that does not leave very– MATT: You’re about up to the belt on this hobgoblin. It’s a little bit lower. SAM: And there’s no nooks? MATT: No, it’s literally stairs and the door. You are right–
SAM: Okay. TRAVIS: Handrail? SAM: I’m going to try–
LIAM: Van Damme it. SAM: I’m going to try to go up on the ceiling. LAURA: Oh my god. TRAVIS: Oh no. Okay. LIAM: You’re about to Van Damme it! LAURA: Come on, come on. Brace yourself on the walls, climb up. MATT: It’s totally doable if you weren’t a tiny goblin. LAURA: Ninja Warrior, Ninja Warrior. MATT: Okay. LIAM: She’s three feet tall without our arms out. MATT: Okay, make an athletics check for me, please. LAURA: You can do it, you can do it, you can do it. SAM: Athletics, not acro? LAURA: Not acrobatics, not acrobatics?
SAM: 17. MATT: This isn’t acrobatics, unless you want to parkour and then defy gravity. This is trying to climb up something with very little grip and hold yourself up there. 17, though, is pretty good. It’s not going to last long, but you managed to scramble up and push against it and you can feel your arms shaking from the sweat starting to pour down your forehead. You’re trying desperately not to breathe out, you’re just holding your breath and it’s burning your lungs. The hobgoblin moves up and grabs the door and it opens up. The top of the head is about to touch you and you squeeze in and arch your back and just barely manages to miss your torso. As he enters the room, the voice inside goes, “What is the problem?” “There was a noise downstairs, “I’m just looking around.” Walks inside the room for a second, walks back out, closes the door, and then walks back down the stairs. You very carefully. TRAVIS: You’re all cramped up. SAM: Okay, okay, okay. MATT: Now you’re at the top of the stairs. The hobgoblin is now at the bottom of the stairs blocking, is standing right in front of the steps. SAM: If I were to cast Message that would kill my Invisibility, right? Yeah, so I’m not going to do that. I’ll wait a few more minutes and see if my friends do anything and if not, I’ll probably do some more stupid things. LAURA: I’m going to make my way over to let everyone know: You guys, you guys, I go back in the house, Nott’s inside. TALIESIN: Why would he do that? Why would she– LAURA: She was invisible, she went in by herself. She’s still in there and the door’s shut and it’s closed. LIAM: I’ve been doing some arcane prep work. I cast Mage Armor on myself and then I put a hand on Beauregard and Caduceus’ shoulder and cast the other dunamantic spell, Gift of Alacrity. I mutter a few words and your vision like quintuples for a moment and just shoots past your eyes and now you are going to be able to add 1d8, I believe it is, to your initiative rolls with whatever happens.
MARISHA: Both of us? LIAM: Both of you two. MATT and LIAM: For the next eight hours. MARISHA: To all rolls? MATT: To all of your initiative rolls. MARISHA: All initiative rolls? LAURA: Balls.
MARISHA: Sick. TALIESIN: All initiative rolls now have 1d8. MATT: You, technically with those boots, it’s a 2d8 bonus. LIAM: I have these manacles. Maybe we can use them on one of them, whoever’s in there. MARISHA: Oh yeah, hang on, wait, let me see these. LIAM: Okay. MARISHA: Can I be a dope-ass monk and use these chains as improvised monk beating weapons? TRAVIS: Nunchucks? LIAM: The manacles of stasis. MATT: They wouldn’t count as monk weapons, but you could certainly use them in creative ways if you’d like to try. LAURA: I have an idea. What if we go back in and I try to charm them and then they let us put the manacles on them? MARISHA: That also works. LIAM: For one of them, yeah. LAURA: I could charm a couple of them, potentially. LIAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but the man– yeah. LAURA: Then we can just tie up the other one. LIAM: Super cool, good. MATT: While this is happening, you hear heavy hoof-falls. TALIESIN: Up the stairs now? MATT: From down this roadway. TRAVIS: You guys are in the house. MATT: You guys are on the back side watching. Are you guys doing anything particular? You have no indication anything’s happening. LAURA: Can you send a message? Caleb, send a message to Fjord and Yasha and let them know what’s going on. No, Fjord and Yasha are on the other side, they’re in the alleyway still. MATT: Fjord and Yasha, you guys are back here, right? That’s where you are. You guys are just hanging in this alleyway. LAURA: Caleb is sending them a message. LIAM: Well, Jester elbows the shit out of Caleb, I pull out the wire and say: We’re on the move, things are happening. Nott is inside, apparently. Get ready. You may reply to this message. MATT: A horse you see riding down the road, comes to rest alongside the outside of the Overcrow. LAURA: Oh no. MATT: This very heavily furred waste horse, muscular, big, thick fur, mane down the back of its neck, big, bushy tail, looks exhausted, trots up to the exterior. The rider is a female copper-scaled dragonborn covered in a thick shawl of dull green wool. Dismounts the horse and hitches it to one of the street side posts over there real fast before walking up to the building and opens the door and enters. Nott, you see this from the top of the stairs. You see another figure enter and the door close. The dragonborn walks up and gives a nod to the hobgoblin figure. The hobgoblin looks up and down, looks over at Maruo. Maruo goes, “Can I help you?” The dragonborn with barely a glance just goes, “Waiting above?” TRAVIS: Waiting above. MATT: Then tosses a pouch of coin to the goblin who, “Right this way.” SAM: Fuck. MATT: The hobgoblin steps aside and the dragonborn begins to walk up the stairs to you, a little bit quicker, seems to have a bit of a haste to the step. SAM: They won’t be looking for me. I’m just going to press myself against a wall. MATT: Okay. LAURA: Oh god. MATT: Go ahead and roll a– SAM: The opposite wall that, like away from the stairs. MATT: You’re pretty small. I’d say go ahead and make an acrobatics check. SAM: Acrobatics check, okay, hold on. 18. MATT: Yeah, you manage to quickly dart out of the way and make yourself flat as possible, against the side. Goes to the door, opens it up and steps inside and you hear the voice go– SAM: Did they leave the door open for half a second? MATT: For like a split second. You hear a voice say, “Finally.” What are you doing? SAM: Are they standing in the door or have they gone in? Like if I darted it in the door, would I maybe make it? MATT: Maybe. SAM: (deep, nervous laughter) (laughter) ASHLEY: Do it, do it.
SAM: Yeah, sure. TRAVIS: Can you not hear through the door, the conversation? Do you need to risk it? Because you can put your ear up against that bitch! SAM: It’s true, it’s true.
MATT: What are you doing? What are you doing? Now’s the time, you’re going to miss it. SAM: Fine, I’m going to dart in. MATT: All right. MARISHA: Come on, rogue shit! MATT: Roll another acrobatics check. TRAVIS: Oh god, oh god, oh god!
LAURA: Acrobatics. SAM: Ew.
LAURA: Okay… SAM: 13. MATT: 13, okay. You try and make your way towards it and at the last second the door’s just closing too quickly. You’re going to get lodged if you continue forward. You stop yourself in the door, closes. You don’t make it into the chamber. TRAVIS: Best outcome possible, best outcome possible. LAURA: That is so much better than it could’ve been. MATT: Yeah, yeah it is. The door closes. LIAM: It could have been if he had rolled a three, the door just would’ve went boop. SAM: You know, where I am right now? I’m on Nott’s Landing. (groaning) TRAVIS: Out. Get out. SAM: It’s the worst place in the world! LAURA: We need to get in there now. It’s just getting worse. TRAVIS: She can listen through the door. MARISHA: Hey, hey, do you have another one of those Locate Object spells? You want to try and see if that’s our guy? LAURA: Of course it’s our guy. MARISHA: I think it’s our guy, too. LAURA: How could it not be our guy? TRAVIS: Because it’s a copper-scaled– MARISHA: Did it sound like the same accent? We don’t know, right, we don’t know. LAURA: I didn’t hear the the guy upstairs talking. MARISHA: What does she have to do with it, that dragonborn? LAURA: Who knows? I can go in. I could try to talk to them again and then at the last minute Hold Person and I can hold them downstairs and we can all rush in and just go in and attack and then surprise attack, yeah? TRAVIS: No, no, no.
LAURA: Let’s do it. TRAVIS: No, we have an asset in the field. LAURA: We got to do something. TRAVIS: Yeah, Nott’s there. Let her work. LAURA: We have to capture them, not let them talk and get away. What if they can teleport out? TALIESIN: Honestly, I think perhaps they should talk a bit. The more that they have a shared story– ASHLEY: Did you see anything in the room? MATT: So you’re listening? Roll a perception check for me.
SAM: Come on. My zero perception. Ten. MATT: Ten, okay. It’s pretty muffled. The only things you hear, it sounds like the scraping of metal across wood, like a lot of small pieces of metal. This is a sound you’re very familiar with. It’s the sound of a lot of coin in its satchel being thrown onto a table. You hear the muffled voices. The only worlds you hear are: “Satisfied?” “Very. “(mumbles) Bazzoxan.” “No words, no Bazzoxan. “The less I know, the longer I live.” and then the wood scrape against wood, footfalls towards the door. SAM: I’m going to get off and press myself against the wall again. MATT: (grunting) SAM: This time, acrobatics? MATT: Yeah.
SAM: 22. MATT: Yeah, without issue, you’re just like, barely getting yourself in the space. The dragonborn is leaving the room. Moves past you, closes the door and heads down, hobgoblin moves out of the way. Dragonborn leaves. You guys watch the dragonborn leave the building. LAURA: I’m going to cast Locate Object again and try to locate that little thing. MATT: On the same book?
LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Nothing. LIAM: I’m going to shunt into Frumpkin and look around. Can I see Fjord and Yasha from Frumpkin’s position? MATT: Yes, very easily. LIAM: Is there a window up top? MATT: Up top of? LIAM: On the second floor of– MATT: Back here? No. In fact, all the only window is in the very front. LIAM: On the very front, okay. MATT: The dragonborn exits the building, get back up onto the horse, give a little bit of food and then get up onto the saddle after unhitching it and begin to ride away. SAM: As the dragonborn exits the house, I’m going to break Invisibility, cast Message and say: Stop that dragonborn- to Caleb. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: That’s– LIAM: So I heard that. TRAVIS: Early in the day. MATT: So. LIAM: Where’s the dragonborn right now on the map? Because I heard that obviously. MARISHA: That’s not who we want, though, right? Yeah. TALIESIN: It won’t matter, we’re in.
ASHLEY: We’re in it. MATT: The dragonborn. We’ll say the horse is back here and the dragonborn has left and is currently in the process of now getting up onto the horse.
TRAVIS: He’s probably dropping off money for the person that’s going to come. MATT: You have lost your Invisibility and you’re whispering into this. As it happens you hear (creaking) and the door opens behind you and there you see the the drow that was in the chamber, hood back, looking down at you– SAM: Drow? MATT: Yes.
SAM: Okay. MATT: The first one that entered. “Interesting.” And that’s where we’re going to take a break. (groaning) MATT: (laughs) MARISHA: Which way is the dragonborn riding? This way past us or away? MATT: Just now getting up on the horse and looks like they’re going to be heading back this direction. We’ll get to that when we come back from our break. TALIESIN: Just got to knock the horse out. MARISHA: The horse is already 100 feet away from us. MATT: We will be back here in a few minutes. Before we go away, we do have our Wyrmwood Giveaway to pick up where this is about to get real interesting. SAM: I don’t know who any of these people are! MATT: This is the zebrawood Wyrmwood dice box, leather interior, nice and awesome. It’s going to go to one of you lucky winners here. Tonight’s password is scry, S-R-C-Y, scry. Enter it once– no, it wasn’t a hint, I usually base it on what happened in a previous episode. MARISHA: S-C-R-Y. MATT: S-C-R-Y. That’s not what I said, right? MARISHA: It’s fine. TRAVIS: S-C-R-Y. MATT: S-C-R-Y, I apologize, S-C-R-Y. It’s like there’s words in front of me or something. Anyway, enter it once. More than once, you’ll be disqualified. Once again, US and Canada only, excluding Quebec. We’ll have a winner when we come back here in a few minutes. See you in a bit. ♪ You’ve got the perfect warlock ♪ ♪ Her weapons and supplies ♪ ♪ But you need a place to track your stuff ♪ ♪ ’cause you’re so disorganized ♪ ♪ You click open the webpage ♪ ♪ You heard about on Critical Role ♪ ♪ And now you’re ready to kick some butt ♪ ♪ In that mineshaft full of gnolls ♪ ♪ It’s D&D ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ Yeah, D&D ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ You’ve got your stats, you’ve got your swords ♪ ♪ And you’ve got your invisible wand ♪ ♪ It’s D&D ♪ ♪ D&D, D&D ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ BRIAN (VO): Last time, on Talks Machina. BRIAN: OhNoItsMia has a question for Laura Bailey. ASHLEY: Oh no. LAURA: There’s no more stats? It was just two stats? ASHLEY: Listen, I did– BRIAN: You want the show to be stats now or do you want the people to be able to ask you stuff? LAURA: I just thought there would be other stats. BRIAN: Ashley, what were you going to say, please? ASHLEY: No, I was just going to say, I didn’t do a whole lot in this episode. BRIAN: You were the only other one available tonight besides Laura. ASHLEY: I was the only one available tonight. BRIAN: Everyone else is at Flappers getting ready for Joel Hodgson’s stream after ours. ASHLEY: Everybody was busy, so I’m here, so just calm down everybody, I know.
LAURA: Also, you just wanted to hang out with me. DANI: Ashley, you’re perfect and I just want you on the show all the time. ASHLEY: Well, thank you, Dani. BRIAN: You know what happens when I put my shoes up on the couch at home? LAURA: What? Nothing? BRIAN: Don’t give me that look because it works. Naomi Andrews wants to know, “It was very nice and fitting “that Yasha got the room with the balcony. “After her last interaction with the Stormlord, “actually having a conversation, “is Yasha looking forward to communing with her god more?” ASHLEY: Definitely. I think the choice for the balcony was a couple reasons. BRIAN: Laura!
LAURA: I’m sorry! BRIAN: I can’t fucking believe this. Can we have one episode? LAURA: I can’t help it. I forgot.
ASHLEY: It’s fine. BRIAN: You can restart if you want, we will edit this out. Steve, we can take care of this, right? LAURA: We were talking about the Stormlord. ASHLEY: Well, I think that the choice for the balcony was for a couple reasons because, you know, sleeping in a home and under a roof like that is obviously a very new thing for Yasha. I think it’s, hopefully, I think it’s one of those things of not wanting to get claustrophobic. So she can always just go outside if she needs to. Also, from experience, from what she knows up until this point is that she communes with her god outside, he’s an outside god. As far as she knows. She’s like I don’t know if he comes indoors. ♪ Sensual seduction ♪ LAURA: Okay, so here’s the thing, right, this is actually, should I explain all this? DANI: Yes. ASHLEY: Do it, do it. BRIAN: If you don’t, I’m staying. LAURA: Oh, okay. So like Fjord, okay, so I feel like Jester’s really like been very forward with Fjord and you know and he hasn’t returned any of those flirtations– things that she thinks are flirtations. Whether or not he understands it or he’s not interested, whatever, but there was definitely this friendly banter between them earlier on that kind of drifted away when we were at sea. She doesn’t, he hasn’t been talking to anybody about the turmoil he’s been going through and any of that stuff. So I’m kind of backing it off in those terms with her like she’s not going to be, and plus having the realization that all romances are not what you read in the books, you know? So she’s kind of coming to these terms of like, “Maybe I don’t understand what “it is “and how other people feel and how I feel, “I don’t know any of those things.” BRIAN: You make your own fairy tale. That’s what you do. LAURA: Well,Iknow these things, but Jester doesn’t know these things. So yeah, in that moment–
BRIAN: But I’m telling the actor who portrays her– LAURA: (laughs) So in that moment, when he’s actively seducing somebody and was playing up the whole storybook romance, all of her romance novels that she’s been reading and he’s acting like that, she very much was just, I said it, it was heart eyes the whole time. Just like the little drool coming out of her mouth probably, but trying to be subtle about it and not succeeding in any way, yeah. DANI: He’s flirted with her a little bit. LAURA: He’s flirted. He’s trying, I think.
DANI: He’s done a little bit. LAURA: But Jester doesn’t get it anymore. I think it’s just been so many times of like Fjord shutting it down, that now she’s like, “I don’t know how to react anymore “with this.” DANI: (fake sobbing) ASHLEY: Stop it. Put your hands down and close your eyes. Stop opening your eyes. LAURA: Careful because the buttons could hurt. ASHLEY: Close your eyes. Trust me, I’m your fiancée.
LAURA: Just keep your hands (laughter) TRAVIS (VO): Last time on Yee-haw Game Ranch. LAURA and ASHLEY: (southern accent) Well, hell. LAURA: Welcome back to Laura Bailey’s Yee-haw Game Ranch. MARISHA: “Welcome back, boys. “Yee-haw!” LAURA: Oh, oh wow. What’s your name? MARISHA: “Well, you’re not the Realmwalker “and you’re not his disgusting, rotten, “piece of asparagus sidekick.” ASHLEY: Whoa. MARISHA: “Oh, I’m sorry. “I’m Root N Toot N Ruby, “the Oracle of the 12 realms.” ASHLEY: Wait, who are you looking for? Because you mentioned a Realmwalker. Who is that? MARISHA: “Oh, don’t you sugar-covered dandelions “worry about that none. “It’s just an age-old prophecy “of the one who can walk between realms, “an almighty being that charges all 12 game souls, “the great prophet that fuses and shattered worlds together “and brings peace to the gameverse.” ASHLEY: That does sound like a little too much tar for our wagon wheels. Wait, but hold on, who was that sidekick you were talking about, who? MARISHA: “That’s the liability. “He’s a disgusting man with flesh-colored beard. “He will probably die alone “because no one wants to hitch their wagon “to a two-legged horse with macular degeneration “and permanent resting bitch face.” LAURA: That is terrible.
ASHLEY: That is harsh. Man, he sounds like a trough filled with shit. MARISHA: “Love you, bye.” ASHLEY: I’m coming, I’m coming. LAURA: Kill the aliens. ASHLEY: I’m just going to hit these trash cans and this– LAURA: I’m alone! Oh no, it’s getting me, no! Oh no, no, no!
ASHLEY: Oh, head-on collision. Here I come, here I come. Wait, where are you? LAURA: I’m over here. ASHLEY: Oh, why am I going in the house? LAURA: Oh my god, there’s so many aliens. When you do the cheeto thing, according to Travis, you have to do it with your arm extended. ASHLEY: Oh, you do? That’s what I’m doing wrong? LAURA: Then you have to flip it into your mouth. ASHLEY: I’m going to make sure I hit everything. I’m taking out all of the newspaper stands because, as they say, print is dead. So… LAURA: You lulled me into safety. ASHLEY: Oh come here, come here. (laughter) LAURA: Oh my god. I’m making so much money right now. ASHLEY: Goddamn it, I’m so bad at this. Turn the fuck around. (laughter) ASHLEY and LAURA: ♪ Bitch better have my money. ♪ ASHLEY: Okay, let’s– what are you doing? Who is shooting me right now? LAURA: This construction worker was shooting you. ASHLEY: Well, thanks for taking him. LAURA: You’re welcome. Nobody hurts my bitch and gets away with it. ASHLEY: Back up. LAURA: If anybody makes women driving jokes after this episode, you can suck it.
ASHLEY: Listen, I am doing a three point turn here fantastically, and there we go, not worried about it, getting past traffic, going to make a right right here and then I’m going to go down– LAURA: Can I shoot out the window while you’re driving? ASHLEY: Try it. LAURA: I can! ASHLEY: Oop, here come the cop. LAURA: Eat it, coppers. ASHLEY: Look how cute you are. Burning Man! Do people shoot at you if you’re streaking? Can I not shoot if I’m streaking? Oh, I can’t shoot at anybody if I’m streaking. ASHLEY: Let’s go stand in the light. LAURA: Look at how happy she is as she’s running around. MATT: (grunting) “Oh, “would you look at that? “I think it worked. “You were right, Pumat Number 3, “all we had to do is invoke that subscription cantrip. “Pumat Number 3? “Oh boy, “well hello there, “I’m Pumat Prime. “It’s good to finally join you here “in the Prime Dimension. “I see this is the Twitch Prime Realm, I think, and “oh, we’re on the Critical Role channel, aren’t we? “Well, would you look at that? “You got chat and everything. “Respectfully, I was looking for the Prime Rib Realm, “but this isn’t too bad. “You see, if you already have access “to the Amazon Prime realm, “you can get a free subscription “to the channel of your choice “in the Twitch Prime Realm. “The two realms have a pretty good working relationship “after that peace treaty “the prime minister signed a few years back. “You just have to remember “to renew your Twitch Prime subscription “at the top of each month, respectfully. “And hey, if you’re already a subscriber, “you can spread the joy by gifting a subscription “using the Gift a Sub button. “That is assuming the Empire “hasn’t sent a tax man to your shop here recently. “(nervous laughter) “All right, well off to find that darn elusive “Prime Rib Realm. “Who knew the Prime Dimension had so many pockets? “Good luck. (chuckles) “Pumat 3?” TALIESIN (VO): Subscribe. Resubscribe. Brian Foster is not a cabbage. [dramatic music] MATT: Welcome back.
TRAVIS: Nobody said anything. MATT: Yeah, it was great. They were actually quiet this time, good job. Welcome back. Before we jump into this cluster fluffer– TALIESIN: Cluster fluffer. MATT: There you go.
MARISHA: I need a Nutter Butter. MATT: I know. Fluffernutter. We have our winner. The winner of our giveaway of the Wyrmwood piece is Keegan Hanson. Keegan Hanson, congratulations. We will get that sent to you ASAP. Well done. So where we left off– SAM: Oh god.
TALIESIN: Damn it. TRAVIS: Come on, we got this, wing it. If we fuck it up, we’ll just leave the Empire or the Dynasty, it’s fine. LAURA: They’re how far away from us right now? Like 100 feet, is that 100 feet? MATT: As you guys are looking through this side window, you watch through that side there from where you can view. MARISHA: It was a male drow, right? LAURA: Yes. MATT: Male drow, female dragonborn, as far as you can tell. The dragonborn is up on the horse after unhitching it and is getting ready to start riding that direction. LAURA: They’re already on the horse? MATT: They have unhitched it and got up onto the horse. LAURA: We run out, right? LIAM: Well, I tell the group quietly: Nott said stop that dragonborn, we have to get there. Jester, can you get us there? Can you get us there? LAURA: Yeah. I open the door and start running out towards the horse. MARISHA: Wait, what, wait? MATT: All right, so let’s roll initiative because we are now engaged. TRAVIS: Is it just the people in this house or is it us as well in the back? MATT: It’s you guys in the back as well. But you haven’t been notified. You guys are just out there still waiting. You’re like, huh? LIAM: There’s just death. TRAVIS: You got 1d8 to your fucking initiative shit. LIAM: Yeah, you too, Cad. MARISHA: I haven’t forgotten. Thank god, too. LIAM: So 1d8 plus 1d8? TALIESIN: No, I don’t want to be this high in the initiative stack. LAURA: I wish I could’ve taken that.
MARISHA: I get to do that once LIAM: Seems like a good time. LAURA: Yeah, do it. Probably you’re only going to get– MARISHA: 14 plus four is 18.
TRAVIS: Once a day? I thought it was– MARISHA: Well, my boots. MATT: Got it. All right, so 25 to 20? TALIESIN: 24. MARISHA: 21. MATT: All right, so we have Caduceus followed by Beau. TALIESIN: Damn it. MATT: Wait, and Beau, you were what? MARISHA: 21.
MATT: 21, okay. TRAVIS: [inaudible] fucking roll high. MATT: 20 to 15. LIAM: 18. ASHLEY: Oh no. MARISHA: Wait, I’m going to be– SAM: Oh, 15. Sorry, 15. LAURA: Did it count for anything? MATT: Jester would be through this door and just stepping outside at this point, I’ll say. MARISHA: I’m sorry, Matt. I forgot to add my actual initiative. I’m actually 26. MATT: Okay, so Beau is up first. MARISHA: I was too busy counting dice. MATT: It’s okay. So Caleb, is anybody else? SAM: 15, sorry.
MATT: 15 for Nott. 15 to ten? ASHLEY: 11.
LAURA: Oh seven. MATT: Hold on, 11 for Yasha. LAURA: No, that’s below ten. MATT: What’d you get? TRAVIS: Five. MATT: Okay. So Beau, technically, you have initiative. From inside the building, Jester just pushed the door open and ran out into the center of the main street. All you’ve heard is what you’ve heard from Caleb giving Nott’s message. What are you doing? LAURA: I’m still the drow, right? It hadn’t been an hour since I went in? MATT: Correct. TRAVIS: Kick us off, man. MARISHA: I– fuck me. Can I acrobatics through this window? Am I dope enough to do that? MATT: You can totally do that. MARISHA: I go through here. MATT: Make an acrobats check. You basically just look and then leap through and tumble past. TALIESIN: That’s a way to do it.
MARISHA: That’s good. 27. MATT: Yeah, you completely soar over these boxes. They don’t reduce your speed at all. You’re just tumbling and rolling and using the momentum to continue forward. So 15, you land there. 15 feet of movement. MARISHA: That was 15. MATT: Correct. MARISHA: I’m going to run the rest of my speed and I’m going to dart catty-corner to this pocket over here. As I’m going, I want to get out one of my cherry bombs. MATT: 45, your speed? MARISHA: Yeah, 45, yes. MATT: That’s as far as you get with your movement. MARISHA: I want to get out one of my cherry bombs and light it and throw it, see if I can throw it underneath the horse. MATT: Okay. One of the firecrackers from Hupperdook? You got it. You use your action to throw. Go ahead and make an– MARISHA: — anything else. Startle him. MATT: Make an– go ahead and make an attack roll. Roll a d20, add your dexterity modifier. TRAVIS: Hope that’s not a warhorse. MARISHA: My dex mod? MATT: Yes. MARISHA: Oh thank god, that was almost bad. Whew, 19. My fucking heart. MATT: So you pull it out. As you’re running, getting it, and you stumble, roll to the ground, use momentum to move forward, pull it out, getting your flint out, throw it. (rolling and bouncing) (explosion) It sends off sparks and a loud series of bangs from inside, the horse gets up. When it gets to its turn, we’re going to see if the dragonborn can try and keep it under control, but that horse is sufficiently spooked. MARISHA: Do I have a dash that I can do? MATT: You have your bonus action.
MARISHA: A bonus action? Can just leap and tumble and see if I can like– MATT: If you use a ki point to Step of the Wind, you can try.
MARISHA: Oh yeah. MATT: Because yeah, your action movement’s done. So whatever your bonus action is. MARISHA: Yeah, I’m going to do that. I’m going to Step the Wind and try and get behind and hunker down over and get down and try and get out of sight and hope that that was as stealthy as I thought it was in my head.
MATT: You haven’t hidden yet because you had no action left to hide, but you did make your way over there. Next turn, you’ll be able to hide. You just dart through quickly. That’s your turn. Beauregard, you’re finished, Caduceus, you’re up next. TALIESIN: Okay, okay, okay, fine. MATT: You watch both Jester dart out and then Beau just jump through the window. What are you doing? TALIESIN: I’m going to take my action to Disguise Self. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: I’m going to look like my lanky farmer drow which I’ve been playing with. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: And… I’m going to head in that direction 30 feet and see if I can start waving down the rest of the kids. MATT: 15, 20, 25, 30. Okay, there is that slight gap between the buildings right there. You can just see that it’s about, it’s a little under a foot. It’s a tight squeeze, especially for someone of your stature. You’re thin, you’re just tall. You might be able to try, but you’ll have to get over there to try it. That’s your movement and your action. TALIESIN: There’s not a window on the second floor facing that direction? MATT: There is a window there. There’s not one facing this way. MARISHA: Did say the horse was tired. TALIESIN: Yeah, and then, yeah actually, yeah, yeah that’s where I’m going to. MATT: Okay, ending Caduceus’ turn. So Nott, (sighs) at the top– TRAVIS: (excited laughter) MATT: — turning around in the chamber, the drow is looking at you and it just gives you look. “And why are you skulking around? “Interesting.” SAM: Is it the drow’s turn, my turn? MATT: It’s the drow’s turn.
SAM: Okay. MATT: I need you to go ahead and make a wisdom saving throw. SAM: Cool, cool, cool. Not great. Nine. MATT: Nine. This drow’s a pretty great fella, and whatever he needs, you’re going to take care of. This has been a misunderstanding and you are at this drow’s because you are charmed. SAM: Cool. MATT: He says, “Why don’t you “go ahead and watch the door “and not let anything come through “without using one of those little weapons at your side?” SAM: Sounds good to me. MATT: “Great, thank you for that,” and continues to walk down the stairs. TRAVIS: Spell that: (drawn out) fuck. MATT: Steps to the inside and heads– TRAVIS: (laughs) What’s happening? What’s happening? MATT: All right. The hobgoblin walks down the steps past you and just pushes and walks down very calmly to where the hobgoblin is, gives a look and they both begin to walk towards the exit. Now it comes to the hobgoblin’s turn. The hobgoblin’s just waiting. It’s looking up at you, confused, but heard the conversation and continues to follow at the front door. Correct. It’s following behind the drow. That’s the full extent of where it can travel. End of their turns. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: Okay, I was at the window looking out. I’m going to try to clumsily crawl through the window and spill out here. MATT: All right, make an acrobatics check. LIAM: Okay. SAM: To get out a window? LIAM: Yeah.
TRAVIS:Ja, ja, ja.LIAM: 12. MATT: 12. It’s a little less cool than Beau’s exit. It’s more of a pull something, get out. It takes you 15 feet of movement to get off to that corner there. LIAM: I want to go five, ten, 15 so I can see– MATT: That’s as far as you can get. LIAM: That way. I crush the catmint flower in my hand and stretch my hand out and a small translucent cat appears hovering just above the horse and the dragonborn for a split second, then there is a giant orange claw floating just above them. MATT: All righty. TALIESIN: I love the all righty. Yeah, of course there is. MATT: There you go. LAURA: Big ass claw. LIAM: Actually I would like it to be a little past them because what it’s going to do is– MATT: This way?
LIAM: Yeah. It’s going to claw the shit out of the horse. MATT: Okay, so you want it to move down to like– LIAM: Attack the horse, yeah. MATT: All righty. LIAM: Five feet higher than that, but we can just imagine it. MATT: Sure, five feet higher. LIAM: Very low roll. That is a spell attack, 14. MATT: 14 definitely hits. Go ahead and roll damage. SAM: Liam O’Brien, candidate for president: hates animals.
LIAM: Hates animals. Stop that dragonborn. That is, where is it? Sorry, everybody. New spells, that’s 4d8. 4d8, here we go. 20. MATT: 20. How do you want to do this? LIAM: Grate down and grab him and it will (grasping) into the horse’s body and smash it into that garbage pile right there. MATT: You hear this (yelping) as it just crushes and claws into it. The horse goes limp and then it’s thrown into the corner there. ASHLEY: Oh no! TALIESIN: I feel bad about– MATT: The dragonborn is thrown off its back and lands prone on the ground next to it. The dragonborn’s wide-eyed, was already out of breath it seems and now is just trying to take in the circumstances. Glances over and sees all of you emerging and swarming into the area and it’s looking around very frantic and frightened. LIAM: One last centimeter of Caleb’s humanity just withers away. MATT: Okay. That finishes your go, Caleb. Nott, you’re up.
LIAM: Terrible, terrible. SAM: What, me?
MATT: Yeah, you’re up. SAM: Oh, I have nothing to do. MATT: Yeah, you’re just going to go and guard that door. LIAM: Immigrants. We get the job done.
LAURA: The front door? Or what door? TALIESIN: The downstairs door. MATT: Head on down. LAURA: Oh, the front door
TALIESIN: Oh, the front door? MATT: Now these are out of play, technically, since we’re down in this space. You have come over to the side and you are now guarding the entrance for your new friend. SAM: Cool, cool. TALIESIN: You don’t get a save against charm, do you?
SAM: I don’t think so. TALIESIN: Okay.
MATT: All right. That brings us to Yasha. MARISHA: I was trying to startle it. MATT: You did hear the horse scream and you’ve heard already the sound of heavy impact combat on the opposite side of the house. ASHLEY: Okay, do I see Caduceus or Jester running or any of us? MATT: Glancing from where you are, you can just barely see them dart and pass, so yes. ASHLEY: Okay, so I’m going to start making my way out there just towards my friends. MATT: 15, go ahead and make an acrobatics check for me to see if it reduces your speed. ASHLEY: Natural 20. MATT: Oh, you run and it’s like, you hear a faint (suction) from the air suction of quickly you move through. TALIESIN: Dramatic alley. MATT: 40, is that your movement, right? ASHLEY: Yep. MATT: All right, so that’s your movement. You can continue to move forward if you want. ASHLEY: Did I see him cast a spell or anything like that? What did I see? Did I see that we’re in battle? MATT: You see both of them rushing out and looking intense. You see Caleb in the background who has just been doing this. ASHLEY: All right, I would like to rage. MATT: Okay, bonus action, you are raging and you have your action still. ASHLEY: Okay. I still don’t see anything from there? MATT: Nope. You see, everyone’s going towards the front of the building. You see everyone’s attention this way. ASHLEY: I’ll just take the rest of my movement. MATT: Okay, five, ten, 15, 20, 25, 30. Are you going through the building or you staying there? ASHLEY: No, I’m staying because I don’t know, I see that the fight is here, so I’ll stay there. MATT: So you’re just holding the doors and guarding? ASHLEY: Yeah.
MATT: You got it. That finishes your turn. Now it’s the dragonborn’s turn. The dragonborn’s going to get up for half its movement, 15 more feet. It’s going to go run this way, ten, 15 and then it’s going to dash, and just continue to run another 30 feet this way. It’s about there. It’s off the map, but it’s maybe 20 feet off the map. MARISHA: The dragonborn?
MATT: Dragonborn. It’s just like (panting). She’s running as hard as she can because her horse just got killed by a giant floating ethereal arcane cat claw. That’ll make you run and maybe piss yourself a little. That finishes the dragonborn’s turn. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay. I’m supposed to get the dragonborn, right? MATT: Yeah. LAURA: Fucking hell. I’m going to Dimension– MATT: Well, whatever you think is important. Do what you want to do. LAURA: I’m going to run forward. MATT: Okay. Five, ten, 15, 20, 25, 30. LAURA: And, do you think they’re within 120 feet, the dragonborn? MATT: It’s a good chance. LAURA: I’m going to try to Guiding Bolt them. MATT: The dragonborn?
LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Okay, go for it go for attack. ASHLEY: No, that was cocked. MATT: No, that wasn’t. What’d you roll? Is that a natural one? LAURA: Yes, it was. MATT: I’m sorry.
LAURA: Yes it was, Matthew. MATT: I didn’t know if it was a seven. I feel like such an asshole. I didn’t mean to– LAURA: No, maybe it was a seven and I just misread it. MATT: In running and pulling up your holy symbol and preparing the spell, at this moment you see the horse get crushed and thrown. LAURA: (gasps) Oh no! MATT: And it throws you off. As you release the energy, you’re looking one direction while the divine power of the Traveler thrusts in a different and unfortunately just goes wide and sparkles in this flash of divine energy in the sky harmlessly above the dragonborn. You’ve got a bonus action, though. LAURA: (blows raspberry) MATT: Use your bonus action and blow raspberry, okay. LAURA: I’m going to use my bonus action to yep, blow a raspberry. MATT: All right, blow a raspberry. Got it, Jester. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: I see Yasha–
MATT: You see Yasha dart around that way TRAVIS: I will take the other direction. MATT: Okay. 15, 20, 25, 30. You just make it around the side there with your movement. TRAVIS: Can I seeladragonborn? MATT: You can, yes. They’re about somewhere between 30 to 40 feet from you at a quick glance. TRAVIS: I will send, I will fire two bolts of Eldritch Blast at it. MATT: Go for it. Roll for two attacks. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: Laura, we got to get some sage and– TRAVIS: 14
MATT: — get this curse out of there. 14 hits.
TRAVIS: 14 hits? MATT: Yes. TRAVIS: 17. MATT: Both hit, roll damage on each. TRAVIS: 14 hits, yeah the dragonborn, right? LAURA: It was the same dice. I didn’t put it into jail. SAM: That’s the problem.
LIAM: That’s on you, then. LAURA: That’s on me. LIAM: If we all die, that’s on you. I think our mistakes tonight have been equal. TRAVIS: It’s only six points on the first one. That’s cocked. 14 on the second. So 20 total points of Eldritch Blast damage. MATT: Okay, so Fjord turns the corner, looks over and sees dragonborn running, and releases two Eldritch Blasts. You watch the dragonborn run, run, hole through the chest, falls. TRAVIS: 20 points of damage? MATT: Yep, falls dead. MARISHA: They were definitely a messenger. MATT: They were a scout and they are big old Eldritch hole in their sternum from behind falls dead onto the street. TRAVIS:Adios muchacho. (laughter) MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: Yep. Nope. SAM: (intones flute from “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly”) TRAVIS: Did we win? MATT: Beau, it’s your turn.
LIAM: Shit! If I could just kill myself just touching it. MARISHA: It’s my turn. MATT: Yes, it is. LIAM: That was quick. MARISHA: Yasha, are you going towards the door? Is that what you were doing? ASHLEY: No, I was, I don’t know what, I just saw you guys fighting. I came out there and then I saw everything, I saw the dragonborn running. I’m not going inside because I feel like Nott is probably doing a good job in there. I have no idea what’s going on, but I’m guarding the door. I’m holding the door. TRAVIS: Hold the door. ASHLEY: I’m waiting. If anything comes out, I’ll be ready. LAURA: (Hodor impression) Hold the door! MATT: What are you doing, Beau? TALIESIN: Hodor jokes were fun once. MARISHA: I’m going to head up by Yasha. LIAM: I know, it’s not the same now. There’s a taint. MARISHA: Over the wall, over the wall. MATT: This way? MARISHA: Over the wall! MATT: Acrobatics check for me. LAURA: I’m going to get a tattoo. MARISHA: Athletics, acrobatics, 19. MATT: Yeah, you’re fine. So you’re right next to Yasha. That’s your movement. MARISHA: That was 45? MATT: Yeah, or it’s 40 to get up there. MARISHA: Where’s the– fuck! ASHLEY: What happened? We were standing back there and then we saw that there was a– MARISHA: I’m going to open the door. MATT: Okay. SAM: Oh boy, it’s on. MATT: Open the door and you see on the interior, Nott, who’s been holding a ready crossbow shot. Go ahead and fire at Yasha. MARISHA: Oh! TRAVIS: She’s raging. MATT: She is raging. SAM: Oh, at Yasha? I mean, it definitely hits. It’s like 28.
TRAVIS: I don’t know. With your bracers that are on order. MARISHA: Can I Deflect Missiles and try and catch the arrow for Yasha since I’m right next to her? MATT: Roll a dexterity check off against Nott. Both of you guys roll a d20, add your dexterity modifier. MARISHA: Oof. SAM: 24. MARISHA: Ooh, definitely not, 13. MATT: No, unfortunately, the unexpected firing of this crossbow bolt catches you off-guard and you try and reach just a second too soon as it slips through your grasp. You can roll sneak attack damage as well because Yasha was unaware that you would be shooting her as soon as the door opened. LIAM: Wait a second, wait a second. LAURA: Sneak attack?! LIAM: I thought that hiding was like, it’s a condition, like if that shit’s on and there’s an attack going on, I just remember the the shitty end of this as Vax, like if your enemy knows that shit is happening. MATT: This isn’t about being hidden, this about being shot by your friend when the door opens. LIAM: All right. (laughter) MATT: There are few things as surprising in combat than having one of your allies go (arrow shot). TALIESIN: I mean to be fair.
LIAM: It’s cinematic as hell. TALIESIN: That’s surprising out of combat, to be fair, too. SAM: 25 points of damage. MATT: 25 points of damage reduced to 12. LAURA: That was a good hit, good hit. ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. MATT: The door is now open. All right, Beau. LIAM: Fuck, this is such a clusterfuck. MATT: You pull the door open. You see a bolt go right into Yasha’s shoulder, looking forward. MARISHA: Nott! That’s nothing. This is my turn, right? MATT: Sure, you have a bonus action. MARISHA: Oh, bonus action. I guess I can attack with my bonus action, right? MATT: You have nothing you’re in melee with. You can throw something. Right now the door’s in your way. You can, but they’ll have partial coverage. You’ll have to throw around the door. MARISHA: To attack Nott? MATT: Hmm? MARISHA: To attack Nott? MATT: You can attack Nott or anybody else in the room. MARISHA: I’m going to just get through the threshold. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: I’m going to use my movement to get in there and step out of the way to not block the door for Yasha, but be by the door. MATT: Okay, that finishes your turn?
MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Caduceus, you’re up. TALIESIN: Okay I can, I believe I can cast spells when I’m using Hidden Step, right? Hidden Step, as bonus action, turn invisible until the start of your next turn. You attack, deal damage, or force a saving throw once per short rest. MATT: Yeah, you can you can cast while you’re doing it. It’s one of the few cases invisibility. TALIESIN: That window is right there, if I recall? That window is a window? MATT: What, right here? Yes, there is. TALIESIN: And it’s open? MATT: It does not open. It is glass. TALIESIN: It’s glass?
MATT: Yes. TALIESIN: Can I cast through glass? MATT: If you can see something through it. It depends. If it’s an effect that happens and you can see the spot, yes. If it something that has to travel, it has to break the glass to get through it. TALIESIN: Cool, all right. I’m going to turn invisible. I’m going to walk up to the glass. That’s five, ten, 15, 20, 25, 30. MATT: You’re right up to the window there. TALIESIN: How many enemies do I see in there? MATT: You see Beau, you see Nott, you see the the cloaked drow figure that entered, the hobgoblin. You see Maruo, the goblin that owns the establishment. Those are– TALIESIN: I’m going to cast Bane on the three that I know are a problem. TRAVIS: Oh, I love it.
MATT: Okay. LIAM: That’s why I sped up your fucking initiative because I wanted to Bane. (laughter) MATT: On– TALIESIN: All three of them. MATT: All three, including Maruo? LIAM: (like Bane) Oh, including Maruo. MATT: All right, Maruo has now ducked below the counter. TALIESIN: Did Maruo duck below the counter? MATT: Maruo, as all this has just happened and then you cast it, feels the effect hit and then ducks below the counter. TALIESIN: Okay, that’s fair. MATT: All right. That finishes your turn. TALIESIN: They get to make charisma saving throws. MATT: They do. So Maruo, fails. The hobgoblin fails. TRAVIS: Ooh, come on now. MATT: The drow fails. Yeah, all three have Bane. LIAM: (as Bane) Oh, your punishment will be more severe. TALIESIN: Yeah, that’s my whole kit and caboodle. I’m invisible till the start of my next turn. SAM: Why does everything Bane say start with “Oh”? TALIESIN: You need a can of Pringles to do it the right way. MATT: The drow steps over, is walking forward with the hobgoblin behind them as all this happens. Sees Caduceus in the window, looks over as, oh no, you’re invisible, sees you walk in and just gives an amused glance, looks past and looks at Yasha and goes, “Orphan Maker?” (gasping and yelling) SAM: Oh, backstory, lore it up, backstory, lore it up. MARISHA: This is the drow? TRAVIS: (alarm sirens)
MATT: This is the drow. ASHLEY: (stuttering) Who– I– wha– MATT: You do not recognize this person. ASHLEY: Who just said that? Because I just got real, everything went real (vibrations). MATT: The drow. Turns to you, Nott and says, “Just take care of her for me,” winks at you and reaches back and grabs the hobgoblin. SAM: Oh no.
LAURA and ASHLEY: No, no, no. MATT: You watch them both. LAURA: Use a spell, use a spell, use a spell. MATT: You can’t use it as a reaction. TALIESIN: I can, though. MATT: What? TALIESIN: Dispel Magic as a reaction.
MATT: Dispel Magic is an action not a reaction. TALIESIN: No, there’s no reaction? MATT: Counterspell is what you need and he’s too far away, unfortunately. TRAVIS: Can I see them through a window? MATT: From where they are, you can see them through a window and you watch them just– TRAVIS: I will cast Counterspell. MATT: Do you have Counterspell? TRAVIS: I do. LAURA: Oh shit, motherfucker! MATT: Roll a perception check.
LAURA: Well, hell! TRAVIS: I don’t know if I can see them. MATT: Roll a perception check, this is pretty– LAURA and ASHLEY: Come on. TRAVIS: 16. MATT: 16. MARISHA: Come on, come on. MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll a– TRAVIS: They’re valuable spells.
MATT: I know. Go ahead and roll and add your, well, let me check on the– (groaning) TALIESIN: I’m not okay. ASHLEY: We can’t let them fucking leave. MARISHA: Does he have you? LAURA: No, he has the hobgoblin. MATT: Roll and add your spell ability modifier. TRAVIS: Where is that? Caleb, where is that? LIAM: It’s right there, those three numbers at the top. TRAVIS: So plus five, okay. SAM: Come on, fucker. TRAVIS: 20.
LIAM: Yes. MATT: 20, all right. TALIESIN: Do they roll against it? LAURA: I don’t know, I don’t know. SAM: Best spell in D&D.
LIAM: Yes. SAM: How did you get that? TRAVIS: I took it. LAURA, ASHLEY, MARISHA, and LIAM: (whispering) Uk’otoa! MATT: So that works. (yelling) SAM: Clutch! LIAM: It’s the best spell. TRAVIS: That’s a 5th-level. LIAM: It’s why I never turn it off, ever. SAM: Of course not. LIAM: Why would you? Yeah, it’s always on. MARISHA: Fuck. MATT: As that happens and the spell peters out, looks back at the window, “Interesting,” and is going to turn back to walk towards the back of the chamber. LAURA: Okay, okay, okay. Look at all the cool stuff in there. MATT: Pushes through the door into this room. LAURA: Is that where the stuff was? SAM: The bag of residiuum? MATT: Yeah, that was the room where you guys have looked through before. The hobgoblin is going to hold the space here and move up to front of where you are, Beau, and it’s going to take three attacks against you with his greatsword as he unsheathes it. MARISHA: Ooh, he’s got a greatsword. MATT: That is 23 to hit. MARISHA: Hits. MATT: 20 to hit. MARISHA: Hits. MATT: 13 to hit. MARISHA: Miss. MATT: So Counterspell, fucking– aw, this means I get to– I’m going to have to throw some guys with Counterspell in here too now, because we got two people with it! Oh, I can’t wait! TRAVIS: I forgot about it when Caleb threw that Fireball at us and I was like, “It’s sitting right here!” TALIESIN: So many things we all forgot in that fight, though. LIAM: I never forget anything, never, not names, details–
MATT: That’s going to be– LIAM: — story points, spells. MATT: 18 points of slashing damage on the first hit. MARISHA: Jesus. TALIESIN: Oh, you’re taking your negative d4 to all those hits, right? MATT: Not damage to it. TALIESIN: No, I mean, so the attacks you took a negative d4 to all three?
MATT: But 19 still hits? MARISHA: No, it doesn’t. My AC’s 20. So yeah, one of them misses. MARISHA: Wait, you rolled a 23. MATT: 23 and a–
MARISHA: A 20? MATT: And 20. So the second one misses. Well, the second, yeah, I miss it. MARISHA: Unless you roll a four, okay, yeah. MATT: All right, so that worked out well. But you still take the first attack, yeah. MARISHA: Okay. Thanks, Caduceus. MATT: That finishes his go, finishing their turn. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: Okay, can I see in that window at all? MATT: No, that window is closed.
LIAM: Is sealed, okay, good. MATT: Both windows on both sides are shut. LIAM: As I walk this way, I send, as a bonus action, I send Cat’s Ire out towards the dragonborn to grab it and I go five, ten, 15, 20.
MATT: How far can you move it? LIAM: 60 feet. MATT: 60 feet? So yeah, it moves right over and it reaches down and scoops up the body. LIAM: Now looking through the door, I can see what, the hobgoblin and the goblin? MATT: You can see the hobgoblin, that’s all you can see. LIAM: Just the hobgoblin? Well, the hobgoblin’s getting shot up with Magic Missiles. I’m going to cast that at 3rd-level. MATT: All righty. LIAM: 2d4, 3d4, 4d4, 4d4. Wanted to do the drow, but the drow was through. Five, eight, 12, 13 13 plus, 18 points of damage. MATT: 18 points of damage to the hobgoblin, you got it, all righty. LIAM: Done, out of juice. MATT: Finishes Caleb’s go. Nott. You’re going to go ahead and take a shot at Beauregard. SAM: You said Yasha, I thought? MATT: Oh yeah, he did point at Yasha. So taking a shot at Yasha. SAM: It’s the same thing, 20 something. ASHLEY: Yeah, that hits. MATT: You do not have sneak attack on this, however, because there is not an ally next to it. SAM: Yeah, that’s 12 points. MATT: So reduced to six. All right, and– SAM: Do I do anything else or that’s it? MATT: No, I mean, the rest is up to you, but consider, right now you are fighting against them. Tactically, you make the choices you would make to fight against them. SAM: Bonus action, shoot again. MATT: Fire again at Yasha. SAM: That’s 27. MATT: Go ahead and roll another attack. ASHLEY: Bring it, bring it, bring it. SAM: Another nine points of damage. MATT: Reduced to four. So Yasha’s like (impacts) there’s just bolts sticking out of parts of the torso. Angry in the door. One, you’re raging. Two, the pain’s there. Three, that term used– ASHLEY: Oh, that was trigger.
MATT: The whole world is just (heartbeat pulsing) All right, that finishes your turn, Nott. Are you going to move, stay put? SAM: No, I wouldn’t move. MATT: Okay, you stay right there. That brings us to Yasha, your turn. ASHLEY: Okay.
MARISH:A Fuck shit up! LIAM: Kill that goblin. ASHLEY: Okay. SAM: I never liked you, Yasha. ASHLEY: I would like to reach out and palm Nott’s head in my hand and I would like to try to rip the crossbow out of her hands. MATT: Okay, so make an attack. This is a grapple check. Go ahead and roll. This would be, I’ve got to check real fast just to be sure. For the grapple, there we go, so… Yeah, you make an athletics check instead of an attack roll and you have an advantage on your athletics check because you are raging. ASHLEY: Um, um, um, 17. MATT: 17, make an acrobatics check. LIAM: Especially my surgery arm. SAM: 24.
ASHLEY: Fuck. MATT: Being up against Nott is frustrating because she’s super slippery and very quick and you just can’t seem to grab her. You can try to do a second attack. ASHLEY: Yeah, I’ll try again, second attack. MATT: Do another athletics check with advantage. ASHLEY: Okay, come on. 17 again. MATT: Acrobatics. SAM: 14, 15. MATT: 15. You can’t pull the weapon away, you’ve got to do that next turn, but you currently have Nott grappled. Nott cannot move, your speed is zero. Holding Nott in place through the door. ASHLEY: Can I move? SAM: I hate you. Get off of me. ASHLEY: Can I move in the room or? MATT: Currently, I would say as you’re holding, you can move in the room, unfortunately you can’t. If you let go of Nott, you can. Otherwise, you’re right there.
ASHLEY: I’ll just stay. MATT: Okay. ASHLEY: I don’t want to hurt her because I know she’s, I’m going to hurt her again if she– MATT: Okay, finishes Yasha’s go. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Can I see that Yasha’s being attacked by Nott? MATT: What you see is Yasha with three crossbow bolts in her chest and currently holding on to a scrambling Nott. LAURA: Okay. Okay. SAM: I’ll steal your stuff! MARISHA: Cat claw. MATT: Scoop them up like a claw machine. SAM: I hate the chin tattoo. I always have. LAURA: I’m going to look at Nott and know I’ve seen this thing before with Caleb and I’m going to reach out and cast Dispel Magic on Nott. MATT: Dispel Magic on Nott. TALIESIN: Don’t know if that’ll, I have no idea. LAURA: I can affect any magical effect. SAM: (pulsing vibrations) LIAM: (pulsing vibrations) LAURA: (reading) “Choose one creature or magical effect “within range, “any spell of the 3rd-level or lower on the target ends.” SAM: Seems pretty cut and dried. TALIESIN: You have to roll if it’s higher? LAURA: Yeah.
TALIESIN: Sweet. MATT: I’ll say go ahead and just roll a d20 and add your wisdom modifier. LIAM: Jester. LAURA: Why? 18. MATT: 18, yeah.
SAM: Wisdom modifier. MATT: Nott, your eyes clear and the influence from this entity– LAURA: It was 14. It was not my modifier, I did my saving throw. MATT: Oh, got you. 14 is still enough. LAURA: Okay. MATT: Barely. You now have control of your– SAM: (gasping) Yasha. ASHLEY: Stopfuckinghitting me. (laughter) SAM: Eep! MATT: So that’s your action, you still have your movement. LAURA: Okay. I’m going to run over so I can see in the room maybe better. MATT: This way? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: There you can see inside the room. All right, that ends your turn, Jester. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: I saw them and there’s bunch of people in there. MATT: Yeah, they’re all rushing. TRAVIS: They’re doing shit. How far away from me is the dragonborn body and the giant flaming orange cat paw? MATT: It’s about 50 feet from you. TRAVIS: Shit. Yeah, I was going to come over and give it a little authority, though. MATT: It’s up to you.
LAURA: Can you go through the window? Get in there. TRAVIS: Are there people on the street? MATT: There are some. Yeah, it’s morning. Now that you’ve looked around to notice, yes, there are people who have stopped and turned because a horse got murdered in the street and there’s been spells flinging and shouts and yelling and there are people marching to the front of the apothecary and starting a fight. There is definitely a spectacle. TRAVIS: I still look like a very rich drow. I’m going to pull out the symbol of the Bright Queen and I’m going to run towards the cat’s paw and I’m going to say: Business of the Bright Queen, clear the streets. MATT: All right, make a deception check, please. TRAVIS: Okay. Ugh, 11. MATT: 11, okay, you didn’t biff it, but people you have people’s attention. You’re not sure if they believe you yet. You may have to continue to push this to try and sway them. That’s going to be your movement and your action to do so.
TRAVIS: Yep. MATT: All right, that finishes Fjord’s go. Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: Okay, Nott’s good, going all in on this bugbear. That’s who’s in front of me, right? MATT: Hobgoblin. MARISHA: Hobgoblin, going all in on this hobgoblin. MATT: Go for it. SAM: (scat singing) MARISHA: (scat singing) Okay. First, I’m going to do both my attacks. Same time, but how? Wow, cool, cool. One’s a natural one. The other’s 23, though. MATT: 23 does hit. The first time you reach out, you actually end up punching right in the middle of the plate armor that it’s wearing and (clanging) you pull your fist back and then punch with the other hand and make impact. MARISHA: Okay, that’s good, that’s good. That’s 11. MATT: 11 points of damage. Great. MARISHA: Stunning Strike. MATT: All righty. It’s a natural one. It’s going to use Indomitable to reroll the saving throw. TALIESIN: You also have the d4 on the saving throw. MATT: That’s right, yeah. TALIESIN: I will continue to say that. MATT: That’s going to be with a 22 minus four, 18, does that beat it? MARISHA: I think it, yes, yes. TALIESIN: Even with a d4? MATT: It rolled 22 and then I rolled a four on the d4 so it brought it down to 18. This guy’s pretty tough. He’s got a high constitution. Anyway, so that’s your second strike. You have a bonus action still. He’s a big, beefy hobgoblin in plate mail. MARISHA: Flurry of Blows. MATT: Go for it, two more strikes. MARISHA: Pop, pop. Jesus Christ. 20 for one and 13 for the other. MATT: 13 misses, 20 does hit, though. Roll damage on that other strike. MARISHA: Piece of shit, fucking piece of seven, shit. MATT: Seven points of damage.
MARISHA: Balls. MATT: All righty. Is that your turn? MARISHA: Yes. MATT: All right, Beau finishes her go. That brings us to Caduceus, who has now appeared at the window. TALIESIN: Is that window to my right open? MATT: This is closed, it is shuttered. TALIESIN: This is a shuttered window? MATT: It is two wooden shutters that are closed. TALIESIN: Hmm, okay, really quick just to see. SAM: Our plan is perfect. MARISHA: (laughs) TALIESIN: That is– da buh da buh da. The way things are going, I’m going to cast, I can’t do Sacred Flame through the window, can I? MATT: You can. Sacred Flame doesn’t fire to them, it just apparates on them. TALIESIN: Oh, I’m going to do Sacred Flame on the bugbear on the inside. MATT: On the hobgoblin. TALIESIN: Hobgoblin, sorry I’m still on the bugbear. MATT: Okay, natural 19 plus dex save, that makes it a 21. TALIESIN: With the d4? MATT: Ooh, thank you for reminding me. TALIESIN: It’s still going to be too high. MATT: Minus one, so 20. TALIESIN: Yeah, never mind.
MATT: Sorry. TALIESIN: Yeah, nothing happens. MATT: Yeah.
TALIESIN: Okay, I’m going to just back a few feet, just a– MATT: Five, ten? TALIESIN: Actually, you know what, I’m going to stay at the window and just keep my eye open on things for now. MATT: Okay, cool. Finishes Caduceus’ go. It is now the hobgoblin’s turn. The hobgoblin is going to go ahead and– LIAM: No, Siri. MATT: Siri, no, it’s not your turn. TRAVIS: No!
ASHLEY: Shush. MATT: It’s going to go ahead and make, It’s going to do all its strikes on you because you’re the one who’s attacking up front. It’s barely noticed that Nott’s no longer an issue, but you’re the one who’s now punching and going for marks and yeah, he just wants to finish you off. First attack, 24. MARISHA: Yes. Is that with the minus d4? MATT: Yes.
MARISHA: Yep. MATT: Next attack is natural one. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: That, however, is going to be a 25. So two hit you. 18 points of slashing damage. 20 points of slashing damage. With the second strike, the blade carves through the front of your chest and there’s a splatter of blood as the blade carves up through past your neck and just barely misses a vital vein. It’s enough force, splattered the back of the wall to the side. MARISHA: Big sword, tight quarters, big sword. TRAVIS: Big sword, tight quarters. MATT: That finishes its turn. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: Striding in a straight line for ten, 15, 20, 25, 30 towards the straight line behind Jester and I also heard that voice calling out about the order of the Bright Queen. I’m smart enough to figure out what that is. I try to subtly draw in Cat’s Ire and the claw carries the dragonborn body and hovers by this drow’s side as if the drow had summoned it, right by his side and Magic Missile 3rd-level again through the door at the same target. Okay, so that is, that was one, two, three, four, five, of these guys. One, two, three, four, five, four, eight, ooh, ooh! Oh, they were all fours! All of them! MATT: That’s beautiful. LIAM: 25. They just spiral around Jester and Yasha. MATT: Past the arms, through the legs, hitting the armor. You watch the plate dent with each impact. There’s all these giant heavy pock marks. They’ve blasted into it. You can see the the force causing it to push into elements of his chest and the hobgoblin’s like, (grunting). Looks at you through the door and is like (grunting). Does that finish your turn? LIAM: Yes, it does. MATT: All righty. That brings us to Nott. SAM: I’m going to run past the hobgoblin and dart into the side room.
MATT: I assume you’ve dropped your grapple? ASHLEY: Yes.
MATT: Okay. You’re going to dart past the hobgoblin. SAM: Yeah, and into the side room. MARISHA: Keep your eyes on that piece of shit. MATT: You step into the room. The chamber is empty, and the the back slats on the window are open. SAM: I’m going to dash through it. MATT: Okay, so that’s five, ten, 15, 20. Did you do a disengage? SAM: No. No, I need that to run. MATT: That would be– TALIESIN: Minus four. MATT: Minus four. Rolled a four. 17. SAM: 18. MATT: Slams into the wood behind you splintering elements to the floor. All right, so that’s 35. That’s your movement 35 there. SAM: Dash. MATT: Dash out. You leap out into the middle of the hall and though the back alley. You don’t see anything. SAM: That’s action and, no, that’s movement and bonus MATT: Movement and bonus. You still have an action. SAM: Who can find– I will message Jester. Wait, who can find things, people? Jester can. I will message Jester. I need you in the back, I need you the back alley right now. MATT: Okay, that finishes your turn. Yasha, you’re up. LAURA: Am I allowed to reply? SAM: You can reply to this message. LIAM: That’s it.
TALIESIN: And you did. TRAVIS: “Am I allowed to reply?” ASHLEY: How far is it to that back window if I were to just keep going? MATT: This way?
ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: You’re not sure. You’d have to run to try and find out. You aren’t even aware there’s a back window right now. You just know there’s a back room. ASHLEY: Okay. I’m just going to go up and I’m going to attack this hobgoblin. MATT: All right, so you move into this cluttered room. It’s hard with this giant greatsword. You have to push off the wall and with your best ability strike it with the Magician’s Judge. ASHLEY: 19. MATT: 19 hits. ASHLEY: Okay. That is 13 points for the first hit. MATT: That was with the additional d6, right? ASHLEY: No, it was not. MATT: That’s your first attack, always gets the additional d6 and the– ASHLEY: d6.
MATT: Yeah. ASHLEY: With an additional six. MATT: So 19 points of damage. ASHLEY: Second hit. 11. MATT: 11 misses.
ASHLEY: Ugh! MATT: I’m sorry.
ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: Don’t forget, you can go reckless if you want to, just for future rounds. ASHLEY: Might as well because I’m going to get hit anyway. MATT: Well, yeah.
ASHLEY: Next time. MATT: Next time. All right, so the first strike impacts. It’s now you and Beauregard gathered in this space and you see him looking over his shoulder back towards where his companion ran off to. ASHLEY: Am I able to get to a point in the– I’m sorry, so we’re flanking? MATT: Yeah, you can move around. I’ll say from [inaudible] You can get about there. ASHLEY: Still keeping my eye on the back. MATT: Okay, yes, you’re not leaving combat range. You got it. Technically, if you were flanking before that would gotten, that’s fine. ASHLEY: That’s okay, I didn’t see that before. MATT: All right. That finishes your go, Yasha. Jester. LAURA: Okay, I’m going to run around the side. MATT: This way? LAURA: No, like whichever. MATT: 15, 20, 25, 30. LAURA: Double dash it. MATT: 30. You just get to the back and you can see Nott currently standing there in the middle of the back alley going (panting). LAURA: Where’d they go? SAM: I don’t know. You go that way, I’ll go this way. LAURA: Wait, I can Locate Object. That’s all I can do for this turn though, right? MATT: Yeah, that’s all you can do. ASHLEY: There’s an additional four points because I forgot to add for Divine Fury. MATT: Yes, don’t forget that. All right. That’s 24 points damage on that opening attack. All right, that finishes Jester’s go. Fjord, you’re up. You can see now folks are starting to gather and you can see in in the back, looks like someone has ran off and gotten the attention of two Aurora Watch soldiers. that are looking over and discussing. So what are you doing? TRAVIS: Everyone, please return to your homes. It’s safer there. Clear the streets, please. And I’ll just keep walking showing the symbol and backing up into the passageway between the two buildings. MATT: Deception check. TRAVIS: Perception or deception? MATT: Deception. TRAVIS: Deception, 28. MATT: 28. TRAVIS: That’s way better. MATT: All the figures in the immediate vicinity like– and shuffle and go back to their business and start, and the Aurora Watch soldiers are still walking this way, but they’re a ways off. They’ll get there in two rounds. They don’t seem rushed, especially with you shouting, but they’re definitely curious. You get to move back and you get all the way into the corner of here and that’s your turn. All right, but you definitely seem to have gotten rid of a lot of the immediate attention and curiosity about this throwdown. TRAVIS: Return the street to normal in case anybody else is coming. MATT: All right, Beauregard. MARISHA: Okay, I saw Nott take off that way. I’m going to go look for this guy, assuming he’s in here. I’m going to run past and go through the window as well into the other room. MATT: Okay. LAURA: Still take care of the hobgoblin, though. MARISHA: Yeah, Yasha’s there. MATT: You’re at the window with 40 feet. You can try and go through. MARISHA: Go through. MATT: All right. Acrobatics check if you want to try and not lose any movement. MARISHA: That’s a natural 19, so 28.
MATT: Yeah, no worries. You just like one hand, vault off and land on the ground. That’s your movement. You still have your action and bonus, still. LAURA: Hi. MARISHA: What’s going on? Where is he? LAURA: He ran away. MARISHA: Ugh! I’m going to go the opposite direction that Nott went. I’m going to dash. MATT: All right and then dash as well? Step of the Wind or just dash? MARISHA: Dash and then do I see anything back where I am? MATT: Are you bonus action dashing or using an action–
MARISHA: Just bonus action dashing for now. MATT: All right, so you’re spending a ki point to Step of the Wind to get over there. MARISHA: Yes.
MATT: Okay. Then you’re using action to go ahead and roll a perception check as you’re now taking your action to actively perceive any sign of anything that might catch your eye. MARISHA: Six. MATT: Unfortunately, with the adrenaline pumping in your head and the chaos that happened in there and honestly being the in the dark interior for a second than coming out here and having to adjust to the space back here which you’ve only been once before, you’re not really seeing anything that’s catching your attention. Sorry. Caduceus, you’re up. TRAVIS: Is he still inside that fucking room? LAURA: Possibly. TALIESIN: I’m going to use my action to use– no, I’m going to do another Sacred Flame attack for now. Keeping it pretty basic. MATT: Okay. It does not make it. With a four minus two.
TALIESIN: Okay, yay! That’s a 2d8. Oh, that’s nice, that’s nine, 14 points of radiant damage. MATT: 14 points of radiant damage. Bursts up, the flames curl around the armor, the face singeing, some of the fur on the corners, like the beard and the edges of the red skin of this hobgoblin. Tough fucker. You going to stay put are you going to move? TALIESIN: I’m going to stay there. MATT: Okay, that finishes your go. It’s now his turn. He’s going to turn around. Since Beau has gotten out of his grasp, angry look at you. “Let’s finish this.” It’s going to make all three attacks on you minus the 1d4. That’s going to be 25 to hit. ASHLEY: Mm-hmm. MATT: He’s rolling natural 18, natural 19. 26 to hit. ASHLEY: Mm-hmm. SAM: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. MATT: And 18.
ASHLEY: Mm-hmm. MATT: All three hit. TRAVIS: No problem. Got to give them extra luck. MATT: 16 points of slashing damage reduced to eight. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: And, that’s not a good roll for him, 15 points of slashing damage reduced to seven. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: His bonus action, he’s going to use his Second Wind to– TALIESIN: Oh, he’s going for it. MATT: So he hits you, that was two attacks, I have three attacks. Oh, there we go. 21 points slashing damage reduced to ten. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: Then once he finishes, wham and sending you back, you’re having to to move heavily onto your back foot as you’re trying to deflect it with the Magician’s Judge. These two greatswords striking and sparking in this dark interior, lighting up the room with each impact and with each strike slamming into your shoulder, across the face, and one finally hitting you right in the middle of your– TRAVIS: Clavicle?
SAM: Trap? MATT: Yeah, trap, thank you. It cuts in deep and you fall to one knee and look up on him as he draws the blade across to cut even deeper. You’re like, “Ugh!” The anger’s still pumping in you and as you do, he goes (breathing) and just prepares himself, grinning now, like he’s starting to feel the adrenaline really hit, too. ASHLEY: Fun. MATT: That finishes his go. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: Okay. I am striding towards the door and as I get about this far, I tell Cat’s Ire to lift that dragonborn, hug the building and go dump it in the back. By the time I get to the door, I should be able to walk in the door. I’m going to unload Magic Missile into the back of his bugbear again at a 4th-level.
LAURA: Hobgoblin. LIAM: Hobgoblin, sure. LAURA: Jester, as you stand there, all of a sudden the body of the dragonborn just splats on the ground in front of you, you hear a few bones snap and the legs bent backwards now. LIAM: 26 points from Magic Missile level four into its back, 4th-level.
ASHLEY: Yes, queen. LIAM: And I step in. MATT: And you step in? LIAM: Yeah, I think so. MATT: Close the door behind you as you go? LIAM: That would be an action, wouldn’t it? If I can, I’ll close it. Well, no, Caduceus is outside and I saw him there, right? So no. MATT: Okay. Yeah, closing a door it’s a use an object which you can do as like, well, it’s not use an object, that’s like a– you can do that as part of your movement. Unless it’s locked. If it’s locked, you have to, it’s an action to unlock it.
LIAM: If I saw Caduceus out there, I wouldn’t have shut it. MATT: Okay, you’re good. That finishes your turn, Caleb? LIAM: Yeah.
MATT: All right. You just unload this blast of additional arcane missiles. They didn’t even need to arc much. This was a point blank almost just release and they just blast them in the center. You can see the armor is now the circle where they all blasted the back of the plate like hangs open a little bit. You’ve almost destroyed the back of his main chest armor. LIAM: Still standing?
MATT: Still standing, yeah. LIAM: Caleb looks at his own hand like: Son of a fuck. That’s three I’ve unloaded into him. MATT: Nott. SAM: I’m going to go the opposite way of Beau. I guess bonus action dash and then action to perceive. MATT: Perception check. SAM: Hey, better. 14. MATT: 14, you look around, you hear the wind blowing through, a small pebble rolling, nothing. TRAVIS: What?
ASHLEY: Fuck. TRAVIS: I don’t know. Either that, or he Dimension Doored. LAURA: It’s possible. MATT: That finishes your turn. Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: Okay. Ugh, okay. MATT: You move into the chamber and you’re like– Caleb, you’re right up against this guy, yeah, just so you know. LIAM: I thought that would do it, but– ASHLEY: We’re flanking? MATT: You are flanking currently, yes. ASHLEY: Okay, that means we have advantage? MATT: Yes, you do. ASHLEY: Okay. All right, here I go. I’m going to attack. Oh, natural 20. TRAVIS: Oh! Tee up! MATT: That’ll do. ASHLEY: Okay. That is… ugh, Savage Attack, I’m going to reroll these. That’s four, five, seven, so 13 or that’s a little better, eight, nine, nine, 16 for the first hit. So double that. MATT: Was that before you added your modifier? What was the damage before you added your? ASHLEY: Oh sorry, nine, nine. MATT: So 18 plus whatever your rage and strength is. ASHLEY: Plus whatever my rage and strength is. Yeah, that’s plus seven, right? Yeah. MATT: Right. The total would be 18 plus seven, yeah. TALIESIN: Oof, that’s rough. MATT: Okay. That’s the first strike. Second attack. ASHLEY: Second attack. Yeah, okay. 24. MATT: 24 hits. Go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: No brutal critical for you, right? MATT: Actually, you should at this level. I think you got that at level nine. That means you get to roll an additional d6 in damage, I believe. ASHLEY: Really? MATT: It’s the ability you got this last level, I think. Brutal Critical, 9th-level, yes, you roll an additional d6. TALIESIN: Then double that. ASHLEY: Should I have done that for the last one, too? TRAVIS: You just add it, you don’t double it. MATT and ASHLEY: Only for the critical. MATT: Yes. Roll one more d6. ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, an additional four. MATT: All righty, you got it. TALIESIN: Is that doubled or is that just–? MATT: No, it’s just in addition to it. ASHLEY and MATT: Second hit. MATT: The first one strikes and after the blow you took to the shoulder, you reach up in the blade jams you, you jam it up into his stomach and sternum and it cuts through the armor and goes a few inches into the torso. He’s like, “Ugh!” ASHLEY: Can I keep it there? MATT: Yeah, and you just push it harder for the next hit. ASHLEY: 13. MATT: All right, so you push in a few more inches. He spits blood down his chin, down the front of the armor, across the blade. He’s looking really bad. ASHLEY: Fuck yes. LIAM: God, he was such a heavy-hitter. ASHLEY: Okay. I can’t move, I attacked. Do I get a bonus action? No, that was– MATT: You don’t have much to spend on it right now. ASHLEY: I was just going to see if I could just hold him down. MATT: As you’re pushing the blade in, he’s like, “Orphan Maker, “I’ve heard of you.” (yelling) LIAM: Blade on bone. MATT: Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay. This is stupid. I’m going to cast fucking Locate Object again, but this time I’m not going to do it on the book. I’m going to do it on that scarf that I saw the drow wearing when they walked in the door. MATT: Okay. You go ahead and take on the persona of the drow that walked in. LAURA: No, no, no, no. MATT: Locate, I’m sorry, I misunderstood. LAURA: I’m trying to locate, yeah. TRAVIS: Although we might do that later. LAURA: Yes. TALIESIN: Where did I leave that scarf? LIAM: Locate Scarf. MARISHA: I cast Locate Scarf. TALIESIN: Locate Neckwear. LAURA: If I saw it up close within 30 feet– MATT: Wait, what level is this? LAURA: This is 2nd-level. MATT: Oh, Locate Object. LAURA: Yes, if I saw it within 30 feet, I can find it exactly. But I wasn’t within 30 feet. MATT: Correct. LAURA: I can find the nearest thing like it that I saw. MATT: Strangely, picks up nothing. TRAVIS: Because it wasn’t real. LAURA: It was a fucking disguise. ASHLEY: Fuck. TRAVIS: Or he’s just fucking way out. LAURA: I bet it’s a disguise. Or he bamfed. MATT: That’s your action. TRAVIS: Because how far out is that? LAURA: I’m going to go– SAM: I think 1,000 feet. MARISHA: We still have the fabric swatch. Scrying takes a minute right? LAURA: Yeah, it takes ten minutes. I’m going to go back in the building and I’m going to go through the window that’s open. MATT: Okay. You climb back through and with the last of your movement, you get inside the storage room. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Okay, that finishes your go, Jester. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: How far away are they to Aurora? MATT: Aurora Watch, which are the main guard and military of the Kryn Dynasty. They are about 100 feet from you this direction. TRAVIS: Okay. I will calmly start walking towards them with a very low hand at my side gesturing them to come forward, but in as sly a manner as I can, like I’m trying to keep a low profile to anyone else that might now be watching besides them. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: I will wait till they reach me to interact with them. Can I hold my speech, my talk? MATT: I’ll say sure, as an action, if they approach close enough, you can do that. Okay, that finishes your go, Fjord. We’re at the top of the round. Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: I wander back, but as I walk back, I want to like look for any stray movements, any sounds, any footprints in dirt that might be walking by, signs of an invisible person that might be wandering. MATT: Okay, make a perception check. Actually no, this would be tracks. This would be survival. MARISHA: Survival. No investigation? Nine. MATT: Nine. All right, you spend your round looking around. There’s plenty of footfalls everywhere, there’s foot traffic through here, a lot of all different sizes. You’re unable to really ascertain whatever is the most fresh and seems to be– MARISHA: But no, I mean I’m looking for like movement of an invisible person potentially. MATT: Oh, that would be perception. So whatever that roll was, consider that your perception roll. MARISHA: Same garbage. MATT: Yeah, unfortunately, nothing. That finishes Beau’s go. Caduceus. TALIESIN: I’m going to– yeah, this has gone on long enough, I’m going to do one more shot just to see if I can knock this this guy on his butt. One more Sacred Flame. MATT: All right. Ooh, natural 18 plus two, 20. Minus four, 16. TALIESIN: Yep, that hits. MATT: All righty.
TALIESIN: Here we go. MATT: Your DC’s 17? TALIESIN: DC’s 17. MATT: Yeah. Bane came through again. TALIESIN: Oh wow, that’s rough. That’s that’s 18 points of radiant damage. MATT: How do you want to do this? TALIESIN: I’m just getting a little tired of all this, I see it’s going– MATT: The last thing you see is Yasha with her Magician’s Judge partway into the torso of this hobgoblin and the last thing you hear like faintly through the glass is like, “You’re a legend.” TALIESIN: And on fire. MATT: Just as he burns, he burns, there’s the moment of pain and just looks you in the eyes and grins and he begins to smolder and fall to his knees. TALIESIN: Sleep.
MATT: Snap his neck, pull the blade out. TALIESIN: Did you just kill? I’m going to run in immediately. We need alive, we need– MATT: He’s very dead. TALIESIN: Goddamn it. LIAM: We got a goblin though, right? TALIESIN: She’s not going to know anything. LAURA: Maruo might’ve escaped in all of this. TALIESIN: That’s weird. MATT: At this moment, it’s quiet in the room, there’s now the smell of burned hair and flesh. The hobgoblin is dead, charred on the ground, blood scattered on the wood. MARISHA: I crawl back in through the window. TALIESIN: Can I try and– MATT: If you have Revivify. TALIESIN: Oh man. ASHLEY: Fuck. SAM: We can talk to the dead body. LAURA: We can talk to the dead body. TALIESIN: There’s things you can, talk to the dead is only so helpful. TRAVIS: Right, they don’t have to tell you. MATT: Anyway, you guys enter back into the building, climb through and look inside. LAURA: Should we move the dead scout in the back? TRAVIS: The dragonborn? LAURA: Yeah, we should move it inside. LIAM: Well, that’s what– the Cat’s Ire carried it to the back so it could dumped it through a window or– LAURA: Yeah, let’s get it through the window. MATT: Cat’s Ire pulls over– LIAM: Right, helps get it through and then evaporates. MATT: Right. So Caleb, you come to the front, look through the window and help guide her over and bring it inside the body just looks rough. LAURA: I immediately go into the corner of this room, sit down and start scrying. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: I pat down the dragonborn, start looking for anything. MATT: Okay, well, while you guys are doing this– TALIESIN: I can tell there’s no saving this at this point.
MATT: Outside of the Revivify, yeah. Between the blade through the chest, the Sacred Flame, which, unless you intended to be non-lethal– TALIESIN: I did intend to be non-lethal, but– MATT: But at the point that he was falling unconscious. TALIESIN: I know. I’m going to go behind the counter very gently. MATT: Maruo is right there clutching a crossbow and is like (scared panting). TALIESIN: I’m going to do Detect Magic really quickly. MATT: Yeah, and it’s in the same corner. TALIESIN: It’s in the same corner. It’s a wand right if, I recall? MATT: No, it’s just a magical aura. TALIESIN: I’m going to go poke that thing. LAURA: It’s the fucking bugbear. MATT: Okay, you poke and you feel a body there and a hand goes and grabs. TALIESIN: Hey. MATT: “Hey.” TALIESIN: This doesn’t have to go down badly if you don’t want it to. MATT: “We don’t want any part of this.” TALIESIN: I’m cool with that. Do you mind dropping the invisibility? I’m saying this out loud, let’s all just cool our jets for a second. MATT: Maruo fiddles with something and you watch the bugbear appear. It’s a big muscular one. TALIESIN: Everyone’s a little on edge and this definitely didn’t go the way we wanted. Best to sit down and just chill out for. MATT: “Yeah, I can do that.” TALIESIN: Yeah, I know, you’re fine, you’re fine. MARISHA: Can we shut the doors and windows? MATT: While this is happening, the two guards approach you. “What is the business here? “We were called over, there was–” TRAVIS: Keep your voice down. MATT: “Who are you?” TRAVIS: By the light of the Luxon, whatever you do, keep a calm demeanor. There is a covert ambush operation being carried out here by order of the Bright Queen. I need you to return to what you were doing. If you need to stay near, hide yourselves, act natural. That fellow that got away almost ruined this entire thing. Please, you do not want to ruin this. MATT: Make a deception check. TRAVIS: 18. MATT: 18. They both look at each other. “Right, apologies, “good luck.” They both just turn around.
TRAVIS: May the light be with you. MATT: “Light be with you,” leave the opposite way. Having a face man fucking saves so much trouble. TRAVIS: I’ll go back in and shut the door behind me. TALIESIN: Locate Creature, if that’s even possible. MATT: Sure, you want to Locate Creature. TRAVIS: The face off. TALIESIN: Our friend who got away. MATT: Creature, 4th-level. Okay, so you’re sitting down to cast Scry. SAM: Silence. MATT: You do sense it. It is towards the north and it is moving. It is a ways away. You’d only know the direction. You don’t know how far it is or where they are. You just know the general direction of where they are. TALIESIN: They’re moving north. TRAVIS: Who, the person we were trying? TALIESIN: Yep. Right now. SAM: Like how many feet? TALIESIN: Don’t know. MATT: You don’t know, just the direction. TALIESIN: Moving north.
ASHLEY: Try and pat down what’s left of this hobgoblin’s body to see if I can find anything on him. MATT: Yeah, make an investigation check. TALIESIN: Mr. Caleb, maybe do we want to send a creature, a flying creature maybe?
ASHLEY: 11. MATT: 11, okay. The armor’s ruined. The plate is largely destroyed. You do pull off about 365 gold pieces, 12 silver. The blade is nice. ASHLEY: Say again? MATT: The greatsword that he had is a fairly nice weapon. It looks well made, yeah. ASHLEY: Okay. MARISHA: Did I find anything on the dragonborn? Correspondence, papers? MATT: Actually, that’s a valid point too, Caduceus, you would’ve also felt a magical essence when you cast Detect Magic over in the chamber near were your friends were. TALIESIN: Oh, I’ll let everyone know. We should check out, I’m getting a vibe from the other, from that room over there. LAURA: The one that I’m scrying in? MATT: No, the one that Yasha was, specifically the greatsword. TALIESIN: Oh, greatsword is magical. Be careful of it. MARISHA: Dragonborn. MATT: Right, roll an investigation check. MARISHA: What the fuck?! TALIESIN: I get an hour. MARISHA: Nine. MATT: You do. Concentration for an hour. Nine, okay. On the dragonborn, you find the gold of coin, the pouch of coins that was given to her by this figure upstairs. You grab that. That one is 50 platinum. TRAVIS: Fuck, okay. SAM: If you know that this creature is nearby, we should go look for it. LAURA: Has it been ten minutes? MATT: If you want to wait, you can wait until ten minutes go by. LAURA: I’m just scrying, I’m trying to scry. It takes ten minutes to scry. On the blonde guy. SAM: The blonde guy. What about the one who was here, the drow? LIAM: In the interim, I would’ve– LAURA: He’s got Locate Creature on that one. SAM: I know, let’s go get him. MATT: The blonde guy does not make his save. TRAVIS: Does not make his save. LAURA: As you’re concentrating and focusing, your vision carries in once more and for a brief second you see the hooded face, the smile, the lower half of the Traveler’s grin, look at you and– LAURA: Help me. MATT: “I will.” Turns your head this way and as your head swivels, there’s a blur and suddenly you’re inside the chamber where you first saw him. The room where he was taking notes and is back to in the process of looking through the same book, making more notes in the margins and researching. TRAVIS: I don’t think he ever left. LAURA: Maybe he’s not the one meeting. TALIESIN: What if the meeting is later? MARISHA: He was meeting the guy that we scared him off. SAM: He’s in the Empire right now. LAURA: Do I see anything that he’s writing? MATT: Make a perception check.
ASHLEY: Do we know that for sure? TRAVIS: Come on, come on. MARISHA: It’s two different areas. LIAM: Let her do her shit. LAURA: 23. MATT: 23. TRAVIS: That helps. Remember the last time you could barely see anything. MATT: Do you understand Celestial as a language? LAURA: No. MATT: Then you cannot understand anything that he’s writing. LAURA: Celestial. TRAVIS: Anybody got Celestial in their wheelhouse? SAM: She’s an artist. Maybe she could copy a letter or two. LIAM: Yeah, if you can write or draw. TALIESIN: That’s hard to figure out. It’s hard to fake a language. LAURA: I’ll try to remember symbols, that’s all I can do. MATT: Okay, all right. While you’re focusing on it, like just concentrating in the direction, the direction is moving slightly, shifting. TALIESIN: They are moving still. They are still in movement. MATT: Gone. TALIESIN: And they’re out of range. SAM: What’s the range? TALIESIN: Give or take 1,000.
MATT: Heading northward. TALIESIN: 1,000 odd feet. They’re moving northward, though. MARISHA: If we get back within range, can you continue to to find them and track them? TALIESIN: Is it a spell that picks up? I feel like I would know that. MATT: Yeah. If you can get back within range. MARISHA: Should we move? I can move fast. TRAVIS: You’re going to close 1,000 feet? MARISHA: I could if I had a horse. Oh wait. TALIESIN: Can I tell what speed that they’re moving? LAURA: We have moorbounders. TALIESIN: Can I tell if it’s a fast speed or a slow speed? MATT: It started slow and then it went quicker. ASHLEY: Let’s get on the moorbounders and run. TRAVIS: It’ll take, what, 20 minutes to get back to where the moorbounders are? MATT: Yeah, they’re still in the house. You have to backtrack southward to where your house is. TRAVIS: They’re gone. LIAM: We have no idea, they’re gone. TRAVIS: We should get questions out of these two. TALIESIN: How much city is to the north? MATT: Hmm? TALIESIN: How much city is to the north? MATT: Maybe another eighth of a mile, like not much. The Coronas doesn’t go too far. Judging the distance and the exit, this figure left your range in the Ghostlands. TALIESIN: They’re heading towards the Ghostlands? MATT: They’re in the Ghostlands now, heading north. They’ve left the city. TALIESIN: Shit. MARISHA: I’m down to be a runner if we want to have some people stay here and some people run. LAURA: Fjord, you and I could stay and disguise ourselves as the hobgoblin and the drow. TRAVIS: We could. In case there’s another meeting. LIAM: So we lock these two up? Put manacles on one of them and tie up the other? Tell the soldiers on trail through the Ghostlands to catch somebody? TRAVIS: Yeah, but we might leave them free in case someone needs to come in and see the shop owner unimpeded. LAURA: Yeah, we’re saying we stay here as the people meeting. We’ll look just like them. We don’t need to be locked up at all. LIAM: No, lock up these two, the real ones. MATT: You’re in the room with them. “I’m just going to come out here and say “that I have nothing to do with this.” TALIESIN: Not the time. LAURA: I’m saying make us look like the drow and the hobgoblin. The goblin and the bugbear stay there, they do what they do. We turn in to the drow and the hobgoblin and act like we are the people that the blonde guy is meeting if he shows up LIAM: Sure, will these two cooperate? LAURA: Yeah, of course they will. MATT: “I run a business.” ASHLEY: Did we check the upstairs? SAM: No, let’s go do it. TALIESIN: We should just take a look around. Your friend there, and I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name. MATT: “Ben.”
TALIESIN: Hey, Ben. What is it that you do? MATT: “What the boss say.” TALIESIN: Okay. MATT: “We don’t get involved in business “we’re not supposed to. “That looked a little more than I can handle.” TALIESIN: Can you explain to me what was just going on? Like what was this meeting, do you know, or is this like a community room? MATT: “This happens every now and then.” Maruo’s like, “Some folks want a private place to meet, “so they drop me some coin “and I give them the upstairs.” TALIESIN: That’s what I thought. Have you seen these people before? MATT: “Only once before, a few months back.” TALIESIN: Did they have a human with them? MATT: “No.” TALIESIN: Just them, no other people? MATT: “Same trio.” SAM: Are you fast? TRAVIS: Not like that. MARISHA: Not like I am, bud. It’s either that or I go along. LIAM: I just scarfed my cat on Beauregard. TALIESIN: You’re also beat to heck right now. ASHLEY: I’m pretty low. SAM: I’m fast. MARISHA: You want to come with me? SAM: Sure. TALIESIN: Take a few more minutes. I’m going to run a quick Prayer of Healing. Well, no, if you’re running immediately, I’m just going to do a– They were moving and then they moved faster. So they’re either flying or on a horse or whatever. I don’t know if you’re going to catch up to that. TALIESIN: On the way out, I’m going to burn my, should I burn my spells? Is it time to burn spells? LAURA: Yes.
LIAM: We’re desperate. MARISHA: I don’t have any way to find them unless I get there with a horse. It’s your Locate Creature that I would need. Fuck. ASHLEY: Does anyone want to check upstairs? SAM: Yes, let’s go.
LAURA: I could send them a message and tell them to turn around. MATT: You do have the figure. You could send them a message and just scry whatever you want to do. You’ve seen the figure so you know them. TALIESIN: I’m going to take a few minutes to run a Prayer of Healing on a bunch of people. MARISHA: Thank you. ASHLEY: Thank you. TALIESIN: I’m going to cast it at level three just to give everyone a little bit of a boost. I’m going to just continue to talk to the bugbear and see what’s up with them. Let’s see, what is this? MATT: “I’m just being honest. “I know nothing. “I’m just here to keep the boss safe.” TRAVIS: Yeah, but you keep an eye out invisibly from the corner. I think you need to tell us everything you have seen or heard these people discuss. MATT: “Well, I haven’t heard them discuss anything. “They come in here, drop coin “and then talk upstairs.” TALIESIN: 17 points of healing to everyone who needs it. ASHLEY: Oh, so good. TRAVIS: So you’re a bit of protection here for your boss? MATT: “Yeah.” “Does a good job when people try and rough me up. “Take out some coin. “Surprises them from the corner, you know what I mean?” LAURA: On the drow that’s striding away. SAM: You’re going to send him a message? LAURA: I’m going to cast Sending. MATT: All right. LIAM: Let’s go roll the upstairs. TALIESIN: I’m going to also: We’re just going to take a look around. We’ll be back in a minute. Just keep cool and just be cool. MATT: “All right, mister.” TALIESIN: Cool, man. LAURA: I’m going to cast Sending. All I’m going to say is: Eyes are on you. You’ve left the rendezvous. What happened to the mission? MATT: Let me check something real fast. TALIESIN: Power play. Power play. ASHLEY: Power fucking play. ASHLEY: Come on, come on. Come on. MATT: Responds, “I know you, “but I appreciate your attempt at deception. “If you are intent on following, “come north. “Bring her.” TRAVIS: Ooh, hoo, hoo, hoo! MATT: And that’s where we’ll end tonight’s episode. (yelling) TALIESIN: Oh damn! MATT: We’ll pick up there next week. TALIESIN: Hey, magic sword, guys. TRAVIS: Orphan Maker. LAURA: (Cockney accent) Hey, Orphan Maker, what happened there, Orphan Maker? ASHLEY: (Cockney accent) Orphan Maker! TRAVIS: Holy shit. TALIESIN: Way to–
LIAM: Man. ASHLEY: Oh boy.
LAURA: I tried. TALIESIN: Way to bring the– SAM: What does that mean? MATT: That could’ve gone sideways quite a few ways. SAM: It did go sideways! TALIESIN: That went so fucking sideways. MATT: It always goes sideways a little bit no matter what you do. That’s the nature of the game.
SAM: I fucked us! LIAM: A lot sideways. MATT: To be fair, you were dodging some crazy shit for awhile there. SAM: I know, but if I had just shut up, we would’ve– I don’t know, we would’ve been okay. MATT: Yeah, probably. TALIESIN: There’s a series of things that went wrong. MATT: It’s true. That’s D&D, man. That’s how it happens.
LIAM: Sometimes you teleport inside a dragon or press the release acid button. SAM: I didn’t know who was who. I couldn’t hear anything. My perception sucks. TRAVIS and LAURA: I panicked! SAM: I panicked; I thought someone important was getting away! LIAM: Ca-caw! TRAVIS: It’s okay, man. TALIESIN: You remember how much easier this was when we had magical earrings that let us talk to each other? MARISHA: We need to get those earrings. TALIESIN: It’s so campaign one though, isn’t it? MATT: You’re stepping on OG territory. TALIESIN: Clusterfuck is so much more fun. TRAVIS: We upped the difficulty without them, I like it. TALIESIN: I kind of like the clusterfuck. MATT: Me too. All right. Well, thank you guys so much for watching. You’ll see some of us throughout the weekend on D&D Live as part of their Descent stream. And of course, spread the word, let’s see if we can do our best to help out Red Nose Day. They’re amazing people and see how we can guide this eventual story for Stephen Colbert next week. Super excited. Don’t forget, guys, we love you very much and is it Thursday yet? Good night. LIAM and TALIESIN: No!
TRAVIS: What the fuck?! [dramatic music]