Uber But Like For People | Bad Internet


(doorbell) – Hey sis. Can I stay here tonight? Someone wanted to AirBNB my
place and you know. Cool, thanks! – You really should warn
me before you do this. – I know, I know. I’ve just been so busy. – You got a job? – I’ve got jobs! I’ve been Task Rabbiting and Ubering and Crowdsharing and Park Squatting and Rex Swapping. – Is that that pet sharing app? – Yeah. – I still don’t get how that
works. – Well you know how sometimes
you don’t want your pet? – Well, maybe it’s time
you got a real job. – These are real jobs. I’m making money. I’m my own boss. I have total freedom. – Just take care of yourself
okay? – I will. – Goodnight. – Night. ♪ my boss is a dick ♪ – [Voiceover] Let’s go
back to Liz in weather. – [Voiceover] Soul-mate,
the app that finds your– – [Voiceover] Productivity. Efficiency. A scientist working at a
computer. This is what we think of when we think of progress. And this progress is
progressing. Today. Forget about those old
low-paying apps that treat you like a commodity. And experience a new low-paying
app that treats you like a
commodity. Earn money while you sleep. With Snoozlr. Humans of the past spent
a third of their lives squandering earning potential by sleeping. Humans of progress use Snoozlr to sell their helping
hands while they sleep. Get sleep. Get paid. Get a better world. Snoozlr. It’s Uber but like for people. – Download Snoozlr app. – [Phone] Downloading now. – Finally. And here we go! – Hey, Snoozlr I need you to come over
and make breakfast in bed for me and my wife. – [Voiceover] Task
started. (classical music) Arrived! Great breakfast! Breakfast is served. – Breakfast served! – Oh, Snoozlr that’s right. Thanks man. What is this? What is this! – [Phone] You’ve earned 25
dollars. – Oh sweet. Oh shit! (phone ringing) – [Voiceover] Thank you
for calling Snoozlr support how can I help you? – Hi yes. I was completing a Snoozlr task
last night and I woke up to a very dirty
couch. Also I have some lingering
concerns on the nature of free-will under Snoozlr’s control. – [Voiceover] Oh I’m sorry sir. Snoozlr just helps coordinate
busy people and Snoozlrs. We assume no liability for
damages. Physical or existential. – Okay it’s a very dirty couch. – [Voiceover] It is all in
the terms and conditions you agreed to the first
time you Snoozlerd. – But I wasn’t in control of my
body the first time I Snoozlerd so, hello? Hello? – What did you do to my couch? – I’m so sorry. I was Snoozlering last night. – Oh gross. – No, no, no. I mean I’m using Snoozlr now and I guess I did something
sticky? – Snoozlr? Jason no. They treat their employees so
poorly. – Okay. Technically I’m not an employee I’m property. But this is great. While you go to your dingy
little office and slave away. – I’m a land-scaper. – I have the whole day ahead of
me to do whatever I want. – Uh-huh and what are you gonna
do with all this free time? – I might take a nap. My eyes feel like sand-paper. – Okay, well I should be back
around six if you want to grab dinner. (snoring) Jason. Jason? Jason? Oh! (dramatic music) (cheering) – Scab! – [Voiceover] Thank you for
calling Snoozlr support. – Something terrible happened. There’s blood everywhere and my joints hurt. – [Voiceover] I’m sorry but Snoozlr’s not responsible
for any damage to your person. – I’m so tired. – [Voiceover] Snoozlr is not
responsible for any fatigue that may occur while Snoozling. – I’m done. I’m done. I’m done with the whole company. You can’t treat people like
this. – [Voiceover] But aren’t
a few dings and scratches worth total freedom? – I’m a mindless slave. – [Voiceover] Isn’t a
little mindless slavery worth total freedom? – I want to cancel my account. – [Voiceover] But there
is no canceling Jason. – I want to cancel my account. – [Voiceover] Good-bye. – Damn Snoozlr! (yawns) – Hi Snoozlr. – [Jason] Oh hey! – I want you to march to
the home of the Snoozlr CEO and demand your rights and
protections as a human being and a God-damn American. – [Voiceover] Task started! (incoherent yelling) – Sweetie. – Mh-hmm. – Another Snoozlr problem on the
lawn. – What? Again? Ugh. Alright, I’ll take care of it. – [Jason] This is your
wake-up call! Generations of Americans
have fought for workers
rights and you can’t just erase
them! (applause and cheering) – What can I do for you? – [Jason] We demand
dignity! We demand protection! We demand– (incoherent yelling) – What the hell is he saying? – Oh who can ever tell? – What are you saying? (incoherent yelling) – [Jason] The inalienable
rights of all humans! – I hear your words and I
am moved. Moved! Move! You’re trespassing. – Go home! – Your brain is gonna explode the minute I touch this
button. Will send a message to
the corporate offices that all rights of
Snoozlrs will not be infringed. (cheering) – [Jason] We did it! We made change! (incoherent yelling) – [Voiceover] Good-bye
Jason. – [Jason] What? Good-bye Jason? Cancel, cancel task! Let me out! Let me out! No! – [Voiceover] You’ve been
rated one out of five stars. You did a terrible job. Sweet dreams, Snoozlr. (lullabye music) (phone rings) – [Voiceover] Thank you
for calling Snoozlr support how can I help you? – [Voiceover] Hi. I woke up from a Snoozlr task and I’m naked on the Jersey
Turnpike. – [Voiceover] Snoozlr’s not
responsible for transportation fees
incurred while Snoozlring. – [Voiceover] What? – [Voiceover] Have a nice day! (phone rings) – [Voiceover] Hi, thanks
for calling Snoozlr support. – [Voiceover] Help! I think I killed someone. I didn’t want to but I was Snoozering. – [Voiceover] We are so sorry
you had a bad experience. Your account will be
credited with ten dollars. (police sirens) – [Voiceover] What? But I need help! – [Voiceover] Okay, bye then. (phone rings) – [Voiceover] Hello! Thanks for calling Snoozlr
support. – [Voiceover] You have to do
something! Someone has raised an army of
Snoozlrs. And they’ve taken over the whole
town! – [Voiceover] Wow, I’m sorry
sir. What is your Snoozlr account
number? – [Voiceover] No! I’m not a Snoozlr user. My problem is– – [Voiceover] I’m afraid
we only help individuals with Snoozlr accounts. But have a nice day! – [Voiceover] No don’t
hang up, don’t hang up! (screaming)

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