Key & Peele – Pawn Shop


[rapid knocking on door] [buzzer] – HEY, MAN.
HOW YOU DOING? YOU GUYS GOT BOW AND ARROWS? – YEAH. – OH, YEAH.
OH, THAT’S IT. YEAH, THERE IT IS.
THERE. THAT’LL DO IT.
THAT’S GONNA DO IT. YUP.
WHERE ARE THE ARROWS AT? [clears throat] YEAH.
YOU GOT–YOU GUYS GOT M80s? – WE DON’T CARRY FIREWORKS. – DAMN!
YOU HAVE, UH– YOU HAVE SOMETHING ELSE
THAT’S EXPLOSIVE THAT I COULD TAPE
TO THE END OF AN ARROW? – WE HAVE SHOTGUN SHELLS, BUT…
– UH-HUH. OOH. – I FEEL I HAVE TO ASK, ARE YOU PLANNING
TO ATTACH THOSE TO ARROWS AND USE THEM AS A WEAPON? – WHAT?
NO. WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY?
[laughs] YOU THINK
THAT WOULD WORK THOUGH? WHAT–WHAT–WHAT IF I SHOT
EXPLOSIVE ARROWS THROUGH A WINDOW
TO BREAK ‘EM OPEN? – SIR, I FEEL LIKE
I HAVE TO ASK YOU WHAT YOU’RE PLANNING
TO USE THESE FOR. – OH, NO, I’M NOT PLANNING
TO DO ANYTHING. I’M JUST–THIS IS
JUST CHRISTMAS SHOPPING. I’M GETTING A–
YOU GOT ZIP LINES? – NOPE. – BUT YOU GOT, LIKE,
HOOKS AND ANCHORS AND CABLES? – WE GOT
SOME OF THOSE THINGS, BUT I DO NOT RECOMMEND
MANUFACTURING YOUR OWN ZIP LINE. – OH, I’M NOT DOING THAT.
NO. LET’S SAY SOMEBODY
WAS MANUFACTURING THEIR OWN ZIP LINE.
– MM-HMM. – YOU THINK IF THEY
HAD BUSTED SOME WINDOWS OPEN ON A BUILDING SOMEHOW, THEN FIRED THE ZIP LINE
OFF A BOW AND ARROW, AND IT ATTACHED
TO THE WALL OF SAID BUILDING, THAT THEY COULD JUST RIDE
THE ZIP LINE INTO THE BUILDING? – I HAVE NO IDEA. SIR, WHATEVER YOU
ARE PLANNING ON DOING, PLEASE DON’T DO IT. – I’M NOT–I’M NOT–
I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING. I’M JUST DOING
SOME CHRISTMAS SHOPPING, TRYING TO GET IT
OUT OF THE WAY. YOU KNOW, BOW AND ARROWS
FOR MY NEPHEW. THE ZIP LINE’S FOR MY…
GRANDMOTHER. ET CETERA AND WHATNOT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING THERE? IT’S NOTHING.
NO BIG DEAL. SPEAKING OF OTHER THINGS,
DO YOU GUYS HAVE JUST THE, UH, TOP HALF
OF A KNIGHT IN ARMOR? – FIRST OF ALL,
IT’S CALLED A SUIT OF ARMOR. – OH, YUP, THAT’S IT.
THAT’S RIGHT. THAT’S WHAT I MEANT TO SAY.
– WE HAVE ONE BUT IT’S SOLD… – OH!
– AS A COMPLETE SET. – YUP. YUP.
– YUP. – YEAH,
BUT THE PERSON IT’S FOR, THEY ONLY NEED THE–
THEY DON’T NEED THE– THEY JUST NEED THE TOP HALF. THEY DON’T NEED THE LEGS.
– MM-HMM. – WELL, WHAT IF SOMEBODY
WAS SHOOTING AT YOU AND– WHAT ARE THE CHANCES YOU THINK
THEY’D TRY TO SHOOT YOUR LEGS? – I FEEL
LIKE I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT A SUIT OF ARMOR
WILL NOT DEFLECT BULLETS. – I’LL TAKE MY CHANCES–
WITH CHRISTMAS. WHICH BRINGS ME, UH,
TO MY NEXT QUESTION. DO YOU GUYS
HAVE ROLLER SKATES? – I THINK WE HAVE A PAIR AROUND.
– UH-HUH. LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. HOW FAST DO YOU THINK YOU’D HAVE
TO BE GOING ON ROLLER SKATES TO GET PAST A COUPLE
OF ARMED GUARDS AND STILL BE GOING FAST ENOUGH
TO SMASH THROUGH A SAFE DOOR? – ONE OF THOSE BIG BANK SAFES?
– NO! I DON–I DON’T KNOW.
YEAH. YEAH? UH… HEY, YOU GUYS GOT ONE OF THOSE,
YOU KNOW, JUST ONE OF THOSE BIG BAGS WITH
A DOLLAR SIGN ON THE SIDE OF IT? – OKAY.
– [snorts] [coughs]
YEAH? – YOU’RE GONNA SHOOT ARROWS WITH
SHOTGUN SHELLS ATTACHED TO ‘EM TO A BANK WINDOW
TO BLOW OUT THE GLASS. THEN YOU’RE GONNA SHOOT
A ZIP LINE THROUGH THAT WINDOW AND YOU’RE GONNA SLIDE ON
INTO THE HALLWAY. YOU’RE GONNA BE
WEARING ROLLER SKATES SO YOU CAN JUST SKATE ON PAST
THE ARMED GUARDS, WHO WILL BE SHOOTING AT YOU,
AND YOU’RE GONNA HOPE THAT THEY BOTH
WON’T HIT YOUR LEGS, AND, IF THEY ARE AIMING
AT YOUR TORSO, THE SUIT OF MEDIEVAL ARMOR
WILL DEFLECT THE BULLETS. THEN YOU’RE GONNA HOPE
TO GATHER ENOUGH SPEED TO BURST THROUGH
THE BIG BANK VAULT AT THE END OF THE HALLWAY WHERE YOU’RE GONNA
COLLECT THE MONEY IN A CARTOON MONEY BAG. – WELL, NO. I’M JUST AN UNCLE WHO’S BUYING
SOME [bleep] FOR CHRISTMAS AND I, UH, THINK I’LL
TAKE MY BUSINESS ELSEWHERE. MERRY CHRISTMAS. – IT’S APRIL.

100 thoughts on “Key & Peele – Pawn Shop

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  2. That guy is so comically dumb. He really thinks he can pull that off, smash through the vault door and put cash into the bag and then escape WITHOUT A JETPACK? God, is that guy crazy.

    You need a jetpack for your escape, obviously. Duhh.

  3. Best ending to this clip would have been a shot of pawn shop owner reading his paper…Keegan goes by window with a suit of armor on roller blades carrying money bag(dollar bills floating in the wind)….2 seconds later cops come running by, chasing him…

  4. It’s safe 2say that Peele’s character is the Black, bald, Amish, rabbi version of the Unibomber. That is my assertion. Mk? Mk.

  5. the suit of armor bit was definitely a reference to a real-life incident where an australian man faced off with the police while wearing the top half of a homemade suit of armor

  6. Zip line and bow and arrows for his grandma? Total BS

    … she's gonna need flashbangs, garrote cable, some incendiary grenades – and night vision goggles too.

  7. "a suit of armor will not deflect bullets"

    ahem- actually a properly made suit of a armor from the time made by a competent Smith can make a suit of armor that can easily deflect handgun sized calibers, it's been tested and put to rest ages ago,

    Rifle sized calibers on the other hand

    Heh, let's just say are capable of going in one side and out the other lol

    skallgrim even tested a proper Viking helmet against a 9mm and .45 both of which bounced harmlessly off

    Then proceeded to mag dump it with .223 which went in the front and out the back like it was paper lol

    So technically possible, but the suit of armor in the video, likely made of pot metal and likely made in Mexico wouldn't stop a pellet gun so yeah he'd be dead lol.

  8. The reason why April fools day is celebrated on April is because people back then thought it was the day Jesus is born, Christmas.

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